everything is a mess...

[pricillia]

Listen every situation is different, I have never laughed about any of this, I take it to heart and very seriously. Most of the OW here don't feel good about the situation that they are in.

NOt on drugs,do you need to refill your paxill ?

Did i state this to you personally ?

And did i not write its not alll black & white?

This is a public forum not everybody will agree with you ,grow up.

And if you dont feel very good about being a OW?

Make a change ,a choice because hes is certainly not if your on this forum.

O and with the morals i was referring to the parents of X MM current OW knowing about him being married and carrying on in there home ?

thats just sick im not sorry that i feel that way yeah i did it in my own home

Im not saying anotherow1 is a homewreaker im saying her family

may percieve it as such.

yeah im a former OW BenThereDunThat you and the other totally misread and took what i posted to a whole other level .

some of us learn from our mistakes and others dont,we all know its wrong sleeping with someones husband REALLY!

dont jump my SH*T for posting my opinion or a comment ,OK?

 

The above seems to be a mixed up lump of previous posts seems like a mess to me!

 

 

You don't need to put insecurities into OP's head that she will be percieved by her family as a Homewrecker.

 

So you are a fomer OW who tells other women who were once in your situation that they need to refill thier paxel?? (again what is paxel?)

 

How is that being supportive.

 

Also the way that you quoted seems as if what you wrote and what I wrote got mixed up toghether, I hope that the readers here can separate the two. I am not as you say jump my SH*T on you what ever that means just saying don't try to make someone insecure about the BS going to her house with a violent streak, that is not OW's fault.

 

And yes you have learned from your mistake... I guess that means that we have not, and that gives you the right... public forum or not to stomp on us...

[pricillia]

RedLynne - I was not addressing you. I was addressing Seen It All. In both my posts. I have no clue what your story is.

 

 

No she was addressing me. That is fine, I am strong I can take it.

 

But the point is OP asked for help on stopping OW from possibly attacking her and MM....

 

and for the record I still don't know what Paxil is.

[outofdarkness]

I don't blame your parents for being disappointed. No one raises their kid to be a liar and sneak. If I had a daughter and she'd been lying to ME - and the rest of the free world - while she was sneaking around with a married man, I'd be disgusted with her too.

 

You also knew what you were getting into when you got involved with this creep. You bought your ticket, unfortunately, you now get to take your ride. When you won this prize you also got the wife, the kids, the in-laws, the disapproving friends, neighbors and extended family, the baggage and enough drama for a couple of lifetimes.

 

And all at the tender age of 26.

 

I'd rather have my eyes plucked out by a vulture.

I am a BS and I thought your reply was sort of harsh. NO, it was not right for anotherow1 to lie to her parent's for four years, but she is of legal age, and it was her choice. A's are all about lies and deceit, so why should the parents be exempt from that? Re: The MM being separated and not yet divorced. I agree with one poster who stated that separation is NOT the same as divorced. Any decent attorney will tell you if you are separated, NOT to even date!!! It could be detrimental to the clients case..Especially if there are children involved, I would think twice if I were your MM before I flaunted your relationship. I also agree with the poster who said that if the W is behaving the way you have described, she is breaking the law, and a restraining order is warrented and should be taken out immediately. BS's can become crazy when they find out of the cheating, and if they are prone to having a bad temper or , this could be a very dangerous situation for ALL involved. Look at the news, it's all over the place. Protect yourself...and you will protect ALL involved, including the kids...Hope this helps.

[whichwayisup]

Paxil is an anti-depressant and/or can be used for anxiety disorders as well.

[pricillia]

Paxil is an anti-depressant and/or can be used for anxiety disorders as well.

 

 

THANK-YOU!!!!

 

not making fun of being depressed or anxiety at all just got an answer in this

 

thanks again WWIU

[whichwayisup]

I don't do meds, even though I suffer from anxiety. I know about this drug as my prevoius DR tried to put me on it and I refused! Afew friends of mine in the past have gone on it and had AWFUL experiences with it so I wouldn't recommend anyone take it unless you know what the side effects are and are sure you can handle it.

