withdraw simtons

[scaredinlove]

When breaking a affair did you experience this physical need of the other person that is very strong? You feel almost pain in your body and the desire you to run and be with him/her? The feeling is accompained with a mix of anger and sadness and the inability to accept it is over. You almost feel pain, I been like that since yesterday. I felt it before since we ended,it comes and go and it is very unconfortable. I never longged nobody like that before.Did anybody here experinced that? I guess only time can heal this....

[NoIDidn't]

I am not an expert but you seem to have the symptoms of relationship/person addiction. That's what happens when you no longer get the "fix" of adrenaline cruising through your body each time you hear his voice, touch him in any way, or think of the next time you will get to do either of those things. You may need to talk to a therapist to help get through this. Otherwise, you might just do the self-destructive thing of looking for someone else (or the same previous person) to fill that void, not looking after yourself in the right way.

 

HTH

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad.

[blind_otter]

When breaking a affair did you experience this physical need of the other person that is very strong? You feel almost pain in your body and the desire you to run and be with him/her? The feeling is accompained with a mix of anger and sadness and the inability to accept it is over. You almost feel pain, I been like that since yesterday. I felt it before since we ended,it comes and go and it is very unconfortable. I never longged nobody like that before.Did anybody here experinced that? I guess only time can heal this....

 

Sounds like me trying to quit smoking cigarettes. And just like me quitting cigs, you just have to breathe and suffer through the withdrawal. It will get better over time as long as you don't expose yourself to your drug of choice (the relationship, in this instance)

[scaredinlove]

I thought about looking for a therapist, but i decided to wait a little longer,maybe another month. I am trying to keep myself out of trouble. I almost went running to another man arms but I manage to control. I don't think I should be with anybody until I control this. It is very uncomfortable. Talking helps a little, thanks for listening...

[whichwayisup]

Can I ask why you're putting off therapy? It can only help you! The sooner you go talk to someone, the sooner you can deal with the pain and heartache that you're feeling.

 

Yup, as cliche as it sounds, time does heal all wounds.

 

For your own sanity and peace of mind, don't involve yourself with any man yet. You're not ready, not even close.

[PoshPrincess]

I thought about looking for a therapist, but i decided to wait a little longer,maybe another month. I am trying to keep myself out of trouble. I almost went running to another man arms but I manage to control. I don't think I should be with anybody until I control this. It is very uncomfortable. Talking helps a little, thanks for listening...

 

Scared in Love, it is SO hard and I know exactly how you feel. I split up with my MM in May of last year but the on/off contact went on for months (although only once in person). We finally ended everything in October and shortly after that I met the man who is now my BF. I am extremely happy with him but I have to say I am not completely over MM. Funnily enough, MM and I have just had a long conversation on the phone - friendly banter, nothing serious - but we both know that we still have feelings for each other. However, I love my new BF and I am sure that we can make each other very happy, in fact, I was thinking about things yesterday comparing the two, as you naturally do, and I can honestly say I am not sure that MM would ever have made me truly happy. Yes, I loved him, more than I've ever loved anyone and he was 'the one' without a doubt, but would I ever have trusted him? Would his kids/family ever have accepted me? I think you have to have a very strong R to get through those sort of issues and maybe with me he was just looking for a way out. Who knows?

 

Not sure what I am trying to say here except that it really does get easier with time. I was in bits when we split up, I ached physically, felt sick all the time, couldn't eat, drank and smoked too much and ended up on anti-depressants and in therapy, both of which are still ongoing. It was the worse time of my life and now that I have someone who makes me happy (without that horrible rollercoaster of emotions) I realise that I could NEVER go back there, no matter how much I love him.

 

Lots of luck x

[scaredinlove]

Can I ask why you're putting off therapy? It can only help you! The sooner you go talk to someone, the sooner you can deal with the pain and heartache that you're feeling.

 

Yup, as cliche as it sounds, time does heal all wounds.

 

For your own sanity and peace of mind, don't involve yourself with any man yet. You're not ready, not even close.

 

 

One reason is finances, althought I have insurance I have to pay co-pay.the other is I want to be able to control myself and take care of myself.I don't want take refuge in anything or anybody else.I got invelved with MM because I was in a horrible marriage and he was my refuge from my pains. now he is the source of my pain. I want to be strong, i feel I can do it.If in a month I wont improve than I willlook for professional help.

