2sunny Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 I have been dating a very nice man who is quite a bit older than me... we get along great and have a very nice time/common interests in: art/family/history/sports. He is very regimented and I am not. This has not caused a conflict so far at all. My family is big (45+) and his is small (4-5); however, he has a very nice and large group of friends since grade shool. The problem? I am not a gal that needs to talk all the time - and he is a man that does... Sometimes, even after a short while in his company - I jut want some quiet time - THAT is just my nature... I DO NOT need people to talk to me all the time... Am I crazy? Does anyone else experience this... as I feel exhausted at times when I just want to let my mind wind down and he goes on and on... He is a love and I would never want to hurt his feelings though...
Pyro Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Thats a tough one there. I love having conversations, but than there is always that time when I just want to unwind and relax and not talk. You are not crazy, in that aspect.
Zaira Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 This might sound ironic, but I think you need to discuss it with him. It could be a nervous thing maybe??
Storyrider Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Is it like he's monologuing with no give and take? Does he interrupt constantly, repeat himself, talk over you, etc? If so, that would be a deal breaker for me. I have found that people's speaking styles do not change, esp. if he's older. Also, this has just as much to do with ego and self involvement as it does with talking. However, if he is a good conversationalist but just wants to converse more frequently than is your style, I'm sure you could bring it up in a kind way.
Curmudgeon Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 I have been dating a very nice man who is quite a bit older than me... You promised you wouldn't tell. Silence can be eloquent sometimes, can't it?
Author 2sunny Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 You promised you wouldn't tell. Silence can be eloquent sometimes, can't it? You are a funny boy! = ) He is very intelligent and worked at the pentagon and loves Shakespeare and has a love of languages.. I don't know what to think - he is very thoughtful and kind... Maybe I should allow another gal to appreciate him to be married and have kids... as he knows I am not in that mindset and he is. It is too hard in so cali to find men that have a value system and a firm direction - and I am not even sure I even need that... Now I feel confused...
Curmudgeon Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 You think YOU'RE confused? I spent several years at the Pentagon, have read a lot of Shakespeare and quote him periodically, and I've spoken four other languages besides English. Oh! Wait a minute! You said, "intelligent." That leaves me off the hook!
Author 2sunny Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 You think YOU'RE confused? I spent several years at the Pentagon, have read a lot of Shakespeare and quote him periodically, and I've spoken four other languages besides English. Oh! Wait a minute! You said, "intelligent." That leaves me off the hook! Ya right honey! :love: :bunny: Your wife is a lucky woman - and you are a man I love to admire.... and want to meet...
Curmudgeon Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Stranger things have happened! At least we're on the same coast.
Author 2sunny Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Stranger things have happened! At least we're on the same coast. you are funny - my brother - when he was here for xmas holiday with his family-I told him about how wonderful you and your wife have been to our family.. - he was here and he is also most likely and most likely in close proximity to you guys. - and most likely - minutes away from where you work.... and HE is a nice man - so - if a very wonderful 40 age man shows up and wants to chat - that is my very wonderful brother - PHD in fisheries in your area - soooo nice - and sooo great! (his wife too - she has her PHD as well) They are so mellow in their general nature - I think you would enjoy their company...
johan Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 The magic words to use with a guy who talks too much: "Hey, chatty Kathy. Clip your string!" Not only will it make you laugh, but he'll shut right up.
orangehose Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Is it like he's monologuing with no give and take? Does he interrupt constantly, repeat himself, talk over you, etc? If so, that would be a deal breaker for me. I have found that people's speaking styles do not change, esp. if he's older. Also, this has just as much to do with ego and self involvement as it does with talking. However, if he is a good conversationalist but just wants to converse more frequently than is your style, I'm sure you could bring it up in a kind way. This is a good point - conversational styles differ. There are people with whom you just naturally blab and engage in equal dialogue, and others who sort of shut you off and with whom you might be a patient audience. Being the latter is wearisome after a while. Good to distinguish between whether it's a quantity or quality issue. I had a quality issue with a partner and we actually discussed ways in which to change our conversational style so that I felt like I could participate more rather than passively listen. It improved a little bit but for the most part, his natural style reasserted itself. I guess it's not very alterable.
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