SouthernT Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Hey whats up everybody!!! I would like some help with a question that alot of girls want to know the answer to....What do men consider "Bad Vibes" or "Red Flags" when it comes to women?? I mean specifically? I'm not feeling sorry for myself but I do believe that if you continue to go through the same situations over and over again....eventually you need to step back and take a look at your own behavior. so I guess in a sense...thats what I'm trying to do. I have been told by both men and women that I am very intimidating? Any suggestions here guys? What should I do? I am a 27 yr old female..college degree....very attractive (from what I've been told by men and women both...) my spirituality is in place. So why am I still single????
IWalkAlone Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Are you the same person as Behold a lady? If not my answer to her applies here as well: In my observation, women your age who are good catches are generally already "caught," or they either prefer to be single or have other issues. Women who are single, attractive and outgoing get offers from men all the time. (I think the idea that men find some women "intimidating" is a myth, unless you are 6'5" and can bench press 500 pounds). More specifically, if a woman in her late 20s who does not have a husband or boyfriend, it is for one or more of the following reasons. 1) Doesn't WANT a man for whatever reason. 2) Has just left a relationship. 3) Has anger issues toward men that repell them. 4) Obsessively finds faults with any man who epresses interest in her, or has issues that cause her to be attracted only to unavailable or unsuitable men. 5) Is unnapproachable in public. Does not make eye contact, is uncomfortable when men she doesn't know speak to her in public, making them think she unavailable or not interested. 6) Is overweight or does her hair, makeup and clothes in an unfeminine, unflattering way. So my advice would be to: * Look inside yourself for any anger issues relating to men & relationships. * Be outgoing in public and in social situations. * Make eye contact and flirt with guys who appeal to you. Don't be too quick to reject him if he does not conform to your image of the ideal man (but don't ignore big red flags either). * Join a gym and get some clothes or a new hairstyle that flatters you.
Author SouthernT Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 Interesting comments.....You do have a point there. This is the thing though....by this age (27), women have been through so much with men that if we see EVEN the SLIGHTEST similarity to a previously BAD situations that we just left....then we run for the hills. I will admit that I went through a really rough situation and as a result "took myself off the market" per say and havent dated in a year now. So you are exactly right in that sense. I think when a woman has been through negative situations with men, we step back and "re-group" and then jump back in the playing field. But what happens is....we want a man but DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO in a new situation...but all we know is that what we did before... didnt work and now we have our guard up. Am I making any sense?
tanbark813 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Bad Vibes/Red Flags: 1. Any kind of dishonesty, even white lies. 2. Inconsistency (this kind of goes with #1). 3. Dislike of, or a lack of respect for, men in general. 4. Too many guy friends. 5. Party girl behavior; acting like an attention whore. 6. Inability to set healthy boundaries regarding (past) relationships. 7. A history of cheating.
CaliGuy Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Bad Vibes/Red Flags: 1. Any kind of dishonesty, even white lies. 2. Inconsistency (this kind of goes with #1). 3. Dislike of, or a lack of respect for, men in general. 4. Too many guy friends. 5. Party girl behavior; acting like an attention whore. 6. Inability to set healthy boundaries regarding (past) relationships. 7. A history of cheating. +1 I would also add flakey-ness. Constantly changing or breaking plans at the last minute. Huge red flag for me.
tanbark813 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 +1 I would also add flakey-ness. Constantly changing or breaking plans at the last minute. Huge red flag for me. Yeah, definitely. Very annoying.
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I'm not a guy, nor am I a lesbian, but if I were a guy or a lesbian, one thing that would put me off BIG TIME, is a woman who thrives off of drama.
guin_girl Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 4. Too many guy friends. Well Phoo... I guess I know why I'm still single then... I'm a huge sports buff... most all my friends are male and the few female friends I have also have mostly male friends... 5) Is unnapproachable in public. Does not make eye contact, is uncomfortable when men she doesn't know speak to her in public But my male friends did point that I do avoid eye contact with guys I don't know... which then I don't understand how they became my friends... I met them the same way I would meet a potential date...