 

I know you weren't making fun of anyone who suffers from depression/anxiety.

[pricillia]

I don't do meds, even though I suffer from anxiety. I know about this drug as my prevoius DR tried to put me on it and I refused! Afew friends of mine in the past have gone on it and had AWFUL experiences with it so I wouldn't recommend anyone take it unless you know what the side effects are and are sure you can handle it.

 

I know you weren't making fun of anyone who suffers from depression/anxiety.

 

I think that sometimes too I get just much too depressed, I commend you for not taking drugs, I do not think that I could do that either as you said there are many side effects.

[whichwayisup]

Therapy has helped me alot, and doing yoga. Getting a SAD light for those dull gray days.

 

I do know that if my therapist told me YOU NEED TO GET ON MEDS I would, but she really felt that I could deal with my anxiety disorder without going on meds...And Im glad for my choices too.

 

Hang in there! PM me if you need to talk about it.

 

Sorry mods for thread stealing!

[pricillia]

long story short....

been with MM for 4 years, he left twice, this time he has not gone back, its been 8 months. he is going to a lawyer to get the seperation taken care of, so i know he is def gonne do it.

 

Now the wife is not accepting any of this and has come to my apartment several times, breaking my windows and beating up MM's car, the police have been called once. the last time she came over to my apt, it was a big scene and the next day her and her crazy sister called my parents and told them everything, which is utterly ridiculous(i'm 25 yrs old) its not like i'm 16 and my parents are gonne ground me. however, i have been lying to my parents for 4 years and they are totally destroyed and now everything is a mess and i dont know what to do.... some insight from anyone please!!!!

 

 

I am sorry that you are going through this, I hope that you remain safe. Is it possible for MM to leave you out of the situation for a while until things calm down, I mean not living with you until his separation/divorce is final this way the BS can leave you out of it.

 

I hope this all works out.

[redlynne]

"You don't need to put insecurities into OP's head that she will be percieved by her family as a Homewrecker.

 

So you are a fomer OW who tells other women who were once in your situation that they need to refill thier paxel?? (again what is paxel?)

 

How is that being supportive.

 

Also the way that you quoted seems as if what you wrote and what I wrote got mixed up toghether, I hope that the readers here can separate the two. I am not as you say jump my SH*T on you what ever that means just saying don't try to make someone insecure about the BS going to her house with a violent streak, that is not OW's fault.

 

And yes you have learned from your mistake... I guess that means that we have not, and that gives you the right... public forum or not to stomp on us..."

 

Look pricilla im not going to keep going back & forth with you .

The homewrecker if its in her head so be it ,if everything she reads on the internet "puts insecurities in her head "then what i post is the least of her problems.

Homewrecker,yes thats how people may percieve it ,i dont know if you are involved with a MM right now ,but does your family know ?

I know i was embarassed about anybody knowing ,she needs to address that its a common perception .

And i would never let that get to my family she needs to deal with MM who needs to deal with W or soon to be XW.

The W has everyright to be angry but not act a fool @the same time i understand her anger & even wish the OW luck which i did.

When you get in these situations there is a chance of W going off when she finds out ,it is reaping what you sow .

I did not post a reply to something you posted had i maybe i would even a tiny bit understand you anger .

I didnt mean to insult you as you seem to have taken it that way ,but i am not going to explain myself for what i post so going forward if i am posting to another i dont need your personal opinion to my reply directed @ me .

"Stomp on us "I was posting a reply in a public forum hardly stomping , You are not the forum police please dont be so sencitive .

This site is for differnt opinions not "o your screwing a MM ,well everything will be ok"support comes in differnt shapes & words .

I learned from my mistake the poster seems to be getting a postive outcome that will be hard work ,i do hope it works again as i stated its not all black & white .

I wish her luck& you as well pricilla ...

Please dont reply just dont comment to me .

thank you.

