I had the closure discussion... I haven't experienced a sadder moment than this

[princessa]

RECAP: I have posted previously about how I wasn't happy in my relationship because my expectations weren't being met, and how my ex kept pursuing me despite my wanting to break up. I was gonna put this in a private journal but I figured I might as well write it out on LS since it contains the whole story already. Well on the last news I had for LS, I told the ex that if I couldn't be a priority for him then he should just leave me alone and that my mind was set for a break up. He then texted me and emailed me about how he missed me, etc... and then communication broke down. I had then decided that I've had enough of his undecisiveness and that it was time to move on. But I was left angry because we still hadn't talked and I was confused by the positive texts/emails I got from him.....

 

***

 

Well, he finally called me and we decided to meet up. In my other thread most of you were rooting for total NC and I admitted being scared myself of meeting him in case things got out of hand. There was indeed a high risk of this but I'm proud to say that I stood my ground with him. We talked on the phone a few times and saw eachother for the last time today. It's really rare for him to be as honest about his feelings as he was with me these days, and it felt amazing. We both agreed that something needed to change. I expressed to him that I need to be in a relationship, where I can have expectations out of my guy (phone calls and time spent, and to not be ignored in times of stress), and that he'd have to promise me to improve these.

 

His response was that he was really scared and confused by all the fighting and some verbal abuse from my part, and that he didn't want to make any promises with regards to anything because he doesn't like the pressure of having to fulfill people's expectations, seeing as how I get easily frustrated with things. He said that he could see himself do the things I mentioned, but that he didn't want to disappoint me if I had expectations, and didn't want to hurt me with his ways. He said the fights made him lose his motivation in working things out, that too many hurtful things were said and done on both sides, and he didn't know if we can recover. He also says that he doesn't want a relationship alltogether because of all the pressure. He also pulled the friends-for-a-while crap, which I categorically refused. Nevertheless, despite of all of this he said he still loves me.

 

After a lot of crying I said that he had a decision to make and that it is up to him to fix the relationship if he wanted to, but he has to figure out what he really wants. I told him that he has to decide which of the two is a priority for him, his freedom to be careless about most of his actions and whereabouts, or me. To me it's been pretty obvious for a long time which of the two is a priority for him (and it's not me), and I believe that if he's truly honest with himself he will come to the same conclusion and hopefully will be strong enough to stop pursuing me and let me be. However, I'd still welcome him with open arms if he was to promise me to make me a priority. But as much as it hurts I don't think that's realistic. I told him to email me his decision.

 

I'm torn apart for now but at least I got closure. I apologized for the hurtful things that I said to him, and we ended the night on a friendly note. I hope that whichever decision will come out of this will be a thoughtful one.

 

Hope for the best but expect the worst. Man it hurts

[D-Lish]

Hurts like crazy...

Just recently been there- done that.

Ultimately, closure helps, it's better than limbo.

 

You've chosen not to settle, and that is the best decision to make for yourself. There's nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone you love who can't fulfill you. I think that would make you more miserable than leaving them.

 

You have a duty to yourself to demand happiness. Sounds like you're doing that, good for you.

 

It hurts... but you deserve the whole package.

Hopefully he comes around and realizes what he is missing- but if he doesn't- I can tell you're strong enough to deal with that.

 

chin up,

D

[princessa]

Thanks D