chryssy83 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I am in serious need of help deciding what to do on this one, and I don't have much time. My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me before Christmas. After a couple weeks without contact, I called him and left a message on his voicemail. He returned the call, and has called several times since then as well. These conversations typically last about 45 minutes. One day this week, he called and asked for my address. I told him the apartment number, and he wouldn't say why he needed it. Today I received a relatively expensive gift ($150), with a card that just said "Merry Christmas." It was from an online retailer--he didn't write the card himself or include his name. I don't know what I should do. I am sure he expects me to call and say thank you, but I don't want to do that because I'm not sure why he sent this gift. My initial thought was to send a thank you note to his home instead, and let him contact me if he wants to following that note. My roommate, however, says that the gift is inappropriate since we are no longer in a relationship, and that I should ship it back to him with a note that says as much. Need to act fairly quickly on this one...need lots of feedback to help me decide. Thanks for your input! Chrys
amaysngrace Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I think he sent the gift cause he's sad he missed Christmas with you. I would just keep the present and call to thank him.
jerbear Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I'll go the opposite, send it back to him so he can get a refund. Since you two are not in a relationship or even a casual friendship. Send it back. If it is personalized then that gets tricky. If it is jewelry, maybe you can melt the metal down instead.
Author chryssy83 Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 I can just send it back to the store if I wanted him to get a refund. Isn't that horribly rude, though? Sigh....why is he making this so complicated??? How was I supposed to know from this gift and card what the heck he was thinking/how to respond? Either he wants to get back together or he's being a jerk. I want to know how to tell which it is!
paris38 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 He broke up with you because he didn't want to get engaged to you after 3 1/2 YEARS IN A RELATIONSHIP. The only gift you should accept from him is an engagement ring. I'm not kidding! He wants you back without the ultimate commitment you deserve, that's BULLS**T. Send it back to him in an envelope with no note, no explanation, no phone call, nothing....Seriously, he has to know that it takes more than a gift card to get you back, it takes a COMMITMENT.
Author chryssy83 Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 But I didn't want to get engaged right now, Paris.
jerbear Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I can just send it back to the store if I wanted him to get a refund. Isn't that horribly rude, though? Sigh....why is he making this so complicated??? How was I supposed to know from this gift and card what the heck he was thinking/how to respond? Either he wants to get back together or he's being a jerk. I want to know how to tell which it is! Maybe it is not a ring or whatever. I would still suggest sending it back saying "Thank you but no thanks. We're not in a relationship. It is an inapproriate gift, I can not accept" Alot of words but gets to the point for guys. If you can send it back to the store so he gets the refund w/o further actions; then do it. If you get the money to forward to him well that is a pain and send the gift back to him so he can get the refund back himself. So what if it is rude? Some gifts are not to be accepted. i.e. bribes, kickbacks If he wants to get together then he'll say it. 3+ years he should know something about you.
paris38 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 What's the big deal with this guy then, if you WERE WITH HIM FOR 3 1/2 YEARS AND YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE ENGAGED TO HIM? Sounds like you know for sure, deep down, that he's not 'the one.' AND HE broke up with you, so he's not sure about you, either, being his life partner... Sounds like this break up is a good thing for both of you, you just need total NC...for LIFE, there is no point in getting back together, you both need to be free to find the people who will TRULY make you HAPPY with no DOUBTS....there's a lot of doubt going on with both of you and that means....well, if after 3 1/2 years with someone there are doubts.....You should feel so relieved now to get on with your LIFE and know it will be happier when you find the guy who is the right one for you.
orangehose Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Well, he probably missed you. I don't know if he wants to get back together. The thing is, you probably don't want to seem overeager to get back together, because then he'll feel like he has all the power in the relationship and can dump you or get back together at will. It's not a healthy dynamic in the long run.
Author chryssy83 Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 You know, I won't go into all the details. But we talked and I'm keeping the gift. The next relationship I'm in, I'm going to be completely unforgiving in the beginning so that he has to be total perfection in order for things to continue. I'm so pissed off right now.
Zaira Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 You know, I won't go into all the details. But we talked and I'm keeping the gift. The next relationship I'm in, I'm going to be completely unforgiving in the beginning so that he has to be total perfection in order for things to continue. I'm so pissed off right now.I think you should have kept the gift too. In my opinion it would've been rather immature to create a huge fuss with sending it back. One word of advice though... your next relationship - Do NOT base it on the one you've just had. Oh, and paris... OMG why do people have to get engaged because they've been together for a few years? That's a really odd statement.
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