frannie Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I think that Frannie wants people to see that the MM, too, is accountable. But that's an inconvenient pill to swallow if you want to believe that your H was 'in a fog' during the affair and take him back again. Ditto for looking at yourself and your own shortcomings. Much easier to throw all blame, responsibility and everything else at the OW.
pricillia Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Originally Posted by Touche Oh, please...that OW will get hers in the end. Don't have any doubts. The person who you should be focusing on is your HUSBAND. HE'S the one who in the end really let you down. HE took those vows with you, not her. And she didn't hold a gun to his head. I think you're wasting your time trying to figure OW's out. They obviously don't have the same moral code as you or I or they wouldn't have let happen what they do. Things just don't "happen." One LETS them happen. One makes CHOICES. When I was single, I had a few MM interested in me. It was SO out of the question for me. Completely out of the question. I always said the same thing: "Call me when you're single." Why can't these women do that? Who knows? Ok Touche, you are stronger than us weak OW. But at the same time if someone says no to something that they know is wrong they still say yes to something else to something that is wrong... Sometimes even if they do not know that they are doing it. No one is perfect, no one!
Ladyjane14 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 and what about the MM who is he disrespecting????? Again I say why the hell is this all on the other woman??? It's not. But it takes TWO people to commit adultery. Fact is... a MM is fairly hard-pressed to break his vows of fidelity all by himself, isn't he? He needs a bit of help in the doing of it. Personally, I consider a OW or OM to be just as culpable in some ways as the married person who cheats. And even moreso in others. Unless we're talking about serial philanderers, at least the married person has some kind of beef with their partner. The OW or OM is instrumental oftentimes in the destruction of a life and family that she doesn't even have a personal vendetta against. It's a casual destruction, a refusal to acknowlege humanity in their victims.
Ladyjane14 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Why assume that it's the person doing the 'sinning' who is beating up their spouse? There are more ways than one of disrespecting your spouse than having an affair. Like ignoring their needs, shutting them out, going behind their back and getting store cards and claiming it never happened, getting your children to lie to you to suit their agenda. Loving and honouring goes right out of the window way before some people look elsewhere and start 'sinning', believe it. Great arguement... Two wrongs ALWAYS make a right. I think what you want is three rights always make a left.
frannie Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Great arguement... Two wrongs ALWAYS make a right. I think what you want is three rights always make a left. I've never said having an affair was 'right'.
casoria99 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I am not jealous of this woman. Although I do think that she is taking him for granted and I could have done better. We had so much fun doing things. But it is not our time. But when I tell you about how she is, it is to tell you that on the outside, she would appear to be perfect. She is pretty, dressed well, and had a handsome husband. But in reality, she has a very evil inside. She uses the kids to keep him and to hurt him. If she doesn't get her way, then she threatens to poison the kids or will smack him in the face. She is spoiled and feels that he should do all of the chasing. But he wants someoen to chase him. I think that in these moments when she is coming after me or crying and demanding his attention, he needs it. That's what he was seeking in the first place was attention and ego stroking. His wife wasn't doing it. And I think that she still will not do it because as long as she gets her way, then it's fine. I do know him and although he loves being in his 300,000 dollar home, with the kids and in that environment, he still gets tired of always giving and not receiving. Now maybe things are different. But I don't think they are. The only thing different is that it's over between us and now I don't have to be so preoccupied with his screwed up marriage, her, his feelings, or running my fingers through his hair. I do believe that I am destined to meet my true man in time and in a few years of turning all of this passion and attention onto me, I will have him, my own house, and I will do a better job of satisfying my man's ego. I look forward to the man that will have me and receive all of this pent up love. My MM will still be stuck in a marriage that he said has been on the rocks since the 80's and I will be in the throws of my man's arms who will stand on a street corner and yell out at the top of his lungs "I LOVE CASORIA! THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE LOSERS FOR TEACHING HER WHAT LOVE IS, HOW TO LOVE HERSELF, AND TEASING HER BODY SO THAT SHE CAN POUR ALL OF THAT HOT PAIN ON ME!"
frannie Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 It's not. But it takes TWO people to commit adultery. Well yes it does. But it's the married person who is the adulterer.