[pricillia]

Redlyne,

 

You can hit the quote button and it will quote what I have written, again it seems to be all mixed up, not picking on you just trying to make it so other readers can separate what each of us have written.

 

I know that this is a public forum and yes you have a right to post what you would like, it is not for me to say otherwise, in that instance when you post you may get a relpy from someone who does not agree with what you have said or an opinion that you may have.

 

Sometimes being an OW or a former OW for that matter does do things to your soul that you never would want to happen. No we are not tortured as there are worse things that people go through in this life. If you look at the big picture here what we are going through and what we will go through means nothing in this world when there are so many others suffering as we speak.

 

But it does not give anyone the right (not saying you) to degrade or to be so harsh that they are hurting the situation not helping, and yes again I know that this is a public forum and there are all different types of thinkers out there, but hopefully when I and if I come through the other side of this a a true Former OW I hope I will not let it change my compassion understanding and hope for the others after me.

[redlynne]

Redlyne,

 

You can hit the quote button and it will quote what I have written, again it seems to be all mixed up, not picking on you just trying to make it so other readers can separate what each of us have written.

 

I know that this is a public forum and yes you have a right to post what you would like, it is not for me to say otherwise, in that instance when you post you may get a relpy from someone who does not agree with what you have said or an opinion that you may have.

 

Sometimes being an OW or a former OW for that matter does do things to your soul that you never would want to happen. No we are not tortured as there are worse things that people go through in this life. If you look at the big picture here what we are going through and what we will go through means nothing in this world when there are so many others suffering as we speak.

 

But it does not give anyone the right (not saying you) to degrade or to be so harsh that they are hurting the situation not helping, and yes again I know that this is a public forum and there are all different types of thinkers out there, but hopefully when I and if I come through the other side of this a a true Former OW I hope I will not let it change my compassion understanding and hope for the others after me.

LOl ok i most likely hit quote .

I do have compassion & understanding but i guess i do see it another light as far as it being a choice to get out as i was not smart & stayed for 5 years and @that time i would get very upset if someone percieved my situation as not "special".

Its not a easy thing being a OW i didnt want it wouldnt do it agian ,i understand the feelings way too much ,but i also too well understand when your crushed so hard & have to pull yourself up when he was everything and you believed in him ,thought it was for the child and all the other excuses.

Then he changed and i still saw the man i feel in love with all the times i listented to my heart & not my head so maybe i try to be the "head "for those who seem to go back & forth should i stay or go .

I myself regret wasting all that time ,and hope that others can learn from it.

I in no way think bad of those who have A ,i believe it is wrong to do but who doesnt do wrong in life ?

And the one he is with now ?

Thats the ones i think of as "no morals"she laughed (he said)when he told her he cheated on me &W with another ,because she involved herself with someone knowing upfront he was no good ,where he was a differnt person and presented himself differnt to me ,so that particular OW (my XMM) i hope she gets everything she deserves times 2 .

She did not care that he was with his wife & a OW for 5 years .

She is a lowlife,like him i fell in love & yes like a lot of the OW thats why i stayed & waited & put my life on hold .

Even after that it hurt i ended it before i knew about others with him ,still it was hard i hurt so bad ,then i found out about others.

I went to therapy that helped still it was really hard .

LS helped all the OW and even BS helped me .

I hadnt really posted when i ended it ,but i did before & i stayed away from here for awhile.

So sorry if i offended you.

[GreenEyedLady]

Ladies, ladies, ladies...Why the infighting? Isn't it enough that we have BS's to contend with? This is the OW/OM Forum...While of course no one has to agree, the point is to give support and encouragement to people who need it...Have we learned nothing from each other? Why break each other down? Why point fingers? Are we in any position to do that?

 

I say this all respectfully...while everyone here is in different stages of the A, we all know what it feels like...we all have something to give to others here...just remember that people are hurting here and do you really want to add to it? Just my thoughts as I read this thread...

