Sick of Dogs!

[kymberann]

Well, it looks like I found another one! And I am just venting here, but why are so many guys like this?

 

So here's the scoop. Started dating after being in a serious R with complications all of it's own. Moved past that one, and I never try to compare or generalize one relationship to the next.

So this guy acts somewhat interested in me about three weeks ago. Gets my phone number and calls me that night! We talk for awhile, get to know each other. We make plans to see each other friday of that week. Like planned he calls we make arrangements. We go out.

 

We spend a quiet night talking, making out, thought it was all good. It was typically the nervous stuff that goes on when meeting someone new. Next week He calls on a Tuseday night and then comes over and we talk and mess around. I am beginning to like this guy but want to take it slow. We make plans to see each other on Thursday. Thursday comes, no call no nothing. I was sick, so I was OK with not doing anything, but I was thinking sheesh at least call! So like a chaser, I call! He's sick with food poisoning. So I just say, well haven't heard from you just seeing if you were ok. He said "I should feel better and I will see you at the gym Friday". Well I was still sick and I didn't go, BUT no call. By then it was New Year's so I stayed home. Which brings me to this week. I see him, we talk briefly. he's real quiet and shy with me. So I go my way but I notice we kind of both "hang around" each other. He's paying attention to conversations I am having with other people I know. Well it turns out we both have a mutual friend and I ask her about him. She tells me he is really shy. Also tells me he broke up with his girlfriend not long ago. She was apparently in a car accident, she becomes paralyzed and she lost her mother. So some of this makes sense. I get it. I feel for both of them. Apparently he took care of her, but for whatever reason they broke up and she moved out of town. And I am thinking maybe he isn't as much of a dog as I originally thought.

So we start talking again. There appeared to be mutual interest and we arranged to do something this last Friday, he would call. Well Friday rolls around. NO call, I looked GOOD too!

Ever the chaser, I call and leave a message at 9PM. He calls back immediatley. Says he just got done working out and was in the sauna. He wanted to come over. I said too late, he said he could be at my house in 30 minutes. I said I can't because my children are at my house this weekend. He came on strong, said he could be over to see me. Well my kids, who aren't used to me dating since being divorced and having gone through a recent R wanted to go to their father's. It worked out. Plus I think they felt uncomfortable, can't blame them.

And get this, I said to this guy, well what about your house? He said he has friends over? Something is up. I've been to his house before!

 

So he comes over we watch a movie and just cuddle and me thinking Hmm.. OK give it a try. He knew I was miffed. We make out and have sex. I was hoping he would just stay the night, but he says I am getting sleepy, we talk for a bit and he gives me a kiss and goes home. No plans to call or see each other. That was it.

 

Saturday, I call and leave a message inviting him for dinner. He says he is a single guy and hardly cooks anything. So I thought "Why not?" I just left a message saying, "hey I am making plans to make dinner, let me know either way if you can make it or not". As you can guess, no call, no nothing.

 

So here is where I am at. I don't want to rush things, of course not, but I at least want some acknowledgement. I know he is going through a hard time. His mother is dying from cancer and has two weeks to live. That is what he is telling me. I just recently lost my mother, so we talked about that last time we were toether.

I am not asking for a committment either, but at least call than nothing at all!

What frustrates me is I get out of this other R that really did a number. I thought I healed, and I have, but the damn rejection!

I am glad I know now about this guy. There is potential there for me to be crazy about him, and I don't want to go there if he isn't intereseted. We do have a lot in common, but what I have seen it's been one sided. So it's time for me to move on and leave him alone. I know I will see him again. I will be just neutral, won't make any moves. If he is interested, he will have to make the moves.

 

You guys have any insight that I should use to remind me to keep my distance and not push??

Thanks all!

Best

[justagirliegirl]

I'm trying to recap what went on.

 

You've been out with him about 3 times. It doesn't look like he ever took you out on a proper date just showed up at your place to be a couch potato and try to get sex. You call him and initiate just about everything. You end up having sex with him about the 3rd time you get together? He doesn't even spend the night?

 

Please correct me if I am wrong on any of this?

 

I know you said you didn't want to rush things but really never had to work for anything. You gave it to him on a silver platter. Have you ever read the mars venus date book? I suggest reading it and trying some of the stuff in there. Pretty much your current situation would be he would think of you as a fwb situation and that is it. I'm sorry.

[Ukwizard]

Hi Kymberann

 

Crumbs! You mentioned you didn`t want to rush things, and you had sex with him around the third date.

 

I thought in this day, and age. You still had to woo, or romance the woman first. She needs to be taken out. Looked after, and romanced.

 

Its only after that then the next level proceeds on to the most intimate.....which is sex, or making love.

 

I think you`ve made it so easy for him. The fact that he doesn`t call when he says he does, indicates he doesn`t care about you. Not enough for at least one phone call.

 

This man is already a dead end. You probably won`t see it, but I won`t be surprised if he will call you ever. He`s had you now.

 

In fact you sond like my ex. I already posted a thread here "So many dates!", and you perhaps fall into this catergory.

 

There are a lot of unscrupolous men out there, out only for one thing. Sex, and needy women like you, who do all the chasing only end up hurting themselves.

 

My ex slept with a man on her first date, because he said all the right things!

 

I suggest in future, give it time when you meet a man. Lots of it.

[kymberann]

Ohh you guys are right. I am not arguing most of your points. But trust me, I am not needy, just assertive and rather independent.

 

I do see it as a dead end, I get that. He chased first, but then it stoped. But why when you think you got something started with someone, as soon as they "get" what they want, they up and leave?

I refuse to do the chasing!

 

I think I will re read that book, it's been a while!

[Ukwizard]

But trust me, I am not needy, just assertive and rather independent.

 

Hey, I don`t know you. Please forgive me if I m wrong. You do sound just a tad needy.

 

I refuse to do the chasing!

 

Go girl!,, but let that be a lesson to you. If a man that cares for you, and says he will call, then he will. If he doesn`t and calls you the first thing next day, then so be it, however he`d better give a dam good reason why he didn`t call.

 

I refuse to do the chasing!

 

You did the last time. You chased twice when he said he`d call but didn`t.

 

Remember, if someone says they will call. Then LEAVE it at that. Just let them be, and see how long it takes for them to call.

[kymberann]

HI UK,

Trust me, not needy enough to be constantly played! I am 37, I've been through my share of weird R's. Just tired of people saying they are going to do one thing and never follow through. Some times it gets to the point even when there is a good explanation, that isn't even good enough anymore!