pricillia Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 It's not. But it takes TWO people to commit adultery. Fact is... a MM is fairly hard-pressed to break his vows of fidelity all by himself, isn't he? He needs a bit of help in the doing of it. Personally, I consider a OW or OM to be just as culpable in some ways as the married person who cheats. And even moreso in others. Unless we're talking about serial philanderers, at least the married person has some kind of beef with their partner. The OW or OM is instrumental oftentimes in the destruction of a life and family that she doesn't even have a personal vendetta against. It's a casual destruction, a refusal to acknowlege humanity in their victims. Yes it takes two people to commit adultry no arugument there. Look bottom line is I would not want to be a BS, but all of us have been in a relationship where we were cheated on, weather it be by a BF or a Husband it happens to all of us, relationships come about sometimes at the wrong time. For what ever reason ( personal for each one of us) we stay in the relationship sometimes it changes and grows and sometimes it ends and we move on to something more fullfilling. But in no way am I trying or have I tried to add to anyones distruction, I acknowledge humanity in many different aspects in my life including the otherside of this whole thing. Being in this situation down right stinks and is not easy as you all think,
casoria99 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 It's not. But it takes TWO people to commit adultery. Fact is... a MM is fairly hard-pressed to break his vows of fidelity all by himself, isn't he? He needs a bit of help in the doing of it. Personally, I consider a OW or OM to be just as culpable in some ways as the married person who cheats. And even moreso in others. Unless we're talking about serial philanderers, at least the married person has some kind of beef with their partner. The OW or OM is instrumental oftentimes in the destruction of a life and family that she doesn't even have a personal vendetta against. It's a casual destruction, a refusal to acknowlege humanity in their victims. a married man breaks his vows even when he jacks off to a girly magazine in the bathroom. and they don't always screw women. I know of married men and I bet it's moreso who sleep with other men. Or worse, little boys. Did you see the DateLine story? In fact it's easier for a MM to date a man because they might both be married or neither man wants to come out of the closet and so they do a better job of protecting their little secret. I think it's more than just being a married man. We all should strive to be better humans and that's for all of us.
frannie Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 My MM will still be stuck in a marriage that he said has been on the rocks since the 80's and I will be in the throws of my man's arms who will stand on a street corner and yell out at the top of his lungs "I LOVE CASORIA! THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE LOSERS FOR TEACHING HER WHAT LOVE IS, HOW TO LOVE HERSELF, AND TEASING HER BODY SO THAT SHE CAN POUR ALL OF THAT HOT PAIN ON ME!" here's to that moment!
Touche Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I've actually never been cheated on pricillia. Also, not sure what your point was in quoting me but I never said that I was perfect. I said we're all broken in some ways. We ALL have our weaknesses. It's just that for most of us I don't think MM are a weakness.
Ladyjane14 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Well yes it does. But it's the married person who is the adulterer. Tell it to your pastor if you have one... and see if it makes a difference.
pricillia Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I've actually never been cheated on pricillia. Also, not sure what your point was in quoting me but I never said that I was perfect. I said we're all broken in some ways. We ALL have our weaknesses. It's just that for most of us I don't think MM are a weakness. I quoted the post because it was implied that in someway OW don't deserve a man that is true to them, that in the past you have turned down numerous MM men who wanted to have relations with you.... Most of us OW have relationships, not just relations so sorry if the MM approached you for a one night stand, heck I would turn that down as well!!!!!
Ladyjane14 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Tell it to your pastor if you have one... and see if it makes a difference. Ooops.. let me amend that. Tell it to your pastor if you can find one who's NOT 'fleecing the flock' so to speak.
casoria99 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Tell it to your pastor if you have one... and see if it makes a difference. Pastors are the biggest MM that cheat that I have ever seen. Just think if she did go to a pastor, very vulnerable and asked about adultery....I am sure he would say that he is very familiar with it. Again, people look and act like they have high morals but have the potential of being the biggest sinners and liars.
frannie Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Tell it to your pastor if you have one... and see if it makes a difference. Oh yes, and we all know about their impeccable morals
frannie Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Pastors are the biggest MM that cheat that I have ever seen. From what I've seen on these boards I would have to agree. Second only to people involved in the medical profession and pilots
Ladyjane14 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Pastors are the biggest MM that cheat that I have ever seen. Just think if she did go to a pastor, very vulnerable and asked about adultery....I am sure he would say that he is very familiar with it. Again, people look and act like they have high morals but have the potential of being the biggest sinners and liars. Yeah, I happened to catch those couple of posts. It's a shame, it really is, that our society is such that we can't trust ANYONE these days. All I'm saying is that NONE of us have to add to the all the hurt out there. We all have choices.
Touche Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I quoted the post because it was implied that in someway OW don't deserve a man that is true to them, that in the past you have turned down numerous MM men who wanted to have relations with you.... Most of us OW have relationships, not just relations so sorry if the MM approached you for a one night stand, heck I would turn that down as well!!!!! Where are you getting all of that? They approached me to go out on a date. Who said anything about a ONS? Also, I'm not sure where you're getting that I said OW don't deserve a man that is true. Who said that? I don't even believe that. Of course they deserve a man who is true. They're just not going to get it with a MM obviously. Please stop twisting what I've said. Go back and carefully re-read what I've written. Nowhere have I said the things you're saying I did.
