hdspce Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Firstly, I would like to point out how valuable I have found so many of the posts on LS. I am only 7 days into my break-up but I have already amazed myself at how far I have come in my thinking. 3 days ago I was nothing short of an absolute wreck - the realisations that my 3 year relationship was over was just too much to bear. My situation has been made worse with the fact that the two of us had only just relocated and after only a few weeks in our new flat, I am facing a number of months here on my own surrounded by things that only serve to remind me of my ex and the relationship that I have now lost. I have never done so much thinking and talking to myself in my life. If it wasn't for finding this forum, I am sure I would still be a complete mess - it has really helped me think rationally and realistically. I am thankful that the relationship was a very loving one with absolutely no significant bad times in the entire 3 years. Sadly, there were always underlying elements in both our individual lives that, while not effecting our closeness and love for one another, meant that a break-up was always going to happen at some point even if we tried to surpress it. It is this realization that is really helping me right now. My ex is due to visit the flat again tomorrow to pack her stuff. This is a heartbreaking thing to have to accept and witness but tonight I have written some personal reminders for coping with the situation: Be realistic about the situation and admit that, given all the facts, this would have HAD to have happened at some point. Use eventual contact and life-long friend status as the ultimate goal and culmination of the relationship to fully give it worth, even it it takes a while to establish fully. Remember that to end the physical relationship on mutual understanding and respect means that no single element of the partnership was ever a waste. Remember that love and respect will remain. Make peace with the fact that lives have to go on and that part of loving is to see the other person happy and living to the best of their abilities. Use the situation to your advantage and that instead of feeling like you have been put back, realise that you have in fact taken one step closer to your ultimate goals - even if right now you feel lost and life seems difficult. Take each day as it comes. There is a lot to achieve and some of it will be done on your own but as long as you take one step at a time, all will be realised very easily. Even if you feel desolate, you never know what is around the corner. With each goal will come new possibilities. Obviously, my story is one of mutual acceptance that something had to give even though it was her that made the sudden decision and I would have done everything to stay together. Then again, we probably *did* do everything. The most important thing for me is the goal of remaining friends as soon as it is confortable for both of us. I understand that different break-ups happen under different circumstances and that some of the above may be much harder to realise or even impossible altogether. I just hope that there is something here that will help some of us get through such a painful time in our lives.
Mollyanna Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I just want to say - Wow. If you are this level-headed all the time over this breakup, you are incredible. I only wish I could be so calm.
lorr Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Firstly, I would like to point out how valuable I have found so many of the posts on LS. I am only 7 days into my break-up but I have already amazed myself at how far I have come in my thinking. 3 days ago I was nothing short of an absolute wreck - the realisations that my 3 year relationship was over was just too much to bear. My situation has been made worse with the fact that the two of us had only just relocated and after only a few weeks in our new flat, I am facing a number of months here on my own surrounded by things that only serve to remind me of my ex and the relationship that I have now lost. I have never done so much thinking and talking to myself in my life. If it wasn't for finding this forum, I am sure I would still be a complete mess - it has really helped me think rationally and realistically. I am thankful that the relationship was a very loving one with absolutely no significant bad times in the entire 3 years. Sadly, there were always underlying elements in both our individual lives that, while not effecting our closeness and love for one another, meant that a break-up was always going to happen at some point even if we tried to surpress it. It is this realization that is really helping me right now. My ex is due to visit the flat again tomorrow to pack her stuff. This is a heartbreaking thing to have to accept and witness but tonight I have written some personal reminders for coping with the situation: Be realistic about the situation and admit that, given all the facts, this would have HAD to have happened at some point.Use eventual contact and life-long friend status as the ultimate goal and culmination of the relationship to fully give it worth, even it it takes a while to establish fully.Remember that to end the physical relationship on mutual understanding and respect means that no single element of the partnership was ever a waste.Remember that love and respect will remain.Make peace with the fact that lives have to go on and that part of loving is to see the other person happy and living to the best of their abilities.Use the situation to your advantage and that instead of feeling like you have been put back, realise that you have in fact taken one step closer to your ultimate goals - even if right now you feel lost and life seems difficult.Take each day as it comes. There is a lot to achieve and some of it will be done on your own but as long as you take one step at a time, all will be realised very easily.Even if you feel desolate, you never know what is around the corner. With each goal will come new possibilities.Obviously, my story is one of mutual acceptance that something had to give even though it was her that made the sudden decision and I would have done everything to stay together. Then again, we probably *did* do everything. The most important thing for me is the goal of remaining friends as soon as it is confortable for both of us. I understand that different break-ups happen under different circumstances and that some of the above may be much harder to realise or even impossible altogether. I just hope that there is something here that will help some of us get through such a painful time in our lives. That was a brillant post.You definetly have got your head screwed on. Wishing you all the best!
Author hdspce Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 Well, after really feeling so much stronger, everything has just crumbled around me again. Last night I mas made aware of an accusation made against me insinuating that I had been with a GUY while my girlfriend was away for a number of months last year!! I cannot believe what is being said and no matter how hard I try and make her understand that this is completely fabricated lies. I am not gay, bisexual or even curious. The person in question is not even someone I know all that well. I was so ready and determined to make our peace and end our relationship the best way possible and now I have been hurt all over again with a vicious lie and I have absolutely no idea why this person would ever make up such a story. Throughout our relationship I remained completely loyal yet no-one seems to completely believe me. At the very least I would expect my ex to be able to not make any rushed assumptions, especially as we had been together for 3 years with no trust issues. I just don't know what I need to do to make her believe me. I don't blame her for being so upset and confused because I am as well but I need to clear my name over this.
kymberann Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Perhaps she is using this as an excuse to justify her own reasons for the break up? Best
Author hdspce Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 Actually, I would like to now leave this issue as separate. Felt like I needed to put my feelings down here at the time. If any mod could delete the last 2 posts I would be appreciative. Thanks.
miss snoopy Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Actually, I would like to now leave this issue as separate. Felt like I needed to put my feelings down here at the time. If any mod could delete the last 2 posts I would be appreciative. Thanks. I don't think it's possible to get the mods to delete your posts - unless your life is in danger or something similar.
Recommended Posts