frannie Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Ok, I am new here and still trying to figure out the "correct" way to handle my emotions. I've got to ask on this subject, if it hurts so much to be apart from the person and that same other person is hurting so much because they aren't with you and you have a great relationship together but can't be together because one of you is married to someone else...doesn't this pain mean that the 2 people that are so much in love should be together and the 1 married person should get divorced to be with the person that they can't bear to be apart from? Hello pinkpoodle and welcome... which side of the fence are you on..? The married person or the other person..? The way you put it made me smile... Sometimes it does work out that way quite quickly, but I think only if the married person already had a foot out of the door. Usually it takes a long time to get to that point, even if both people truly love the other. And often, it never happens... Marriage is pretty strong glue, and with many affairs, an affair is all the married person seems to want, or they are prepared to do.
Guest Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Hi Frannie, I'm on the married side of the fence and ashamed of it. I have been looking for true love and had never found it, not with my husband either but I got married because I wanted to be married to a good person. found true love now unfortunately and am willing to leave for it if I know the other person will indeed following through with marrying me and I believe he will since it's all he talks about. I just need to make sure it's not too good to be true first. I'm trying to be sensible and do the right thing right now by working on my marriage and cut off all contact with the other person. It's messed up, I know. I should be hung.
NearlyThere Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Ok, I am new here and still trying to figure out the "correct" way to handle my emotions. I've got to ask on this subject, if it hurts so much to be apart from the person and that same other person is hurting so much because they aren't with you and you have a great relationship together but can't be together because one of you is married to someone else...doesn't this pain mean that the 2 people that are so much in love should be together and the 1 married person should get divorced to be with the person that they can't bear to be apart from? Hello PinkPoodle and welcome to LS. In answer to your question above. Yes you would think that would be the case that love would conquer all and I think did before I came on here, I have just myself within the last couple of days come to the conclusion it does not and it hurts like ****. I think if you read alot of the posting that goes on between the OW and BS, even if we sometimes seem to "lose the plot" with each other, that we all can learn, at least I hope that it goes both way. Nothing is as cut and dried as it may seem things that might seem unique to your own case are no longer and the glue that binds marriage can survive much when push come to shove. WS's who have lost their way sometimes find it again with the BS. The trouble is if you are the OW or the OM you only have the word of the MM or MW to go on, its very difficult to have 100% proof that what you are being told is true, it could be complete Bull or it could be true, IMHO I think it is a mix, sometimes we ALL are told what we would like to hear. On the flip side the MW/MM that might have been telling you the truth cannot follow thru and is easier to stay married for various reasons. The way to handle your emotions, cut your losses and pain and hurt as soon as possible. Sorry if this sounds negative but the reality of a happy outcome for anyone in this position is very rare. People on here have got to the final hurdle and still failed to get to the finishing post. Good luck!!!!
puddleofmud Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 Ok, I am new here and still trying to figure out the "correct" way to handle my emotions. I've got to ask on this subject, if it hurts so much to be apart from the person and that same other person is hurting so much because they aren't with you and you have a great relationship together but can't be together because one of you is married to someone else...doesn't this pain mean that the 2 people that are so much in love should be together and the 1 married person should get divorced to be with the person that they can't bear to be apart from? It could but it doesn't mean that it WILL. Perhaps the "correct" way to handle your emotions would be about what is happening to YOU. What do YOU value and want? It may not be plausible to place/ assert your values and wants into a marriage... What do YOU want and need? As YOUR feelings matter and do not hinge on the values/decisions of others? What is it that you need to feel happy and good about yourself? Best Wishes to you as you deserve what makes you feel great and wonderful and that which brings you a life-time of happiness!
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