Author SouthernT Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 I have that same problem. I avoid eye contact. And I'm trying to be "stand-offish" but I'm just shy around people I dont know. But if a guy approaches me then I will talk to him, I'm just not the type to initiate anything with a guy. Now when I do meet a guy, I have a REALLY BAD habit of telling him what I will and won't put up with right off the bat. (Probably about the 3rd or 4 th conversation) Is that a turn off? just dont want to get hurt again. Is this a sign that I'm not ready or I just need to go with the flow in new situations and see how they turn out?
CaliGuy Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I have that same problem. I avoid eye contact. And I'm trying to be "stand-offish" but I'm just shy around people I dont know. But if a guy approaches me then I will talk to him, I'm just not the type to initiate anything with a guy. In some cultures making eye contact is frowned upon. In America, it is THE way to show someone you are interested. Well, eye contact and a smile is inviting. Any time I see a woman I am interested in I will smile and make eye contact. If she returns it, I take it as an invitation to start a conversation. Perhaps if you practiced making eye contact and smiling at guys you are interested in you will by proxy initiate a conversation. Nothing says come talk to me like a warm smile. Now when I do meet a guy, I have a REALLY BAD habit of telling him what I will and won't put up with right off the bat. (Probably about the 3rd or 4 th conversation) Is that a turn off? just dont want to get hurt again. Is this a sign that I'm not ready or I just need to go with the flow in new situations and see how they turn out? Depends on the context in which it is said. That's really called "laying down boundaries" and is healthy. I normally do not lay the boundaries down until the red flags start to show up. ie: She's taking calls from an ex or making plans to see him, being flakey, talking to other guys when we're supposed to be exclusive. Once the boundaries are laid, if they are crossed then come the repercussions. I personally like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt first because laying boundaries down without having a relationship established first could be a huge turn off.
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Are you the same person as Behold a lady? If not my answer to her applies here as well: In my observation, women your age who are good catches are generally already "caught," or they either prefer to be single or have other issues. Women who are single, attractive and outgoing get offers from men all the time. (I think the idea that men find some women "intimidating" is a myth, unless you are 6'5" and can bench press 500 pounds). More specifically, if a woman in her late 20s who does not have a husband or boyfriend, it is for one or more of the following reasons. 1) Doesn't WANT a man for whatever reason. 2) Has just left a relationship. 3) Has anger issues toward men that repell them. 4) Obsessively finds faults with any man who epresses interest in her, or has issues that cause her to be attracted only to unavailable or unsuitable men. 5) Is unnapproachable in public. Does not make eye contact, is uncomfortable when men she doesn't know speak to her in public, making them think she unavailable or not interested. 6) Is overweight or does her hair, makeup and clothes in an unfeminine, unflattering way. So my advice would be to: * Look inside yourself for any anger issues relating to men & relationships. * Be outgoing in public and in social situations. * Make eye contact and flirt with guys who appeal to you. Don't be too quick to reject him if he does not conform to your image of the ideal man (but don't ignore big red flags either). * Join a gym and get some clothes or a new hairstyle that flatters you. I seriously think this is the biggest load of BS I have ever read on LS, and that includes all of Alpha's random comments. I am single, and NOT ONE of these applies to me... or any of my amazing single friends.
ls3360 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I seriously think this is the biggest load of BS I have ever read on LS, and that includes all of Alpha's random comments. I am single, and NOT ONE of these applies to me... or any of my amazing single friends. So is his list wrong? Or is his question wrong? I think he is listing a lot of thing that guys notice and can become impediments for them. I'm not sure I like his statement that suggests that at least one the items on his list _must_ be true if someone isn't hitched. Perhaps you and others could edit his list?
Porn_Guy Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 one bad vibe for me is a girl with the "crazy look" in the eyes...its hard to describe but I know it when I see it.
amaysngrace Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 1) Doesn't WANT a man for whatever reason. Or is just content in her own skin so she doesn't need a man to "complete" her. That has to be one of the dumbest things Renee Zellweger ever said. And she's a little out there.
