marc from MI Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 i cant take this pain. i was in a great relationship and she dumped me last saturday dec 30th. im 27 and shes 26. she aid she wanted space we had a wonderful 2.5 years together with a love that i had never exp;erienced before. she agreed we had plans to get married and have kids. we talked abot this as recently as november. i found out today that the day after she dumped me she was hanging out with another guy. i called and asked if it was true, she admited to having feelings for someone else. she wanted marriage and kids 30 days ago!!! and now she wakes up one day and has feelings for someone else? now i feel even worse, how do i cope with a heartbreaking loss , especially when you find out that someone else helped this happen? IM SO LOST, I FEEL ANGRY, BETRAYED, EMPTY, UNLOVEABLE
D-Lish Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Hey Marc, Man I'm sorry you're going through this. There are no magic words or solutions that can change how you feel at the moment. I cam back from a romatic, awesome road trip with my ex and he broke up with me a couple days later after returning. Said he had been unhappy for months.... but he had held me in his arms everday on our trip saying he loved me. We'd even gone house hunting together and talked of marriage and kids in the months previous to breaking up. So I can empathize with your situation. You have to do everything you can to keep yourself busy at the moment. Give her space to put things into perspective- she needs the space and time in order to realize what she is missing. It's very important to have NC at this time. Pressuring could push her away. Use this time to work on yourself. But you're going to have to be absent from her life in order to let her make a decision. I'm sure you've asked yourself this question already- but could you get back together with her after knowing she is exploring feelings for another guy? D
Author marc from MI Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 you're right i have asked myself if i could get back with her after that. I dont know. i guess it would depend on the circumstances . Right now?...NO WAY 6 months?... only time will tell I do love her more than anything, I think she's making a big mistake.But i cant control any of that now so i just want to go on with my life. If it was meant to be then it will be.
JCD Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 You can start by thanking your lucky stars that you found out what she was like before getting married and having kids. Now, you just have to let time do its thing, go NC, and in couple months you will forget about her and move on.
horn4thor Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Oh, I know the story. It sucks. My ex left me for one of my friends. I got the whole "promise me you'll love me forever" bit a week before she left me. From my previous relationship I should have known the end was nigh. Hang in there, give yourself room to breath and grieve (but don't grieve in front of her, do it when you are alone, talk to friends about it--but don't wear them out--that could so easily be me!). My advice to you, something I learned with my last breakup and applied to my recent breakup, is to be a man about it. Do not beg or plead, do not suck up to her hoping to get her back. Do not be mean to her, do not yell or be abusive. You must maintain your honor and dignity, because at the moment that is all you have. Pick a day to be by yourself and I mean by yourself, the sooner the better. This is something that I did it helped me, your millage may vary. I burned a candle as a timer because my ex and I used them a lot and it reminded me of her--not sure if it was a good idea or not. Maybe use a timer and set it for two hours or for how ever long you want and wallow in the pain, feel all of your feelings, cry, plead to which ever god you choose to get her back or what ever. Feel all of your feelings, experience them and do not bury them. Before the candle had even burned out I found that I was done feeling sorry for myself and ready to move on with living and was better able to cope with our breakup. It cleared the clouds out of my head and allowed me to deal with things with maturity (I'm 33 and I think now having gone through this breakup is the first time that I've ever felt like an adult). Don't get me wrong, you still need time to heal, it will still hurt but you'll be able to cope with it since you'll have gone through it all once before and know what it is, allowing you to get a handle on your emotions. I feel for ya, hang in there, it does get better.
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