Lostsoul17 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I have been married to my wife for about a year now. Currently she is out of the country taking care of her mother for two months. One morning I woke up and in my e-mail was a conversation between my wife and her friend sent by an anonymous person. My wife apparently talked about someone who is still in her life and that she wants to work things out with him. Also, she mentions when she irrives "there" he will have to choose between his current wife and her. Now I am thinking, she lied to me that she is going to go visit her mother. It might be possible that she went to go see this guy. To confirm that this was infact her, I checked her e-mail and sure enough under her sent mail, there were the same e-mails. I am devasted right now. I don't understand why she would cheat on me, I thought we had a happy and healthy relationship. I called her and confronted her about this e-mail. Thus far, she has denied any knowledge of these e-mails. She told me when she gets back, then we will talk. What should I do? Should I go ahead and file for divorce and save myself more pain?
Romeo Must Die Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 This looks like your D-day. It is an affair between two married people, so be prepared for a lot of pain. Be prepared for a lot of lying and emotional manipulation as well, expecially if she didn't get her man. Be prepared for the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech. Many WS (wandering spouses) do not talk with a clear mind. You'll have to trust your instincts at all times, even if you wanted to trust your wife, you would be at a horrible disadvantage if you give her any of your trust at this point. I would insist that she return immediately and explain herself in person, otherwise you are just allowing it to continue at your expense. Do not be a doormat and be prepared to seperate, even temporarily so you can get away from her long enough to think for yourself. I would cover my assets as well and keep them out of her posession. If you have antiques, guns, hobby or collector items, remove them from the house and bring them somewhere for safekeeping while she is still at her 'mothers' house. PS I hope you have kept first and second copies of the email correspondance in case the account is deleted or she denies it. Sometimes they do try to act like it was nothing and destroy the proof.
Author Lostsoul17 Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 Thanks for the advice. For the past couple of days I haven't been eating or sleeping. I do have copies of the e-mail communication. Just can't believe this is happening to me. Anyway, I better start looking for a lawyer.
Guest Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Be prepared for the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech. Many WS (wandering spouses) do not talk with a clear mind. You'll have to trust your instincts at all times, even if you wanted to trust your wife, you would be at a horrible disadvantage if you give her any of your trust at this point. gawd - what man hasn't heard that line - its a classic. hey, its really easy to tell when someone's mind and body is elsewhere - especially if u have connection that is lik radar. all i can say about that stuff is - its out of yer control - all u can do is tell them to DROP THE BOMB AND DECIDE and accept the response. i've actually had to do that three times so obviously i am lacking a tad in the hunky zone - hey, that's life. i'd rather be a great husband and good father than an affair hound - i'm weird
Romeo Must Die Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 That is completely normal. It's just stress and it's only natural that you are shaken. A lawyer is going to consult with you and give you some papers to fill out, but what you need to do is deal with this, with her, face to face. The lawyer isn't going to be able to help you sort out the emotional issues. You can't by-pass those. We have to do that all by ourselves. Sometimes they have cheated for so long it comes naturally to them to lie and deceive you and I just wanted to tell you that so you are prepared for things yet to come. It also doesnt mean this is unresolvable, but you have to be strong and act like you are ready for anything, even if you aren't. My husband had an affair for one year but it took us twice that long to resolve it. Alot of back and forth. A lot of pain and anger and feeling like giving up. It's very confusing and very painful and I feel for you with all my heart. I have been there and know exactly how you feel right at this moment. There will be others here soon who have also been through infidelity and will help answer your questions and talk to you as much as you want or need to. You are not alone, Lost, but here you have the advantage many of us never had and that is lots of support and understanding. Knowledge is the key to understanding and we can help you based on our own personal experiences with infidelity.
Bryanp Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I would certainly be looking at talking to a lawyer and finding out about an annulment. I would think she has been lying to you for the entire time of your marriage.
norajane Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Perhaps you could also check into her cell phone records and find out if there's a number she's been calling a lot. That's also more evidence for your lawyer. I don't see how she can deny knowledge of the emails when you've seen them in her account. Print them all out while you still can. Have you called her mother's house to find out if she's actually there? Can you check her credit cards and see if she's been using it in her mother's city or somewhere else?
LakesideDream Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Luckily for you, you do not have a great deal of time invested in your "relationship". My thoughts run to annullment. It's sad when ****e like this happens, but very common. I hope you find someone who is more forthcoming next time around.
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