[GreenEyedLady]

it was a big scene and the next day her and her crazy sister called my parents and told them everything, which is utterly ridiculous(i'm 25 yrs old) its not like i'm 16 and my parents are gonne ground me. however, i have been lying to my parents for 4 years and they are totally destroyed and now everything is a mess and i dont know what to do.... some insight from anyone please!!!!

 

I really feel for you...but you are right, you are an ADULT so act like one...you are old enough to make your own decisions, so stand behind it now and own it...Your parents of course are hurt, but they are your PARENTS: they LOVE you and they WANT the best for YOU...that is why they are so upset...only time will tell if this will work out...if he does what he says and is good to you, they will forgive him, eventually...they have your best interests at heart...if it doesn't work out, they'll just hate him and be there for you if it ends...

[NoIDidn't]

Isn't it enough that we have BS's to contend with?

 

LMAO!!! I couldn't resist. Sorry GEL.

 

Oh, the irony. LOL!

[GreenEyedLady]

LMAO!!! I couldn't resist. Sorry GEL.

 

Oh, the irony. LOL!

 

Glad I gotcha to laugh!!! And I'm sure you know what I meant...

[NoIDidn't]

Glad I gotcha to laugh!!! And I'm sure you know what I meant...

 

Of course, I know what you meant. First I was laughing because it meant just the BS's here already. Then the twist jumped out.

 

It was funny for a minute.

 

Sorry, again. I couldn't resist.

[Fly My Pretties]

meh, what's the point

[frannie]

i appreciate your reply. the MM is very supportive of me and he is very concerned about the relationship with my family and how we can try to repair it.

 

as far as the W goes, her and her family are apparenty nuts, maybe b/c of what has happened to her, but from what i understand they have just always been nuts and thats a big reason he left her. there are 2 children involved and the only reason i haven't gotten a restraining order is to protect those kids, but its odd that the w and her sister aren't doing the things they should to protect the kids from this.

 

but as far as my family goes, there are alot of other issues there that aren't helping. i just dont know how to make my parents understand that its not about them. they seem to think that this was a personal attack against them and really seem to have no regard for how i feel and the hell that i have been through in the past 4 years, whether it was my fault or not it still hurts all the same.

 

I'm glad he's being supportive of you, and is trying to sort things out with everyone. I'm not sure what you can do about the restraining order then if you think it will affect the children: how..? What does your MM say..?

 

Give your parents time. They will need to do a bit of 'sulking' and getting over it... they will have to, eh?

 

Just wanted you to know that I'm still listening but I'm not feeling too well today so my mind's a bit all over the place. Take care of yourself and keep posting, if you can stand the bickering

[noforgiveness]

Why did you feel the need to lie to your parents for the last four years?

 

If anything I think your parents are probably very very hurt more than angry. That's a long time to lie to someone about something so important. I think you need to be totally upfront and honest with your feelings to your parents and tell them exactly why you and i guess mm lied.

[Romeo Must Die]

As far as I'm concerned, the MM is still married. Seperation is a relative term. It's what MM say to allow themselves to continue acting like the first class ass holes that they are. You want a BS opinion? The MM is lying to you and he is lying to her and making her believe something different and busting his windows is a message that she's sick of all his lying bull.

 

She's sick of everybodys lies (including yours) and calling your parents means she has called you on your own game, my funny honey bunny.

 

The affair is the proverbial baseball bat he used to smash her windows out for whatever "wrongs" she has done to him and you are his willing accomplice. She has what you wanted and you took it and helped run it into the ground. Just like Bonnie and Clyde. The two of you have taken the first, second and third shot at the BW and this is your come-uppance.

 

Lets get real here, alright. You didnt allow them to reconcille because you were always there to take his sorry ass back, as expected. He never changed. He never learned nothing because he still had his foot out the door the whole time. And you were hoping for that weren't you. That's not a question. That's a statement. You counted on that and you helped make that happen. You werent interested in his marriage, you had your own interests in mind. It's all about you.