IWalkAlone Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I seriously think this is the biggest load of BS I have ever read on LS, and that includes all of Alpha's random comments. I am single, and NOT ONE of these applies to me... or any of my amazing single friends. Regarding #1) If a woman doesn't WANT to be in a relationship for whatever reason, there's nothing wrong with that. It's her choice. If she wants to date different men and not be in a serious LTR, that's fine to... But if she can't get a date, or if she wants a relationship and can't establish one, there's got to be a reason. So as for you & your friends... Do you really live in a place where there are no men? Or do you beleive the good ones are all married or gay?
tanbark813 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 That has to be one of the dumbest things Renee Zellweger ever said. Tom Cruise said it.
CaliGuy Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Or is just content in her own skin so she doesn't need a man to "complete" her. That has to be one of the dumbest things Renee Zellweger ever said. And she's a little out there. No one should "complete" you, they should only "compliment" you. Needing someone is co-dependency, IMHO.
Woggle Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Being in her lagte 20s and single means nothing. Myh wife was single until 41 but if a woman constantly talks that I don't need a man stuff and how independent she is a man should just pass on her. These types almost always have some issues with men. I can spot a manhater from a mile away and this is usually one of the signs. I would also check to see if she has any positive men in her life. Does she have a good relationship with her father and does she have male friends? How has she treated the men in prior relationships. If she cheated on a man and sees nothing wrong with it or left a man to go find herself then a man should run. I tend to have a sixth sense about this type of thing and if men really listen to themselves they should have it as well.
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Regarding #1) If a woman doesn't WANT to be in a relationship for whatever reason, there's nothing wrong with that. It's her choice. If she wants to date different men and not be in a serious LTR, that's fine to... But if she can't get a date, or if she wants a relationship and can't establish one, there's got to be a reason. So as for you & your friends... Do you really live in a place where there are no men? Or do you beleive the good ones are all married or gay? You didn't say "if you can't get a date you have XYZ issues," you said if you're SINGLE (i.e., not in a relationship) you have XYZ issues. You have have plenty of dates and still be single. I date all the time, and I DO want a relationship, but like I said, none of those items you listed apply to me.
lonelybird Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 The more list you know, or the more "bad vibes" you know, the more you will find you cannot breath under these definitions of "bad vibes". what is in your heart, what vibes you will give off. what you feed your heart, what will control it. I think today's media mess people's mind up, gave people so many conditions to weigh them down, yet none really touch the real problem. when you really are happy and content inside, you will attract many men into your life, why, people need to be around happy people. so maybe now it is good chance to heal yourself, and find out what will make you genuinly joyful inside. just my two cents.
amaysngrace Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Tom Cruise said it. Yeah he did. My mistake. He's out there too IMO.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 So as for you & your friends... Do you really live in a place where there are no men? Or do you beleive the good ones are all married or gay? There's more to it than just meeting a "good" guy...by the time you're late twenties or older you know what you want and you're less likely to settle for less...you want attraction, intelligence and XYZ...and you're more willing to wait for it...IMO
Porn_Guy Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 ...by the time you're late twenties or older you know what you want and you're less likely to settle for less...you want attraction, intelligence and XYZ...and you're more willing to wait for it...IMO thats total bull-krap GEL....you forget that with each passing year the pool of decent candidates gets smaller and smalller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smalller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smalller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smalller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smalller and smaller and smaller and smaller.... especially for the women cause men died earlier than they do.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Its not bullcrap PG: If a woman wants to be with some random guy in a R, she can...but most women don't want to be with anyone, they want to be with someone...
Porn_Guy Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Its not bullcrap PG: If a woman wants to be with some random guy in a R, she can...but most women don't want to be with anyone, they want to be with someone... look sister, what i'm saying is the older you get the fewer romantic choices you have, ok? so you are forced to "settle". A 30 yr old chick may not have to settle but a 50 yr old one will have to
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