WonderWater Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 As per some of my previous posts, I am in the process of attempting to end my A and move on. The other day, he told me that he had "feelings" for me, but has to decide whether he wants to work at his marriage or leave her for me. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him that he didn't deserve his marriage because he has betrayed and lied to his W for 10 months. The fact that I had the strength to do that proves to me that I am ready to get rid of him... Or at least I had thought so. That was yesterday afternoon. As we departed he told me that he was going to talk to his W, not to reveal the affair, but to reveal that he is unhappy in the marriage. But, it didn't happen Thursday night. It was going to happen tonight during their weekly date. Every night, I know that my MM likes to play this online game and the site displays who is online and logs the person's last time of visit. The stalker side of me will usually check it every night to see how long he is playing or what he is up to. Well, last night, he was never on the site. And now, I am obsessed with knowing where he was. The thoughts running through my head are, "Was he with his W? Did they resolve? Did they break their (MM-claimed) 4-year celibacy? Did the "talk" finally reveal to her his true thoughts and she fell back in love with him?" And I want to kick myself for all of these thoughts. If I am ready to move on, then why am I obsessing about where he is? Why aren't I happy for him possibly resolving with his W? Do these thoughts ever go away?
pureinheart Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Hey WW.... What your going through, "those thoughts" are all normal...it takes time, some longer than others....my thoughts and prayers are definitly with you...(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
redlynne Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 you go through alot those little stalking things are not good if it makes you upset . keep yourself busy ,get him out of your head and be strong . take up a new hobby exercise or something . good luck
Romeo Must Die Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I call what Romeo (my WS) was going through as an "affairoin" drug addiction and in order to get off the drug you have to stop seeking it out. Cut yourself off of your dealer and stop excepting these little highs (hoping they break up) so you can feel good. I know ya loved him, but he was no good for you and it probably wont get any better than what it was. Take for example the little bit of a buzz you got (that he might talk to his wife) and now you've come down and you crashed again, hard. You are looking for your little fix again online and craving more of the bad drug. Take the above posters advice and seek out new kicks and good things will come of it. You need a steady, consistant relationship to fulfill that empty space inside.
marlena Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 I know it is hard to stop hoping..it isn't something that we can easily control...it springs from the heart and speaks to our minds..and that's where the confusion lies....RMD gave an excellent exmaple...My exMM would do the same thing...give me hope and would get that little buzz and as RMD said than I would crash to the ground in a million pieces...over and over again until five years of my life were wasted on false hopes and delusions....and a nervous breakdown...Somehow I hope you find the strength to extricate yourself before its too late....before you fall apart at the seams and damage your soul ..irreperably...Praying for you...
anora Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 I also know what it feels like to be obsessive over a man who is no good for you. Its true it is like a drug - I always thought knowledge is power, and I enjoyed having that power (or so it appears). The problem is knowing just left me wanting to know more, and i couldnt cope when the information I received was good (like hearing from a neutral party when they had a new baby). I have had NC for a really long time, but the hurt is there still, especially when I find things out about him - that sets off a chain reaction, I want more info, end up asking friends that know him, then I hear something else.... and then Im back on planet MM again. It is really hard. Time improves things, and you just have to keep telling yourself that you are better off without him, and that not knowing is better.
kimi2362 Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 As per some of my previous posts, I am in the process of attempting to end my A and move on. The other day, he told me that he had "feelings" for me, but has to decide whether he wants to work at his marriage or leave her for me. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him that he didn't deserve his marriage because he has betrayed and lied to his W for 10 months. The fact that I had the strength to do that proves to me that I am ready to get rid of him... Or at least I had thought so. That was yesterday afternoon. As we departed he told me that he was going to talk to his W, not to reveal the affair, but to reveal that he is unhappy in the marriage. But, it didn't happen Thursday night. It was going to happen tonight during their weekly date. Every night, I know that my MM likes to play this online game and the site displays who is online and logs the person's last time of visit. The stalker side of me will usually check it every night to see how long he is playing or what he is up to. Well, last night, he was never on the site. And now, I am obsessed with knowing where he was. The thoughts running through my head are, "Was he with his W? Did they resolve? Did they break their (MM-claimed) 4-year celibacy? Did the "talk" finally reveal to her his true thoughts and she fell back in love with him?" And I want to kick myself for all of these thoughts. If I am ready to move on, then why am I obsessing about where he is? Why aren't I happy for him possibly resolving with his W? Do these thoughts ever go away? Move on. He has made his decision. I think you know that...deep down. Keep your head up. It does get easier.
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