Always kicked when I'm down...

[blind_otter]

Well let's put things into perspective. I mean, a moment of sorrow is normal with grief. And your perceptions can get distorted when you are in that mind state. You forget all the progress you have made and the resolutions you came to, in a frenzy of grief-stricken depression.

 

But the problem is, everyone else still sees how far you've come. Then, when they point it out to you, it seems like an attack or some kind of disparaging comment.

 

I understand grief. I am going through it myself. Depression is different from grief because it always comes from distorted perceptions of reality that are not based in logic. Nothing is black and white, KM. You need to remember your victories and be proud of them. That's the best way to combat this depression.

 

Or try sitting down and making a triple column list. The first column should contain your depression-inducing thoughts. The second should include the cognitive distortion inherent therein, the third column should be easy -- refute the illogical depressive thoughts based on the cognitive distortions.

 

Here's a list of common cognitive distortions:

1. All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

 

2. Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

 

3. Mental filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.

 

4. Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. You maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.

 

5. Jumping to conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.

 

- Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and don't bother to check it out.

- The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly and feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.

 

6. Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow's imperfections). This is also called the "binocular trick."

 

7. Emotional reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

 

8. Should statements: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn'ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.

 

9. Labeling and mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, "He's a damn louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

 

10. Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible.

[magichands]

if you treated a partner even passingly like this, why would they want to stick around?

Ouch!

 

Ouch!

 

Ouch!

 

They say the truth hurts, but I didn't think it would smart quite as much as this.

 

Ouch!

[magichands]

Nothing is black and white, KM.

I couldn't agree more. Take me, for example - I'm pink and white.

 

Black-and-white thinking could be part of my problem... in thinking my ex is perfect, and I'm a big dumbarse. Fortunately that's not your problem, and there is no need to dilute this thread further with my crap.

 

But you do need to "bend" your reality a little more. To something that betters resembles reality.

[KittenMoon]

Ouch!

 

Ouch!

 

Ouch!

 

They say the truth hurts, but I didn't think it would smart quite as much as this.

 

Ouch!

 

Oh, stop it! Now you're just repeating your sarcasm- you've used this line before.

 

Fine, live in your little cynisism bubble- it's easier to just be a jerk.

[KittenMoon]

Well let's put things into perspective. I mean, a moment of sorrow is normal with grief. And your perceptions can get distorted when you are in that mind state. You forget all the progress you have made and the resolutions you came to, in a frenzy of grief-stricken depression.

 

But the problem is, everyone else still sees how far you've come. Then, when they point it out to you, it seems like an attack or some kind of disparaging comment.

 

I don't feel attacked- me and magichands always do this on my threads.

 

And it's not anything in particular that bothers me except I go into these cycles of deep sadness, nothing seems to get me out of it, and it all seems independent of how I actually feel, if that makes any sense. Logic is still there, but the sadness overwhelms it.

 

And it's at these moments of extreme sadness, which aren't even always tied to anything specific (like my ex), something always seems to come along to push me over that tenuous edge from sadness into a full on depression, and sometimes it takes days to come out of, even when I can't tell you why I feel bad.

 

It's maddening that my emotions continue to feel like their acting independently of me!

 

Ug, forget it, it never makes any sense anyways.

[blind_otter]

And it's not anything in particular that bothers me except I go into these cycles of deep sadness, nothing seems to get me out of it, and it all seems independent of how I actually feel, if that makes any sense. Logic is still there, but the sadness overwhelms it.

 

Makes perfect sense to me. But you have control over both your thoughts and your emotions. You just have to take control. I only learned about this recently in therapy through a book I'm reading right now.

 

And it's at these moments of extreme sadness, which aren't even always tied to anything specific (like my ex), something always seems to come along to push me over that tenuous edge from sadness into a full on depression, and sometimes it takes days to come out of, even when I can't tell you why I feel bad.

 

Well my question to you is -- what do you do to get out of it? What do you do to get control of your thoughts and emotions? Because like I said before, they are entirely within your control. It is cognitive distortions that keep you depressed, nothing else.

 

I challenge you to do that three column list. I mean, even if it doesn't work at least you tried something. And something NEW is better than all the old things you've tried in the past that continue to fail you. Take control of yourself.

 

I'm just saying.

[KittenMoon]

No, this is the thing:

 

I feel like I've done every g*ddamn thing suggested, even the things I was utterly loathe to do, done so much, accomplished so much, fought myself up and down and sideways and IT'S NOT ANY BETTER. It's just easier to hide.

 

All I do is pretend to be happy, doing things I pretend make me happy, and unable to do the things that REALLY make me happy.

 

I'm tired of being told its going to get better, tired of believing that, because it doesn't. So I wonder if its just time to accept that.

[blind_otter]

No, this is the thing:

 

I feel like I've done every g*ddamn thing suggested, even the things I was utterly loathe to do, done so much, accomplished so much, fought myself up and down and sideways and IT'S NOT ANY BETTER. It's just easier to hide.

 

It doesn't GET better, KM. It gets easier to cope with over time. That's as good as it gets. And that's not depressing, it's reality. Don't let it make you more depressed.

 

I'm tired of being told its going to get better, tired of believing that, because it doesn't. So I wonder if its just time to accept that.

 

No, it isn't time to accept that. Then you are defeated before you begin. Look, it is hard. It IS HARD to get over sh*t. It takes years, depending on how severe the trauma, and other random external circumstances.

