sweetie8 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 here's some background info first...i have the most awesome group of friends in the world, both male and female. they make me so happy and we have the best time together- between going out or just sitting around someone's apt. drinking champagne and watching sex and the city (sorry i love the show and i relate very well to Carrie ) anyways, i am getting tired of being know as "the single one" all of the time. none of my close friends are married but most of them are in relationships. they always have time for me but when i go home at night i do get lonely honestly, it's not like i can't get a guy. i am not trying to sound conceited (really i am NOT) but i am pretty decent looking and i am a "good catch" as they say. i am 26, tall, blonde, fun, smart, independent, i have a good job, and i live on my own (in an awesome place in ny-right on the beach and close to the city). i meet guys all of the time, but not the RIGHT guys. i've been officially single for a year and i STILL compare everyone to my ex. to me, he was perfect-ok not perfect but i loved him for who he was, and he had one thing that i have not found in any other guy that i have met lately...he got me. He totally understood me, my humor, everything about me. he got along with my friends, we had the most amazing conversations and we did everything together. i know i need to stop thinking about him and just give some new guys a chance but it is really hard for me. i tend to write people off when i find one thing that bothers me. is it too much to ask to find a guy who is sweet, intelligent, and caring?? and is it too much to ask to find a guy who doesn't want to have sex with me within 24 hours of meeting me??? i really hate that. call me crazy, but to me intimacy is special and i need to get to know and trust someone before that happens. i really just want to find that someone who "gets me" again. i am not looking to get married yet, i am just looking for someone to love who loves me back. am i being too picky?!?!? i am right? i have never been one to settle...but will i be single forever if i don't?
orangehose Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Hey Sweetie, Well I'm your age and have only dated one person in my life, so I'm probably not one to be giving advice - but perhaps you should try to figure out what sorts of activities or things that the people who "get" you would do... Would they frequent comedy clubs? Go to Radiohead concerts? I know what you mean about wanting someone who 'gets' you. I've had that feeling of connection with some friends (unfortunately not the ex) and I suspect it's the base of a good relationship. I also understand the sort of "left out" feeling when all your close friends are in relationships... But it's still early in the game (actually, if perusing this website has taught me anything, it's that there's no "late in the game") so hang in there...
phyrespryte Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Well it's kind of hard for someone to "get" you if you don't give them a chance to get to know you better. Sometimes you click with people, most of the time you've got to give them some time to warm up to you. And it's probably a real good idea to stop comparing guys to your ex. Sounds like you've put him up on a pedestal and no one is ever going to match him.
freakygal78 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I can sympathise with you - there are so many wrong guys out there who will pledge their souls to you and then again the really sexy guys who just want to have sex with you (do they really like you for you, or just want to sleep with you?) and then the mr reliable with a good job and home but boring because they don't have a personality of their own or you guessed it - they don't get you. It's so hard to meet someone who you click with or establish a r'ship that will endure - I have been divorced for almost 6 yrs and have only had bfs for a short period of time since....maybe it's just hard to put your all into it after you've been hurt badly or you just become more picky whether that person was perfect as in your case or an a**wad as in mine. You kind of either look for, or avoid a certain type from your past - single life isn't easy. I wish you luck but maybe take up the suggestion of frequenting the haunts of your interest like another poster suggested. Good luck girl!
