jidgey16 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 ok so I posted before about asking how to ask where you stand with a guy...and i posted that i asked and he said he wasn't a jerk and wasn't going to hurt me... well...we started being intimate about 1 week ago because he wanted to wait until it felt right...ever since we have done that he hasn't been calling as much, hasn't been texting, and hasn't been asking me to hang out... I have been the one asking to hang out and calling...if i would have known that this was going to happen after having sex, i would NEVER have done it in the first place...I just assumed he was ready because he pursued it finally... Last time i saw him was on Thursday...I haven't heard from him since..I am old fashioned and think that this is EXTREMELY rude not to cal after having sex...especially since it wasn't a one night stand and we have been talking for over a month...now what?!?!!??!
paris38 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 This is a tough one. He may be backing off to say "OK, we were intimate but that doesn't mean you're my girlfriend yet" and seeing how you react. There is really nothing, in my opinion, that you can do until he contacts you. PLEASE don't call him. You WILL regret it. I guess, also, if this does not work out with this guy, you can use it as an experience to not sleep with someone unless you know for sure you two are truly "together" and there are strong feelings on both parts. I know people on here will disagree, but it is the only way to ensure that he will call. The last relationship I was in ended, but we had sex after he referred to me as his "girlfriend" and made it clear to me he had serious intentions with me. This was about 4 weeks into it. I didn't ask his intentions, he showed his intentions to me through his actions and what he chose to say. He made it clear that he really wanted me in his life. Ok, it lasted a year and 8 months, but he stayed overnight with me, the entire weekend....then he called the instant he was on the road driving home to tell me how crazy about me he was. Don't be intimate until you know his intentions and he has strong feelings for you.
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Don't call him anymore, let him get intouch with you. just assumed he was ready because he pursued it finally... For the future, TALK about it, don't assume...
HopefulOne Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Don't call him anymore, let him get intouch with you. I agree wiith this.... don't call him... For the future, TALK about it, don't assume... Again, I agree with this ...
paris38 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Don't call him anymore, let him get intouch with you. For the future, TALK about it, don't assume... but a man who is totally crazy about you will give you actions and tell you before you have to bring it up. You just KNOW when a guy is totally into you and won't bail after having sex. You shouldn't have to ask.
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 You just KNOW when a guy is totally into you and won't bail after having sex. You shouldn't have to ask. I disagree. MANY men can give off signals that they want sex, even too soon, but then afterwards they TAKE OFF like a bat outta hell........... It is too bad that it happens, but it does. People freak out afterwards, so who knows if he is playing her for a fool, or if he is just scared because they got close. Either way, the NC will show his true colours. If he is interested in her, he'll call and talk this out. If he doesn't call, then he's got NO balls to tell her the truth and end it, or let her know that things moved too fast and they need to slow it down.
paris38 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I disagree. MANY men can give off signals that they want sex, even too soon, but then afterwards they TAKE OFF like a bat outta hell........... It is too bad that it happens, but it does. People freak out afterwards, so who knows if he is playing her for a fool, or if he is just scared because they got close. Either way, the NC will show his true colours. If he is interested in her, he'll call and talk this out. If he doesn't call, then he's got NO balls to tell her the truth and end it, or let her know that things moved too fast and they need to slow it down. A guy that is really into you will show you that he is in it for REAL BEFORE he has sex. He will call you his girlfriend, he will tell you and SHOW you how crazy he is for you. You don't have doubts of his FEELINGS because he has done things that show you his intentions and that he is feeling a real connection with you. He tells you he wants to see JUST YOU. Get it? You KNOW when you go to bed with him finally that he is going to be there afterward, and in fact be begging for the next time to have the opportunity to see you again because you have allowed him to get to know you and allowed him to develop real feelings for you by waiting.
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Yes, I get it. But in her situation it wasn't like what you described above. If it were this wouldn't be happening now. I'm old enough (nearly 36) to know about men, relationships and how things work...
Author jidgey16 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 its a little wierd because im used to guys wanting just sex and thats it...this guy wasn't like that..he told me he was a virgin until he was 24 and that its very special to him to do that with a girl...we waited for a month...because HE wanted to wait not me...that is why this is all so damn confusing because I thought after sex things would move forward...because it is that important to him...when in actuality they have moved backwards...just so fing strange... he did call me tonight tho...to say hi...but he made no plans to hang out...i don't know if he is scared, embaressed (im a terrible speller), or just a jerk???
jusified Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 instead of posting on here and getting guesses of whatis going on, why not just ask him?? Talk to him like you talk to people on here and be honest?
paris38 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 If he really wants to see her, he will make a point of seeing her. He called her last night, even if he wanted to see her last night, it was too late for him to call, if he offered to do something she should say "no, I have plans." BUT...he didn't even ask to get together...I stand by my assertion to wait to sleep with a guy until a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship has been established already and the 'sleeping together' part is now an added bonus of this union. He STILL didn't give words or actions that said "You are my girlfriend, I want to be with you, you are totally awesome and I am privileged to get to be your exclusive boyfriend." He didn't really have to do anything to get her in bed, so now she is not a 'prize' he is seeking. She may have to cut her losses with this one. she absolutely should NOT call because he is not interested in a relationship like she is. If he returns she should wait a LONG time before sleeping with him again, until he has exhibited actions which say what I said above..
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