So many dates!

[Ukwizard]

I m on this site to get more information, and knowledge about dating.

 

My ex-girlfriend, has now dated 8 men in the last 24 months. I was number 3. She was a married woman of 10 years, and has 2 children. When she met me. I m single, and have no children, and single for a considerable time.

 

My ex wasn`t that happy in her marriage. To get to the jist of it. The question is,

 

Why do women date so many men?

[Art_Critic]

Why do women date so many men?

 

For someone trying to figure out what they want out of a relationship and for someone who was married for 10 years and has to re-figure it all out 4 guys a year isn't a lot of guys.. just because someone dates a guy doesn't mean that she thinks that he is it..

 

That is what dating is all about.. trying to figure out what you want and don't want in a partner.. Some people figure it out easily and some take a while longer..

 

4 guys a month would amount to a lot of guys..

 

When I first got divorced for a year or so after I went thru about 4 women a year till I gained my relationship legs again

 

How is it that you know how many guys your ex dates ? I have not one clue how many dates any one of my ex's has had since me.. Nor does it matter

[Porn_Guy]

Why do women date so many men?

in this particular situation she's making up for lost time. I've seen a number of women (and men) who come out of a long bad marriage and as soon as they are single they go nuts and have numerous casual flings. she'll eventually settle down with one dude soon as she gets it out of her system. when exactly that will be I don't know.

[Art_Critic]

when exactly that will be I don't know.

 

Some people never come out of the butterfly phase and they continue to go from person to person their whole life..

[Porn_Guy]

Some people never come out of the butterfly phase and they continue to go from person to person their whole life..

you mean like Jane the ignorant slut hopping from bed to bed

[Ukwizard]

in this particular situation she's making up for lost time. I've seen a number of women (and men) who come out of a long bad marriage and as soon as they are single they go nuts and have numerous casual flings. she'll eventually settle down with one dude soon as she gets it out of her system. when exactly that will be I don't know.

 

Thank you Porn Guy. You score full points, by answering the question.

 

You`re indeed correct. She`s already slept with a guy on her first date, after he said all the right things. Turns out he was a complete liar, and I think shes learned from that.

 

WShat I do know is shes not actually been single for any significant amount of time.

 

After separating from her husband of 10 years. She had dated 8 men remember. I mean a lot of women would have been happy around their third or fourth date.

 

I mean I was the longest boyfriend she had after her separation. I was with her for 7 months!

 

I wasn`t lazy. The trust, and reliability was there. I have no idea why she is moving from man to man.

 

If she was so unhappy then why didn`t she want to talk about it?

 

What I do know is she talked to her friends, and people on the net, other than me!

[Porn_Guy]

What I do know is she talked to her friends, and people on the net, other than me!

could it possibley be cause you're a puppet?

[Ukwizard]

No, I disagree Porn Guy. After she broke up with me. I managed to get into her messages. I m not proud of that. It was after a drunken night I did that.

 

I know she was really into me. Something changed though. She was signed off work for depression, and I think thats when she drifted away from me. I mean if you where signed off work, for 2 months. That gives you a lot of time to think the worst. Right?

[Art_Critic]

Why not try letting your Exgf live her life without your critical eyes ?.. She isn't doing anything wrong as you guys are not together..

 

Why she is dating guys.. because she is a girl.. 4 guys a year isn't too many ..

you need to leave her alone..stop breaking into her messages.

 

you are looking for answers to questions that you will never get without talking to her in an open discussion.

[Ukwizard]

Art critic, woah. Please slow your horses. I haven`t at the slightest criticised my ex. Not one bit.

 

I ve only come here to ask why a woman would date so many men.

 

She hasn`t done anything wrong! Well of course she has. I found out when I was away for a week, she started to flirt with a guy on the net.

 

Also four guys in a year!? Eh? Where did you get that one? To be honest, she`s dated 8 guys in 22 months, and she has never waited over a month, or two without being single. In fact, I don`t recall her being single for a whole month. She`ll fly into the arms of any man that will give her some attention.