 

I've felt the way you do so many times in my life I can't count. But after I lost my Dad something changed and I found a way to have faith. If I can, after so much crap that I have had to wade through, then you can.

 

I'm not talking about having faith in God, though I do. It's more about having faith in yourself. Going easy on yourself. Having realistic expectations about your recovery.

 

It didn't kill you so it has to make you stronger.

[KittenMoon]

It is cognitive distortions that keep you depressed, nothing else.

 

I cannot find any cognitive distortions that make sense. I can see my idealized thoughts and I can see what I know is the reality (like I can think of my ex being good, supportive friend, except I KNOW he walked away from close friends of 5+ years like he barely knew them).

 

What brings me down is focusing so much on my hobbies and career and telling myself this is good, this is what I want, but that's NOT the case. Deep inside I know everything I am doing isn't what I WANT.

 

It's substenance that gets me by, but it's not fulfilling. And no amount of reasoning with myself or trying to trick myself into believing this stuff makes me happy seems to work.

 

I'm frustrated.

[KittenMoon]

It didn't kill you so it has to make you stronger.

 

Do you ever have a few hours to kill before doing something you're excited for, so you try to fill that time with just whatever to make it pass?

 

That's how life feels like to me. Like I'm just killing time before something really exciting. And in all the years I've tried to excape this feeling, I just keep coming back to it.

 

I want to be as simplistic as so many of the people around me seem. It looks so nice.

[KittenMoon]

Ug, why do I do this? Samn g*ddamn existential circles I've been running in since I was 11.

 

Nevermind everything. There are no answers. I'm gonna break my brain if I keep this up.

[blind_otter]

I want to be as simplistic as so many of the people around me seem. It looks so nice.

 

That's a generalization. Everyone has their own drama. We are not privvy to the private lives of others, regardless of how much you believe others disclose their private life to you.

 

I understand how you feel; you may not believe this, but it's true, at least to me...

[magichands]

I want to be as simplistic as so many of the people around me seem. It looks so nice.

I'm trying hard not to think about penguins. It's so hard, because I keep coming back to them.

 

I hope I don't slip over too many times this winter... damn! There are those penguins again. Maybe I should go see a movie? Damn!

 

I think I might go check out the neighbour's trash to try to take my mind off them. They're so addictive.

[KittenMoon]

I'm trying hard not to think about penguins. It's so hard, because I keep coming back to them.

 

I hope I don't slip over too many times this winter... damn! There are those penguins again. Maybe I should go see a movie? Damn!

 

I think I might go check out the neighbour's trash to try to take my mind off them. They're so addictive.

 

And there goes your usual escape into the nonsensical....

 

I get the sense it would be interesting to pick your brain IRL.

[KittenMoon]

That's a generalization. Everyone has their own drama. We are not privvy to the private lives of others, regardless of how much you believe others disclose their private life to you.

 

I know it's there. Everyone hides their problems, sometimes in plain site. But it's there.

 

Sometimes I just wish my issues were more grounded- like worrying about student loans or research papers, or medical internships, etc, like my friends. Undefinable concerns SUCK. Maybe I just need more real problems.... (>knock on wood<)

[magichands]

I get the sense it would be interesting to pick your brain IRL.

Beats talking to myself. You might want to bring one of those squishy stress balls, though.

Maybe I just need more real problems.... (>knock on wood<)

That would help. But, like you say, hopefully there are easier ways to get some perspective.

 

I prefer to touch wood. Gentler, and more satisfying.

http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-tou1.htm

[KittenMoon]

Beats talking to myself. You might want to bring one of those squishy stress balls, though.

 

I think I'd be just fine. I rarely feel challenged by anyone's personality, so I might even enjoy myself.

[magichands]

I think I'd be just fine. I rarely feel challenged by anyone's personality, so I might even enjoy myself.

The stress ball was for me.

[KittenMoon]

The stress ball was for me.

 

Do elephants need extra large stress balls?

[magichands]

Do elephants need extra large stress balls?

Haha. Good point. Bring a few different sizes, and we'll see what fits. I like to slowly grind away until it pops. Then it usually springs back to its original shape, ready for more grinding.

 

One must always remember not to use one's teeth.

[blind_otter]

Haha. Good point. Bring a few different sizes, and we'll see what fits. I like to slowly grind away until it pops. Then it usually springs back to its original shape, ready for more grinding.

 

One must always remember not to use one's teeth.

 

Why did I find this faintly erotic?

 

KM - I think that a lot of us feel the same way. Wishing our problems were more grounded in the "Real World." Then again, have you seen any of the cast members from "The Real World" lately? They're all crazy as loons.

[magichands]

Why did I find this faintly erotic?

Everyone here knows you have a dirty mind. I think it's best not to fight it.

KM - I think that a lot of us feel the same way. Wishing our problems were more grounded in the "Real World."

I'm not so sure... I think I need more fantasy problems. Like girls that scream "that's just too big," and run away. I love my pet spider.

[KittenMoon]

Then again, have you seen any of the cast members from "The Real World" lately? They're all crazy as loons.

 

Ug, I can't watch that cr@p.

 

"What happens when you put seven mildly retarded people who look good in bathing suits in a house together? Find out what happens when people stop acting nice, and start acting like self-absorbed attention whores- NEXT! On "The Real World"!

[blind_otter]

Now there are some "real" problems for ya.

 

Anyways I love you, KM. I like all the warped edges and bruised spots. They make you much more interesting than a cookie cutter.

[Porn_Guy]

I like you also KM....you're the best! Hang in there...