 

My husband and I failed reconcilliation FOUR times before we finally got it. We seperated, we divorced, and we still reconcilled. Divorce doesnt mean anything. It's a piece of worthless paper. A real divorce happens here in your heart, and let me tell you that it's really hard to divorce your heart. Go ahead and pretend like it doesnt matter to you. I know it does. WS are not victims and neither are the OW. Oh for the love of pete don't get me started on that.

 

[NoIDidn't]

Rmd,

 

Pm!!!! Pm!!!!! Pm!!!!!

 

Lmao!!

[redlynne]

. "Divorce doesnt mean anything. It's a piece of worthless paper. A real divorce happens here in your heart, and let me tell you that it's really hard to divorce your heart. Go ahead and pretend like it doesnt matter to you. I know it does. WS are not victims and neither are the OW. Oh for the love of pete don't get me started on that."

So if divorce is just a piece of paper is a marriage the same?

Maybe her MM is D in his heart .

The Bs needs to deal with her H not OW,and within the law .

Maybe everybody is wrong MM for cheating ,OW for cheating with him ,Bs for neglecting some needs or whatever.

The BS is not always a saint .

Everybody in that situation no matter whose right or wrong needs to act like adults.

Wasting time whos right whos wrong is pointless ,they are where they are .

The OP does not deserve to be harrassed like that ,even though the BS feeling are understood ,how many of us have thought of going off on somebody who did us wrong?

Few act like that.

I belive in reaping what you sow ,but the W has no right to deliver it .

Life does that & if he wanted to be with W he would he wouldnt let anything stop him.

[Romeo Must Die]

You got it red, HE IS MARRIED.

 

I agree, the BW is not a saint, but she is not the one dragging the OW into this. The OW is a willing participant in her own destruction. She brought this all on herself. The BW didn't ask for this. It was just a matter of time before OW started feeling the heat from the flames of BW's wrath. If you were cheated on by a husband, lied to and betrayed, you might do the same. Dont judge her until you walked a mile in her shoes.

 

When I caught Romeo at OW's house on D-Day, parked against her garage and hidden from the street, I promptly flattened all four tires and left him stranded there on a Sunday. Not a tire shop open for miles around. I sent a message, don't bother coming home. Stay there. IDGAF. I might have even set it on fire and called his own fire department to put it out for him, if I had only thought of it then.

 

Ah, hindsight. Where are you when I needed you.

 

The OW wanted to have me arrested for tresspassing but it was an alley, after all, and open to public use. The vehicle was titled in my name and if I wanted to flatten all four of the tires, then it was my perrogative to do so. No foul of the law.

 

[NoIDidn't]

And the moral of the story is.....you never know what the betrayed party may do so you might not want to eff with 'em.

 

The OP didn't come back and say how she and her parents were doing besides them wanting her to tell her brother about the MM and the A.

 

Four years is a long time to lie to your own parents. My guess is they feel betrayed too. That and they had this stranger contact them to say that their own daughter, their pride and joy, was messing with this stranger's H for four years. They probably got an ear full. Maybe dad cheated or mom cheated and this causes them to relive that pain.

 

Thing is, I think the OP should deal with her parents and that relationship separate from MM for a bit. MM has to deal with his STBXW. The law isn't likely to do more than give her a slap on the wrist under the circumstances though. Unless she causes you bodily harm or a loss of a lot of money, they are likely just going to keep slapping her wrist as she is the wronged party here. Unless you are like a lady where I live who caught her H and his OW in an intersection and rammed them head on with her car, AND then got out and stabbed them.

 

So yeah, if you think this is a mess, you haven't lived long enough yet. LOL! Its still fixable. But I don't think that your parents with ever accept MM now that they have had this dropped into their laps. Gotta choose your priorities. Parents or MM? Parents or MM? That's a toughie. Its like the choice between rebuild support system (parents, who will always love you no matter what) versus temporary personal happiness (with MM as it will not always be happy).