alasia Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Hi...this will be a looong post so I apologise in advance. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months and living with him for the past 4 months. It's been rocky, to say the least. For the first couple of months, the bf was basically running around after another woman - giving her lifts in his car whenever she wanted, phoning her pretty much every day (or she'd call him), things like that. He'd tell me to keep quiet whenever she was on the phone so she wouldn't know I was there (although he insisted she knew who I was...just didn't want him talking about me!). There were a couple of occasions where she stayed the night when I wasn't there (I know for a fact she took the bed - OUR bed - and he slept on the sofa, but I still hated the idea and told him so), and once I was with him in the living room when she sent him text messages asking to come round for "a cup of tea" (which then progresses to messages saying she was stuck in the area and needed to come back to his place to phone a taxi - yeah right!). I asked him to tell her he had company and he wouldn't, which I found slightly strange. Anyway those 2 months were hell, but he eventually cut her out of his life, and we got over it. We still argued quite a bit; we did get on well and were happy together for a lot of the time, but we'd have a lot of misunderstandings where he'd say something, I'd take it the wrong way and we'd get into a row. Usually with one of us saying "it's over" - but we never actually split up. Then over the past month or so I started lashing out during arguments. I'm not condoning it at all because I know if it was the other way around, people would be considering him a woman-beating pig. I did a few things; mostly slapping him on the face or the arm, but I also threw a cup of tea (fairly hot) over him, kicked him whilst drunk with my high-heeled boots on and most recently (which is the incident that caused the break), reaching into the cab of his bus (he's a bus driver and he was on his break at the time, so parked up..but thats no excuse) and slapping him, then pulling his hair. Each time I've known I was going to do it and was able to control myself, I just chose to hit him - at the time, I was convinced he wanted to spolit up with me, so in my mind I was giving him a reason. Although I know what I did was reprehensible. This latest time, it really affected my boyfriend and although he seemed fine and we got on well again afterwards, after I'd left him to stay at my dad's house for the night, he burst into tears and told everyone at his work what had happened. He's also told most of his close family (who now hate me, understandably - and his brother screamed at me and grabbed me/pulled my hair the last time he saw me). I haven't been back home since the night I hit him, which was last saturday. I really don't know where I stand; if I ask if we're splitting up for good, he says he doesnt know and he just needs a break for a bit...or it's too soon to get back together, but when I tell him it's been a week since we went on the break, and if he still wanted to be with me then he'd have done it by now, he tells me not to look on the negative side or says it hasnt actually been a week, because there have only been 2 full days in that time, that we haven't seen each other. The last time I spoke to him was yesterday morning, when he phoned to get some info about my pet rats (which I havent collected from his place yet). He said "don't take this the wrong way, but you can come and see them you know, I don't have to be there"...in my mind, that meant he was definitely seeing us as over, so I asked if we were definitely broken up for good. He said no, and said he'll always have feelings for me because of "what we've been through", then said he still sometimes gets "slight feelings" that he loves me. A bit later on he said he did love me, but it's too soon. He hasn't been in touch since, and I'm trying my hardest not to contcat him. The thing is, it's so hard because I miss him so much, and I wish that he'd just come out and say "it's over", because then maybe I'd have some closure. It's the not knowing that I can't deal with. I honestly think that he's made up his mind and he has ended it, and he's hoping that if he doesn't contact me, I'll eventually give up and move on - but to me, that seems the coward's way out. I just don't get why, whenever I ask if we're over, or say that I know we are, he tells me to stop being silly and that he just doesn't know. Is he just stringing me along for an ego boost or something, or being genuine? Because he's a bus driver, he's working a shift tonight that will mean he's in my town at 9.15pm and 11.15pm, and I'm dying to go down there and see him - if only to give him the dvd that I recorded for him last night (I offered to record a tv programme he wanted to watch, and he said ok)...but I don't think it would help. I was kind of hoping that I'd go down there, be all cool, friendly but a bit aloof - give him the dvd and then go to leave, and he'd ask me to stay and chat or go back to his tonight...but I can't see it happening! Oh by the way, what makes this more complicated is that I found out 4 days into the break, that I'm 5 weeks pregnant with his baby. He knows but hasn't really said a lot about it. Should I just end it with him, before he does, keep up with the NC thing and wait until he makes up his mind, or go and see him tonight? Please help...
lorr Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 This is hands down a VERY unhealthy and abusive relationship. IMHO both of you should just keep your distances from now on, and in no uncertain terms get back together. Your main concern right now is to decide whether you keep the baby or not. If you do, then you must understand that he has a level of responsibility for the child, and this also means that he is NOT obligated in getting back together with you.
Author alasia Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 I'm definitely keeping the baby, theres no question about that.
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