 

I also know she`s been talking about me, even without looking at her messages.

 

Doing anything wrong?

 

Art critic. Try to get the facts before sticking up for my ex. She dumped me by email. She gave me no reasons why she left. Just the usual "its not you, it me", line, and the "we don`t communicate like normal couples do". In fact i have no idea why you`re even sticking up for her, the way she`s treated me.

 

To be honest, I ve not spoken to her since May 2006. Since then I ve dated 2 other girls.

 

you are looking for answers to questions that you will never get without talking to her in an open discussion.

Wrong, my friend. My ex alwasy made excuses, or gave "I dunno" for answers. I only found out what the problems were, and ironically, not talking to her, but in her messages.

 

Like I said, I m not proud in doing that, but I found some answers, and it has helped me realise, that its not me after all, but her. If I hadn`t gone into her messages, I d be guessing for the rest of my life.

 

As for leaving her alone. I have done, since last year.

 

Thanks for the advice. I already know what to do. The original question was,

 

Why date so many people?

 

I ll add to that, and say when does one find out that youv`e found the right one or could have by-passed the right one by dating so many?

[Porn_Guy]

. She gave me no reasons why she left.

i told you already....she left cause you're a puppet, she got sick of some strange dude having his arm inside you manipulaiting you body and doing your voice and stuff. Any girl would get sick of it. Were you even capable of having sex with her?

 

aren't there any female puppets u can hang with?

[Ukwizard]

Porn Guy,

 

Please read my thread over. I think you haven`t got the fact that my ex dated few men earlier in her life. She married a man, and stayed with him for 10 years. Most of it unhappy.

 

The starnge thing was. She only started to tell me what her problems were, after we split up.

 

Stop talking about being a puppet. Of course not. You sex question is totally inappropriate too. We had good sex, and regularly.

 

She`s looking for something "amazing, something spectacular" she told one person.

 

The original question, was why date so many people?

 

I think a lot of people here would fail, an english examination paper for NOT answering the question.

 

I m asking it because, don`t people who date around not only hurt themselves, but other people?

 

I know my ex didnt reply to a man, and he told her where to go, and people like her,

 

 

deserve to be single!

 

When my ex left me. We still talked to each other. I remember her saying one day to me.

 

If something comes along, I ll take it!

 

What kind of phrase is that. well, about a month after that. She did meet someone, and that realtionship only lasted about 5 months.

 

Well, the grass was NOT greener. Guess what. She still is single!

[amaysngrace]

i told you already

 

 

Give up yet??

[Art_Critic]

Wizard.. you really need to fill your head with other thoughts..

 

Going down this road is never a pretty adventure.. How many people your ex dates or has dated should be of absolutely no concern of yours.. you didn't force her to date guys..and figuring out why she dates guys means nothing in the scheme of things in your life and figuring out women.

 

I got the 4 guys a year from you saying that she has dated 8 guys in 24 months.. 24 months is 2 years 8/2 = 4

 

She is a grown woman and was married 10 years.. that is a successful relationship.. so she is capable of having them.. Why you weren't someone that she made a long term commitment with is up in the air and entirely within her rights to make that decision..

 

By the way.. I have answered your original question of why she is dating so many women.. you just chose to ignore the answer.. re-read my first post

 

For someone trying to figure out what they want out of a relationship and for someone who was married for 10 years and has to re-figure it all out 4 guys a year isn't a lot of guys.. just because someone dates a guy doesn't mean that she thinks that he is it..

 

For someone trying to figure out what they want out of a relationship and for someone who was married for 10 years and has to re-figure it all out 4 guys a year isn't a lot of guys.. just because someone dates a guy doesn't mean that she thinks that he is it..

 

That is what dating is all about.. trying to figure out what you want and don't want in a partner.. Some people figure it out easily and some take a while longer..

[Porn_Guy]

Going down this road is never a pretty adventure.. How many people your ex dates or has dated should be of absolutely no concern of yours.. you didn't force her to date guys..and figuring out why she dates guys means nothing in the scheme of things in your life and figuring out women...

my sentiments exactly...you're only spinning your wheels if you do this UKW.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Ukwizard,

 

You are jumping off into the deep end. Do you know what happens to men who jump? They drown.