Island Girl Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 i am pretty decent looking and i am a "good catch" as they say. i am 26, tall, blonde, fun, smart, independent, i have a good job, and i live on my own (in an awesome place in ny-right on the beach and close to the city). Great! It is not conceit to have a healthy self-image and be proud of what you have achieved. It is necessary to have this - it is what keeps you from being a desperate door mat. i meet guys all of the time, but not the RIGHT guys. You are living in one of the toughest cities for dating and relationships. There are soooo many people in NYC (lived there). You meet guys all the time - true - but they meet girls all the time too. It is very easy to write off one girl because they know another is just 3 feet away. You are going to meet a lot more men than most of us. If we meet 10 guys - maybe 2 to 4 are dating material. The men know meeting single women is a bit tougher so they tend to be more serious about dating in general. In your situation, with where you live, you may meet 50 guys and 5 are dating material. Guys in NYC are quick to move on to the next - some girls are like this too, of course. It is just the nature of the beast unfortunately. i've been officially single for a year and i STILL compare everyone to my ex. to me, he was perfect-ok not perfect but i loved him for who he was, and he had one thing that i have not found in any other guy that i have met lately...he got me. He totally understood me, my humor, everything about me. he got along with my friends, we had the most amazing conversations and we did everything together. What happened? Why are you not together? Something was not right in the relationship or not right about him. i know i need to stop thinking about him and just give some new guys a chance but it is really hard for me. i tend to write people off when i find one thing that bothers me. is it too much to ask to find a guy who is sweet, intelligent, and caring?? No - it is not too much to ask. But something that great is worth looking for AND worth waiting for don't you think? and is it too much to ask to find a guy who doesn't want to have sex with me within 24 hours of meeting me??? i really hate that. Sorry sweetie. I don't know what your perception is but it IS too much to ask. If you are attractive, fun, outgoing, etc. -- they all want to sleep with you within the first minute of laying eyes on you. All of them. It is the way they are wired. It is up to you to say "when" and the good ones wait for you to give the green light. in the meantime they are spending time with you, listening to you, getting to know you as are you with them. call me crazy, but to me intimacy is special and i need to get to know and trust someone before that happens. i really just want to find that someone who "gets me" again. i am not looking to get married yet, i am just looking for someone to love who loves me back. am i being too picky?!?!? i am right? i have never been one to settle...but will i be single forever if i don't? You aren't crazy for waiting for true intimacy before physical intimacy. Good for you. There are other guys out there who'll "get you". It just may take some time. You wouldn't be single right now if you reset your expectations BUT you wouldn't be happy either so why do that? So don't settle. Be open to new people. Please try and remember that each one that isn't brings you that much closer to the one that will be. So most of all be patient. You won't be single forever, trust me.
mac007 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 well, it is only fair. whatever you are seeking in a partner, are you projecting the same qualities. do you have a standard that you want in a guy, and you yourself are not meeting that same standard, or are you looking down on them, and saying to yourself, "i had better." ---Help Ever, Hurt Never
jidgey16 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 wow reading your message was like reading my life story!!...i am 25, tall blonde, pretty, and independent with a good job and my own apartment...i have SO much trouble meeting guys and its either guys that are older with a wedding ring on asking to buy me a drink or its scumbags who you know just want to do you... I have been single for a year. Me and my ex broke up a year ago today actually...and i still compare everyone to him...he was an ******* but "got me" just like you said...maybe the reason we can't meet anyone substantial is because we are still too busy comparing everyone?? I also think sometimes guys get intimidated to approach me...im not saying that in a self centered way at all (im not like that) but i am like 6'2 when i go out...i like to wear heels and a lot of my guy friends said that sometimes its hard approaching a girl that is that tall...also sometimes i can come across as a snob with the way i dress and look...i look at it as if you aren't man enough to come talk to me than your not man enough to be with me... good luck with finding someone,..its tough out there...especially after having a relationship where you and the other person connected on a deep level...keep your head and your confidence up...it will happen when you least expect it
MOMMIE Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I know the feeling....there are a lot of guys around here who would love to go out with me, but I just can't get into them...I find myself comparing them with my ex-whatever...to this day I'm still not sure what type of relationship we were in...I think their calling it "friends with benefits"...anyway, it lasted for about 2 years, and I still feel for him...I'm currently on nc....I'm not that hard on the eye either, and I've heard people say that if you're good-looking and don't have a man, then there's obviously something wrong with you....that's a terrible thought isn't it? I was curious to know what happened with your "baby"?? Sounds like you still love him;)
MOMMIE Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 [sIZE=2] [/i][/sIZE]I also think sometimes guys get intimidated to approach me...im not saying that in a self centered way at all (im not like that) but i am like 6'2 when i go out...i like to wear heels and a lot of my guy friends said that sometimes its hard approaching a girl that is that tall...also sometimes i can come acbe with me... ross as a snob with the way i dress and look...i look at it as if you ar I'm so glad to hear you say this....I feel the same way...when I walk into a room, I turn heads...both male and female....I'm 5'9 and I'm attractive...but I never really considered myself the "bomb" or anything, but I really feel that men are intimidated by me...especially the ones my age...so I date older guys...but if I start the conversation, I can never get rid of them.....Being a woman is not easy is it??????