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Where are you getting all of that? They approached me to go out on a date. Who said anything about a ONS? Also, I'm not sure where you're getting that I said OW don't deserve a man that is true. Who said that? I don't even believe that. Of course they deserve a man who is true. They're just not going to get it with a MM obviously. Please stop twisting what I've said. Go back and carefully re-read what I've written. Nowhere have I said the things you're saying I did. I don't think that anyone should put all OW in the same box... we have Morals, we say no to things what the heck does one think that we just say yes to everything and that we are pushovers. I did go back and read the post and I don't feel any differently, not attacking jus saying that people are judged unfaily when they only hear one side of a story or have an opinion about one thing...
lorr Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Having experienced being in a relationship with a guy as the OW. I have to say that it was the most nerve-wracking experience that I've ever been through. He wasn't a MM, but he was with her for 10 years. I'm going to be straight up and honest and say that we were attracted to each other like mad, and it didn't help that we worked at the same place. We were both going through crap in our relationships and we felt ourselves leaning to each other for support and comfort. I felt myself falling for him big time, and as the relationship was progressing, I was constantly on his back for him to end things with her. Of course he was making excuses that she had mental health problems and was suicidal, and that he would feel guilty if he left. I remember a few months before christmas(a few years ago). That I gave him an ultimatum for him to tell her about the affair. Fast forward to christmas and he decides that he is going to try again with her. I was devastated as I believed that I was in love with this man. I tried to keep my distance but he would phone telling me that he missed me and wanted to see me. It always led to sex, and I have to say that I started feeling cheap. I booked a holiday for a few weeks to get away from him to clear my head, and when I came back I felt that little bit more focused.Of course he knew that I was back and just when I thought that I was over him things hotted up again. Things came to a head and she found out about the affair.At the time I was relieved and happy because I thought that he would now be with me. To cut along story short they broke up, and we ended up being a couple. I believed that it was the start of new things for us, but I was sadly mistaken. I had a hard time trusting him, and in the back of my mind I was worried that he was in contact with her. I never felt comfortable in the relationship and It ended a few years later. The whole point of this story is that everbody suffers at the end. Saying this now, I feel bad for his ex-girlfriend and if I was to see her today I would apologise. He behaved like a coward for not being honest from the start and he should have tried his hardest working things out with her, and I felt very disappointed and a complete total arsehole, for even going down that route. Its a big lesson learnt, and I would never ever do something as selfish like that again, and if a MM or guy in a longterm relationship was to approach me, believe I would give him a swift kick and send him packing. The OW need to realise that their are plenty of available single guys out there, and its not worth getting involved in a triangle of a relationship.It just causes pain and destruction all round.
frannie Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Yeah, I happened to catch those couple of posts. It's a shame, it really is, that our society is such that we can't trust ANYONE these days. All I'm saying is that NONE of us have to add to the all the hurt out there. We all have choices. Ladyjane, no one could really argue with this. It's just you're coming from one angle on affairs, and the people on this board are (for the most part) coming from another one. You see OW as people unnecessarily adding to the hurt in the world, and making a deliberate choice to do that when they could chose another path. I can't really argue with that. But there are other angles to this, other hurts that are involved in affairs, in poor marriages, in the whole situation of people looking to make the best of their lives. No, affairs aren't any kind of answer to anything really, and I personally have never advocated them to anyone - take a look at my posts. I imagine 90% of them are advising against getting involved in an affair or trying to help someone see their way out of one. It just happens that I'm not trying to get out of mine by walking away, but by waiting til he's ready to leave. I know you don't like that, but that's how it is. Hopefully this year and the following years will be the time when my MM finally gets free of a situation that's been suffocating him for years. And yes, I do feel I can comment on that aspect of his marriage, because I can see it with my own eyes. Maybe he 'should' have worked on his marriage more years ago, maybe the communication could have been restored, maybe they could have worked out their differences. When I first met him I tried to help him to do that but he didn't want to. He said it was dead and he was tired of trying. Then he broke things off with me and we didn't really speak for months. We've been through hell several times over in this affair, well mostly I have. I think he's been pretty much dead to emotions for most of it, and I've been too tense and unhappy to enjoy much of what we've shared. I'm hoping that we have a happy future. I'm not blind or indifferent to what his wife might feel or what she'll feel IF he files. But that's not my problem. He's the man I love, he's the one I want to see happy and fulfilled. If that makes me a terrible person, then so be it.
Touche Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I don't think that anyone should put all OW in the same box... we have Morals, we say no to things what the heck does one think that we just say yes to everything and that we are pushovers. I did go back and read the post and I don't feel any differently, not attacking jus saying that people are judged unfaily when they only hear one side of a story or have an opinion about one thing... Ok, that's fine. But I didn't say they have "no" morals I don't think. I believe I just stated that they have "different" morals. No sense in arguing about this. I stand by every single thing I said. Yes, I am judging. I'm sorry that you think I'm unfairly judging. I don't believe that I am. I don't need to hear any other side of anything. Having an affair with a married man is immoral in my book. I don't need to know the reasons or the whys or wherefores.
pricillia Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I am sorry people get cheated on all the time so for one person to think that they have never been cheated on they are fooling themselves into a false reality and they feel that they are above what real people go through.
Freedom Now Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 From what I've seen on these boards I would have to agree. Second only to people involved in the medical profession and pilots Three for three! Work in the medical field and see adultery EVERYWHERE, Involved with MM who is an ordained minister, Approached by a married pilot and subsequently called by that SAME recently separated pilot. Lucky me.
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