 

Are you trying to psycho-analyze her, or yourself? There is a distinction.

 

Ultimately, bouncing from one man to another, in a relatively short period of time, is quite an alarming red flag [ -at least, in my honest opinion].

 

She is a full grown adult. Truth is, it is taking her much irrelevant and useless energy to reach what she wants. In the end, she will, get there but not before a couple of epiphanies occur.

 

Trying to wrap your mind around this is an embodying failure to succeed. You are still left with: Why date so many men?

 

Sand&Water

[Porn_Guy]

You are jumping off into the deep end. Do you know what happens to men who jump? They drown.

well S&W you're assuming they're jumping into water. they could also jump from a skyscraper into concrete.

[Craig]

why date so many people?

 

Because they are there?

 

UKwizard, please. "Why" is the kind of word that will stop you from moving on with your life. You could very easily spend the rest of your days asking "why" and never have or get an answer that satisfies you.

 

You have to let go and move on with your life. What used to be doesn't count anymore.

[Walk]

My history sounds a lot like this girl you're describing.

 

I got out of my marriage (nearly 10 year relationship) and didn't want anything serious with anyone. I'd only dated one guy prior to my exh, in fact only had sex 1 time with 1 other guy. Very limited experience both sexually and relationship wise.

 

I swore I was never going to get married again. The second someone attempted to control my behavior or life I vanished. I wanted to be in charge of my life. I didn't want to be held accountable to anyone. I had a lot of anger and resentment in me from my marriage, and I took it out on the men I dated. It also manifested in self-destructive and unsafe behaviors.

 

Not to mention that she's probably going through an incredible growth stage right now. She's attempting to figure out who she is, what she wants from life, and what her view of the future is. She isn't going to trap herself into serious long term relationships again. The one she's had in the past taught her that by being in a relationship you're no longer free to grow and learn. She probably craves that feeling of growth, experience, new feelings and thoughts. History taught her she has to give up most of her desires if she wants only one man.

 

So... maybe in the beginning of dating her, you seemed like someone who was willing to continue to let her grow and expand who she is... but maybe as the relationship progressed you got scared of the changes you were seeing and tried to stop it. That would've been a big red flag for her, and it would've reiterated that she can't attach herself to any man because he will attempt to control her and keep her down.

 

In my opinion... you did it to yourself. You got to clingy and insecure and she bolted. And she probably is going to keep a wide berth of anyone attempting to secure her into a relationship for a long while.

 

p.s. you invaded her privacy by reading her messages. It shows that you're insecure, and you were seeking validation. You seek to undermine her actions by criticising and nit picking her choices.

 

You didn't get the answers you wanted, so you continually hunt for them to prove it's not your fault, but her screwed up head. You want to feel vindicated.

 

You're a good guy.. ok? But stop obsessing about her life. Wish her happiness and move on. You'll be a great catch for someone who has more similiar experiences to yours. This woman had a very different life though. Accept it, and move on.

[Distracted]

I am little lost here... why is it bad to date several men. are women suppose to marry every guy they go on a couple of dates with or something. How else are we, men or women, suppose to find out if someone is right or wrong for us.

 

Now if what you are really talking about is short term relationships that include sex I can begin to figure why you might think she was doing something wrong.... but otherwise- good lord!

[Ukwizard]

Hi Distracted, you have a very good point. To be honest I m not why sure why everyone is digging into me.

 

I only asked for people`s opinions. I ve left her alone. I ve not spoke to her, or attempted to email her or any form. Remember she left me. Dumped me by email. No reasons no nothing, and even said she wanted to be friends.

 

I appreciate peoples opinions, and the reply by WALK has made a huge impact on my, and why she left. Thank you WALK. You`re the only one whos actually made some kind of sense.

 

Not to mention that she's probably going through an incredible growth stage right now. She's attempting to figure out who she is, what she wants from life, and what her view of the future is. She isn't going to trap herself into serious long term relationships again.

