ryan05 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 So I recently separated with my wife (couple weeks ago) and I'm going through the motions dealing with it. Which was going well for the first week and a half but yesterday, our realtor came over to go over about selling the house so I had to go and sit down with him, and my wife. I hadn't seen her since I left and that was tough seeing her. She also wanted to go around the house seeing who gets what and we also went over our separation agreement. And after all that, it suddendly became so real what was happening. It really hit me hard. I was really good about being real positive and strong infront of her, but after I left all of a sudden I lose it. Break out bawling just like that. I had to go for a walk to calm down and go back to where I'm staying and it was not easy getting to bed last night. So with that meeting, I had to give my key to the house to our realtor and this morning my wife shows up at my work with an extra key made for me. And seeing her again was not easy. Especially after last night. I decided that I have to limit my seeing her. When I do, its not cool at all. I was so focused and headstrong before and then all of a sudden boom, I'm not in control of my emotions. And if thats not bad enough. Me and one of my closest friends aren't talking because of something stupid I did at New Years. She doesn't know if she can forgive me, and hasn't talked to me since. I've known her for 6 years and we have not had 1 fight at all. We both trusted eachother with our lives and now, one month before she moves away to the interior, I do something I regret, and I spilled my heart out to her apologizing, and she doesn't know what to do. She's not talking to me right now when I need her most and I feel like crap for doing what I did. I just need to resolve things with her and at least enjoy our last few weeks together while shes here. On top of that, me and one of my other closest friends, got drunk one night and I ended up spending the night at her house and things got a little heated and we ended up fooling around. I woke up the next morning with her in my arms in her bed. I don't know how or why things ended up like that, but they did and if really felt good but she said that it wasn't a good idea to continue this. Obviously it wasn't, and I agree wholeheartedly, but now I've got all these mixed feelings in my head and I have no idea how to handle them. And finally my brother, who has been my biggest rock the past year while dealing with me and my wife and our subsequent divorce is in India for 3 months on business. He left 2 days ago and I can't talk to him or anything until he gets back. I feel so alone right now. I'm trying so hard to be strong and focus but man, its so hard to not lose it right now. I've made a few mistakes that I regret so much but can't do nothing about them now except deal with it. I'm confused and just need to find a huge rock to crawl underneath and chill out for the next while. So thats my story of my steady downward spiral that I just had to get off my chest. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I've been wreckless and not thinking straight. I feel like crap but somehow I have to pull out of this and get back to being focused. thanks for reading and understanding.
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