monkey00 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I know the feeling....there are a lot of guys around here who would love to go out with me, but I just can't get into them...I find myself comparing them with my ex-whatever...to this day I'm still not sure what type of relationship we were in...I think their calling it "friends with benefits"...anyway, it lasted for about 2 years, and I still feel for him...I'm currently on nc....I'm not that hard on the eye either, and I've heard people say that if you're good-looking and don't have a man, then there's obviously something wrong with you....that's a terrible thought isn't it? there's nothing wrong with being single. myself and people i know who were in relationships seemed more stressed and unhappy compared to the days they were single. But thats how relationships are, the good, the great, and the ugly. There are plenty of good looking people out there who are single, why should it be a problem if you're on the higher end of the attraction scale? you just have higher standards thats all. You should probably forget about the past and the ex, it ruins things fast. the last thing you want to do when you meet someone is compare them - either mentally or verbally. It doesnt matter if you're comparing them in a good or bad light, you're still setting yourself and especially the other guy for failure. Just remember that no one's perfect, as human we are flawed.
LN99 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I have been single for over a yr now and yes it sucks at times, but other times I'm kinda happy not to have to deal with all the drama. I've had a string of bad relationships in the past. For now, Im busy enough as it is with school, my job, and helping out my mom(she's got cancer). But, it does get lonely. I miss the companionship and the emotional and physical closeness. Most of my friends are married or in relationships....so I know how that goes. You feel left out. But, a few of my friends don't have it all made. My one friend is in a bad marriage. The guy treats her like crap and emotionally abuses her. That alone makes me kinda happy I'm free from all that. I do want to get into a relationship again, but it has to feel right. I don't want to settle for something that I'm not all that into. (I know people who actually do this just to have someone.) Also, I find myself attacted to the wrong guys. Wrong--as in they are someone that It would be difficult in many different ways to date. So, I guess for now, I will remain single and fabulous.
CaliGuy Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I dunno. I am pretty happy with being single. Being WITH someone would be great, but I don't need someone to be happy.
Pyro Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I dunno. I am pretty happy with being single. Being WITH someone would be great, but I don't need someone to be happy. Both sides have their ups and downs. I guess whatever floats your boat.
MOMMIE Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 QUOTE:There are plenty of good looking people out there who are single, why should it be a problem if you're on the higher end of the attraction scale? you just have higher standards thats all. I know there are alot of good looking people who are single; I just so happen to be one of them....and yeah, I totally agree it shouldn't be a problem but it's been my experience that men consider it "strange" when I tell them that I am single, most of them just assume that I'm lying....even my friends say it's ashame that I don't have a man...and as for "higher" standards....I'm not so sure about that....the man that I love looks like a monkey's *ss (no phun intended)....and he's a pain in the *ss to boot!!!...so I'd have to say...what standard???
Okeydokey Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Single is fabulous! Try to enjoy it while it lasts because you have a lifetime of being in relationships ahead of you... I was in a few consecutive serious relationships for the last 8 years and those were fun too. Now I've been single for approx 9 months. It has been great: my friends get lots of attention, my family and pets get lots of attention. I don't worry so much about bf related stuff which sometimes can be really draining. Enjoy the freedom you have now! Travel, do hobbies, get dressed up and flirt. Have fun. Like I said, you will prob. get involved in a serious R again soon (next few years) and you'll miss your single days.
MOMMIE Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 I wouldn't mind being single...I mean I was before I met "him"...it's just being single when I really want to be with "him" that makes it suck....and then, what sucks even more is that I'm not even wanting to be with anyboday else....It would be so easy for me to get up right now, and go out, but I'm just not feeling it yet.. You're right about one thing though, When I first got divorced, I was so happy to be single again....
Recommended Posts