 

That has got to be the most realistic answer. YOU SCORE FULL MARKS IN THE ENGLISH EXAMINATION PAPER FOR ANSWERING THE QUESTION CORRECTLY.

 

I have no idea why Art Critic gets his figures of 4 guys a year. The law of averages doesnt work here. I ve already said I had the longest relationship with her at 7 months. To be truthful if you wanted to count the number of men she was with in 1 year. She was with 7 men! So please don`t work out it was 4 men a year. Don`t forget she had one night stands too.

 

I ve been speaking to my friends too, and they have said she`s in love with the idea of being in love. Remember in my thread. She`s not been single for any considerable time. Four days after we split up she went back on the internet, and met someone else.

 

Oh, and Art, 10 years is maybe a long time, but in that relationship she was NOT happy. Don`t forget she had children too. Just by staying in a long relationship, Art. That doesnt make it a "successful" one does it?

 

I know why she wanst becuase she can`t communicate what she wants. I ve never lied, cheated, criticised her in anyway, for or sort. I let her do what she wanted, and thats why she left. My ex is a very needy kind of person, and what I do know is when I was away for a week. Just one week she sppoke to someone on the internet, and told her what she wanted to hear. About a month after that she left.

 

ANd for people to say move on. Of cousre I have. Like I said before, I ve dated 2 other people. I took up a college course. An intensive course at college of 22 weeks, and PASSED! Took up dancing lessons, and left me ex well alone!

 

The issue isn`t with me. SEVEN men in ONE year is indicative of a flawed character. I m asking the original question, to understand, and to learn from that.

 

I think what WALK is saying is maybe she is frightened of a long term relationship. A commitment phobe now due to her 10 year experience with her ex husband.

 

The thing is. Doesn`t she realise shes hurting not anybody else but also her?

[Porn_Guy]

The issue isn`t with me. SEVEN men in ONE year is indicative of a flawed character.

who says? i've know women who date 7 men in 3 months....its all a matter of opinion. personally i think the avg reasonable person wouldn't bat an eye about this in todays dating world

[Star Gazer]

OMG. Let me spell it out for you since you clearly don't get it. (Sorry everyone, I just can't take it anymore...he's suffering from his cluelessness.)

 

PornGuy is referring to your avatar... it's a PUPPET for crying out loud.

 

ArtCritic did an average - 8 men in 2 years is ... guess ... 4 in a year.

 

 

I've "dated" about 15 men over the past 2 years... everything from one date to a full-on relationship. "Dating" is about getting to know someone. You can't fault her for spending ANY amount of time "getting to know someone" and moving on (like she did with you) when she has the ah-ha! moment that the dude she's dating isn't the one for her.

 

And the more you analyze HER, the more miserable you'll be. Focus your energies inward.

[amaysngrace]

Focus your energies inward.

 

This is good advice Puppet.

 

Now I feel like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire. Didn't she call the kids that?

 

Anyway you should stop worrying about her and worry about yourself. Worrying about what she's doing is taking the focus off of what YOU should be doing.

 

Personally I think you just need convincing that it's not you, it's her. And you hope someone will say that to you.

[ShoeGirl]

Ukwizard,

You want to know why she would date so many men... well from my perspective after being in an unhappy marriage for so long she "saw the light" so to speak, she saw that there are guys out there who are far better than her ex-H. She became free to to what she wanted, she could go date whoever she wanted. She was probably also afraid of getting hurt again, maybe she still is, so every time a guy got close to her she freaked out and ran. There could be a million reasons why one of those 8 guys, including you, didn't make her happy for that long, you really can't figure out why without talking to her.

 

I got out of a bad relationship that I was in for 2.5 years in October and since then I have dated 2 guys... one was only a few dates (a week or two at the most) and the other I am still dating now. For me it was a great feeling to feel wanted again because the relationship I had been in I wasn't treated all that well, and these other guys had qualities that my ex didn't, so I was attracted to them. IMO her dating 8 guys in 22 months is really not that much, that is an average of nearly 3 months per guy.