guin_girl Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Why is it that men scare themselves so easily? I swear I'm dating Punxsutawney Phil... he popped his head out and now I'm dealing with the cold weather, as in the cold reception now... and I don't think it will be just for 6 weeks. We had a very in depth relationship talk the other night, initiated by him... not me... he's going through a divorce, mediation coming up in a week or so, therefore I'm trying to walk a very fine line... I know it's a hard time for him, and I'm trying to let him take the lead on everything... the contact, the direction of the "relationship" (his wording, not mine) and how he treats me from day to day... as in as a friend or something more. He tells me that he wishes he could have met me at any other time in his life, because of all the stress. But knows that a higher power brought us together for a reason, and maybe this is "our" test to get to something better. (again his words) So I know he does like me, cause it would be so easy for him to tell me to go away. One day he says he just wants a friend and then his actions are completely different and treats me as a gf... and out popped that "r" word. It's just so frustrating, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him... Yea, I could just walk away, but I don't want to... we have so many compatibilities, and both have a great time any time we are together. I'm just venting cause I've never been in this situation before. Any suggestions?
Porn_Guy Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Any suggestions? yes....find someone who's more emotionally available at this time. you don't want to be dating anyone going thru a divorce, they are all messed up in the head. edit: and he'll be messed up for at least another couple years.
amaysngrace Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Honestly I would give him time and space. He's going through so much emotions right now. And he maybe doesn't want to inflict you with all his stress. He's not at the top of his game these days. Which is why he says he wishes he met you at a different time. So he could offer you the best he has to give. I would just wait on him. Maybe send him a card of support to let you know you're there for him and are hoping things go well. But he has a whole lot going on in his life. And he probably feels bad about dragging you through it.
Porn_Guy Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Maybe send him a card of support to let you know you're there for him and are hoping things go well. a fifth of his favourite whiskey may work better at this moment in time
Author guin_girl Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 a fifth of his favourite whiskey may work better at this moment in time It's not that he's not talking to me, it's just his demeanor changes from one day to the next. He calls me daily and we see each other a couple times a month. And the way to his "heart" is Miller Lite
Porn_Guy Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 it's just his demeanor changes from one day to the next. maybe his wife is divorcing him cause he's mentally unstable or something, who knows? you may want to find out.
Author guin_girl Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 maybe his wife is divorcing him cause he's mentally unstable or something, who knows? you may want to find out. LOL... no she's the freak... he was her meal ticket out of bankruptcy... she cashed in and went back home... We were introduced by mutual friends that both of us knew separately for a couple of years... we just never met each other ourselves. Very odd how we circled around each other for the past 10 years and never met... that's why he thinks we met at this time for a reason... he's VERY religious and believes there is a higher power with a plan... we just want to see the "playbook".
Porn_Guy Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 ... he's VERY religious thats a big red flag! but i think you should still talk with his ex-wife.
Author guin_girl Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 thats a big red flag! but i think you should still talk with his ex-wife. being religious is a flag? never heard of that... talking to her is not an option anyway, she moved way out of state... and our friends that knew her couldn't understand why he was with her, they didn't think they were right together. I've done some "research" on a lot and he is very open about the "infamous" letter and every step of the divorce proceeding. He hides nothing from me.
Porn_Guy Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 being religious is a flag? never heard of that... you said VERY religious
Author guin_girl Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 you said VERY religious ok in comparison to me... yea VERY
Arianna72 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I swear I think we are dating the same man Sounds like they both say a lot of the same things as well. Course no divorce with mine.. just a ltr break-up. And the loss of both his parents. I swear I want to be as understanding as I can but it is tough sometimes.
Woggle Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Men have emotions as well and when they are put through the ringer it takes time to heal. If you ask me he should not be dating you while he is going through a divorce and that is nothing against you but a man in that emotional state is not able to give a woman what she needs in a relationship.
Gala Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I have met quite a few guys going through divorces, so I'm getting more familiar with Divorceland than I'd like. I am still noodling on the concept, but suffice it to say that Divorceland is NOT a happy place. It is dark, confusing, depressing, disorienting...full of surreal funhouse mirrors and rollercoasters that will give you whiplash. And it is not hospitable to the development of healthy attachments. But the really messed-up part, for those who would date divorcers (men or women), is that they are emotionally needy. They want support. They want affection and reassurance. And they want to be "over" the fallout. They are very often not good judges of their readiness to be with another person.
justagirliegirl Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 He shouldn't be in a relationship right now as chances are it will just be a rebound relationship. VERY religious? how can that be with divorce and premarital sex?
Author guin_girl Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 Thanks for the advice... he's well aware of his limitations on what he can offer me, and it's good that he doesn't want to use me as a replacement. Yet we both are very attracted to each other, so the longer I can maintain the "friend" level, the better off I will be in protecting myself. He didn't break his commitment that he made before God, she left him. He does have his pride and won't chase her when she doesn't want him, so that's an internal conflict that he's trying to work through. He has the support of his family through this and he's watched his parents divorce and have very happy second marriages, so that gives him hope as well. My family hasn't had a divorce, so the pressure for me to not be the first has kept me single at 40 still. Too much pressure to get the right one
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