me and my HS teacher...

[grey1986]

ok, I need peoples honest opinions. I'm almost 21, never been in a relationship my whole life. My story/question revolves/starts around this.. Me and my high school teacher. Intrigued? I need opinions.

 

Since I've been about 15 I've had an enormous infatuaiton on a teacher of mine, as did the rest of the high school I attended. If anyone watches Greys Anatomy, he was my McDreamy, and almost every other girl. I had him for class every year from 10th grade to 12th. Since 2003 till even now, we have talked not just in school but mostly through emails. To make a long story as short as I can, there's never been anything physical, not even close. He's never sent me romantic emails, or gushy emails about our feelings, never. Around the time I turned 18, the dirty emails started, 100% me talking dirty to him. He would egg it on, but he never sent me anything telling me dirty things. He would only respond with short responses, bascially egging it on. Again and again. Night after night. I graduated HS in 2005 at 19, and since then, the dirty talk has esculated into lots of provocative pictures, of me, started off clothed, eventually ended up nudes. For about 5 - 6 months nude pictures were sent, all of me, one of him. About 3 months ago, I finally stopped. I had been trying to stop for about a month, but he literally would beg through emails. And well, I still liked him, a lot. A lot a lot.

 

Now I've known and know how much in love he is with his wife, she is gorgeous, nice, and basically the kind of woman that no matter how much you may like the man, just liking him makes you feel guilty because of her.. she worked at the HS also. They're very much in love, so I know this is nothing like an emotional affair with him and I. Right? Just sexual talk?

 

I've basically been not struggling, but feeling ****ty about my actions. I didn't stop taking and sending the pictures because I wanted to seem all moral and a 'good person,' I stopped because I thought of his wife, and what it would feel like for her, and if I were in her shoes. About 5-6 times a week he still emails me, just saying 'hey,' or 'whats up,' which starts off a string of emails. If anyone uses AOL and knows about instant messaging, it's just like that, emails read and sent back and forth within minutes. Sometimes he hints for more pictures (since I've stopped) sometimes we just talk back and forth sending emails, quoting quotes from our favorite movies and tv shows (we're obsessed with a lot of the same ones). Make sarcastic remarks towards each other, joking around, asking how our weeknds were, and dirty talk (from me)

 

why I've finally after all this time decided to ask in a forum, is because well I'm getting older and my decisions from the past and that I continue to make now, bother me. I'm trying to stop, I'd love to just completely cut off all communication, again. (I tried once before this past June when I moved across the country in a good bye email literally saying i'll be busy with my new life, I hope to see you again or talk to you again oneday in life, baically saying goodbye, dont email me) 2 months later he did, asking me how I was doing out here in my new life. And it's never stopped since.

 

And so I found this forum, and wanted to tell my story and see peoples thoughts. He's married, has a kid, married people look at porn all the time, right? Lots of people do. But, I am his ex student, who while still in school, would flirt with him and hit on him, as he did with me (and as he did with other students also) but I realized this past new years that I have had a crush on him since I was 15, Ill be 21 this April... And it's beyond unhealthy for me. And pathetic.

 

Some nights we even just talk about his wife, and how great she is. It's nothing like he's saying I like you or something like that, so I know it's not an emotional affair. If anything, what I've come to realize or conclude with, it that he's a man, who has needs, sexual needs, and knows I like him, so he basically uses me to get off i.e. dirty talk or pictures, and only really still keeps in contact with me, in the hopes that one day, he will break me again and I'll send him more pictures. Which he has done once or twice after I stopped sending pictures after a month straight.

 

So, does this just sound like a guy finding porn from a friendly source? Just, from someone he knows, who he clearly knows likes him so he cann take advantage of? But a lot of his students like him, so I also wonder how many other girls have done something like this or do. So I don't flatter myself at all, not once. On a scale from 1 -10, I want to know what you think of me and the situation. 10 being dirty pathetic future homewrecker, let me know. I HAVE to know. I cant bring it up with my friends because well, I have good friends, who would probably stop talking to me if I told them the truth.

 

soetimes we still talk about other things, mostly if I have a problem, or a ****ty day and I'll make a joke, he'll joke, talk about our fav TV show. and I just want to know if this is some petty thing that is no big deal, or if him and I are both dirty and bad people.

 

its 1am my time, so if this message doesnt make sense I'm sorry, I just have to get this over with. thanks

[freakygal78]

I guess we are both similar in situation where I DID encourage the MM I worked with but you have to ask what came first the chicken or the egg? Did he flirt with you making you flirt with him or vice versa? Sure MM get off on any kind of female attention if they are that way inclined but as for manipulating you for more nude pix that I would have to say is questionable. Not juding you - you clearly like the guy - and sure we make mistakes and regret the dumb things we have done while at the same time trying hard to stop continuing doing them! Well think of it this way - like a good friend of mine said 'what if he goes home and jacks off thinking about you before his wife gets home? how does that make you feel?' I think as was pointed out to me when I first posted here that imagination goes a long way and they don't necessarily want to start anything physical / emotional with you but will take the 'goodies' (i.e. fringe benefits) if offered. What do you want for you? Don't worry about him so much - after nigh on 6 years ask yourself what you want for you. Is your obsession with him making you unhappy? The emails keep reinforcing your / his attraction and so you have to be firm about no contact if you are serious about getting over this thing.

 

I don't think you're a nasty homewrecker at all. Just a gal misguided by her feelings for a guy who like so many of these cake-eaters take advantage of for their own ego gratification and for that I give them no respite - they have some responsibility there too as a man who is steadfastly loyal to his wife will not budge on this.

[whichwayisup]

He has totally taken advantage of you for his own sexual and selfish purposes. You were young and he KNEW (by experience and wisdom) how to push your buttons to get you to do whatever he wanted...

 

All you can do now is STOP. Delete and block him completely, or start up another instant message name and email account.

 

If he bothers you again, keep ignoring him. Do not threaten him because he DOES have pictures of you, this is what concerns me.....Who knows what he could do...If you get what I'm saying. And, chances are he has and will continue to do this with other female students.

 

You're strong, you're smart and good for you for ending it. Keep posting and don't be too hard on yourself. He was the ADULT, someone in a position of POWER in this situation, he is and was so wrong...But now you know it was wrong.

[lawyer83]

I agree with whichwayisup.

 

They say that maturity comes with age, and that's something you need to think about. Don't blame yourself for the mistakes you made when you were younger. It wasn't your fault. You were young, and he should have known better. Now that you are older, and wiser you have to put your own sense of self-worth first. All I'm saying is that you should put your physical and psychological needs first. You can recover from this obsession if you really work on it. It will be hard at first, but believe me you can recover. I've been there, well, kind of. In college I was totally obsessed with this guy for like a year. Although he didn't have a wife/girlfriend, he wasn't available either. He used me for sex; it was a total friends with benefit situation. As much as it hurt I kept going back for more until one day I decided I'd had enough. I changed my phone number, blocked his email address, and sent him an email letting him know that I was so over it. It was very hard at first, but eventually it got easier. I hope that hearing my story helped you to see that other women have been there, and it's not impossible to move on.