fatty Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Hey guys, I don't often post here even though I have been a member for so long. I just drift amongst threads and living my pain through other members. I can relate to almost 100% of posters here. This is partly me ranting. Hope you guys can stay out. ITs long. -- Now to the good stuff -- I feel like I am not made for love. I could partly be feeling this due to the residue left over from last relationship 2 years ago. How sad is it that I am still hooked on my ex g/f even though we have been broken up 2 years ago. She has moved on, been dating and even has slept with a random guy. The latter part kills me the most. I don't why but it still rips my heart to piece's. What is the point to love another individual? I don't think I will ever be able to or actually WANT to love another person again. It saves so much dramatic heartache/tears/pain/therapy etcc... In my recovery process I have done everything. Joined the gym, lost some wieght, Go out tons, Dance like a maniac, made **** load of freinds but yet even after all this. I come home to heartache and lingerin memories of what I had. I sometimes ponder what would happen if we were still together. Think about all the things we could be doing together. I have cheated on my ex-g/f once. We didn't have intercourse just fooled around. Anyways, everyone seems to hate cheater's on this board. So if once a cheater, always a cheater therefore he shouldn't love in the future as he will just cause more grief. And if once a cheater, its on my script. No woman will ever want to date a man who has cheated or trust. Women already have insecurities and trust issues, it seems. Men do as well, trust me. I am a man of major insecurities but am just learning to deal with them. I am an extremely romantic person. My date's consist of taking a woman to dinner by the lake and stuff etc... I love to be in love and fall in love but I think it is just safe if I don't. I save myself huge heartache and the other party as well. Thanks for sticking with me so far. Anyone else in this boat who feels that love might not be their thing?
D-Lish Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 I dunno, I think I want to be in love, but quite honestly- being in love has never made me happy. As soon as I come to a point in my relationship where I feel vulnerable to the other person, I get edgy and irritable- I become so afraid of getting hurt, that I become resentful of my feelings. So what happens? I end up sabotaging what could have been a good thing- I get dumped, or I leave, then I go into the next relationship even more laden with issues. It's an unhealthy pattern- one that I'm trying to shake.... even engaging in therapy to get that help. So I know what you mean about coming to that point of saying "why bother". The problem is that when you become stuck being jaded, it's quite possible that so many good people could be passing you by. And people do make mistakes. Cheating is a mistake, yes- but you can't beat yourself up over it forever. It's okay to forgive yourself for being human. A lapse in judgement doesn't mean you're a bad person....just means you did a bad thing. So, forgive yourself. I don't want to be alone forever, that is why I am working towards fixing what is wrong with me, trying to learn from past mistakes so that I can be a better partner to the right person should they come along. You know what I mean jellybean? :-)
Author fatty Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Hey d-lish, You sound like a freind of mine. She is exactly how you describe yourself in relationships. The only thing is that she has not realized it. I think it is wrong to do that to the other person if you, yourself are not properly ready for a relationship. I guess I am asking the "why bother" question because I feel hurt and I need to forgive myself. I do not know how one does but I think I need to. d-lish, how long do you give yourself a "break" per say between relationships?
Guest Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I understand your feeling of not wanting to be in a relationship. I usually go from the break up (I'm usually the dumpee---even if I want to be the dumper, I stick around and allow that person the upper hand, just so they can have the power and I can gripe), to wanting that person back, and then not wanting anything to do with a relationship. Somewhere after that, I wind up hooking up with a "buddy" until I find a new romantic interest. Then the process repeats. As far hooking up with someone even though you don't want to be in a relationship with them goes, I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you talk about it and both of you are on the same page. If one of you, or the other starts to get romantic feelings about the relationship, then you need to evaulate and either disengage or continue in a romantic fashion. Don't jerk people around just to get off. Most of you have hands, use them instead. As far as how much time you should spend between going from one relationship to another, that all depends on you. For me it usually takes about two years to recover totally from a serious relationship, one year pining the loss, and one year of "buddy" fun.
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