[scaredinlove]

 

Scared in Love, it is SO hard and I know exactly how you feel. I split up with my MM in May of last year but the on/off contact went on for months (although only once in person). We finally ended everything in October and shortly after that I met the man who is now my BF. I am extremely happy with him but I have to say I am not completely over MM. Funnily enough, MM and I have just had a long conversation on the phone - friendly banter, nothing serious - but we both know that we still have feelings for each other. However, I love my new BF and I am sure that we can make each other very happy, in fact, I was thinking about things yesterday comparing the two, as you naturally do, and I can honestly say I am not sure that MM would ever have made me truly happy. Yes, I loved him, more than I've ever loved anyone and he was 'the one' without a doubt, but would I ever have trusted him? Would his kids/family ever have accepted me? I think you have to have a very strong R to get through those sort of issues and maybe with me he was just looking for a way out. Who knows?

 

Not sure what I am trying to say here except that it really does get easier with time. I was in bits when we split up, I ached physically, felt sick all the time, couldn't eat, drank and smoked too much and ended up on anti-depressants and in therapy, both of which are still ongoing. It was the worse time of my life and now that I have someone who makes me happy (without that horrible rollercoaster of emotions) I realise that I could NEVER go back there, no matter how much I love him.

 

Lots of luck x

 

Posh i am happy for you! I am sure I will be fine in few months itis just that I am still ending this thing. My heart don't seem able to let it go. But it will it is just so dawm hard!!!!!!!!

[whichwayisup]

One reason is finances, althought I have insurance I have to pay co-pay.the other is I want to be able to control myself and take care of myself.I don't want take refuge in anything or anybody else.I got invelved with MM because I was in a horrible marriage and he was my refuge from my pains. now he is the source of my pain. I want to be strong, i feel I can do it.If in a month I wont improve than I willlook for professional help.

 

You can do it.

 

Stay strong and take it all day by day.

[BenThereDunThat]

Just stepping in to echo everyone's replies. It is weird how very much like withdrawal it is. You get addicted to the emails, the sound of the IM, etc. So I'm sure there's something pysiological to it, the adrenaline rush and all that.

 

Just know that it does get better over time. I can completely attest to that.

 

Just stay strong and lean on everyone here whenever you need to!

[Guest]

When breaking a affair did you experience this physical need of the other person that is very strong? You feel almost pain in your body and the desire you to run and be with him/her? The feeling is accompained with a mix of anger and sadness and the inability to accept it is over. You almost feel pain, I been like that since yesterday. I felt it before since we ended,it comes and go and it is very unconfortable. I never longged nobody like that before.Did anybody here experinced that? I guess only time can heal this....

 

Yes, I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling him inside of me yet not feeling him inside of me ....I would clutch my womanhood and feel as if aone of my limbs were missing .... or being amputated at that exact moment....this was not a mental condtion but a very real physical and searing pain ...comparable only to giving birth ..I could virtyally feel the dismemberment ...It's been five years since then and if I choose to recollect, i still shudder at the experience ....you are not alone.....it is about loss...the undeniable finality of it all....

[Meaplus3]

When breaking a affair did you experience this physical need of the other person that is very strong? You feel almost pain in your body and the desire you to run and be with him/her? The feeling is accompained with a mix of anger and sadness and the inability to accept it is over. You almost feel pain, I been like that since yesterday. I felt it before since we ended,it comes and go and it is very unconfortable. I never longged nobody like that before.Did anybody here experinced that? I guess only time can heal this....

 

Emotional but not physical. Hang in there, it will get better.

[puddleofmud]

Respectfully, I disagree that loss is merely emotional nor of addiction and even more so that emotional loss does not cause physical pain or physical remembrance and, thus, physical longing.

When one has a deep emotional connection within an intimate physical connection the body responds to that "chemistry" within the brain and body.

When one recalls this via emotion or vice versa (via the physical) the body does respond via this familiar chemistry (and there may be little one could do to control this).

This may have nothing to do with SEX via the physical bond with a lost parent, friend or child. One may "remember" the smell of their body, something they cooked, the color of their clothing, the sound of their voice, etc. and have an emotional response.

Or one may be reminded physically of the one they love via some cue and have an acute emotional response.

When sex is involved this may become more acute and accurate and literally physically painful, thus the acute realistic withdrawal.

Why should someone NOT feel the loss of the physical intimacy along with the emotional?

Unless one has an physically addictive personality--the loss of any physical tie via all responses regarding HEART and HEAD is NORMAL.

Factually, persons who are sexually addicted DO NOT WITH DRAW--they just seek the next immediate gratification in order to avoid withdrawal.

Loss is physically painful within own's body and I doubt any one would say it is not!

Emotional pain HURTS the body or we would not have physical responses: crying, sick at the tummy, getting the poos, exhaustion, etc.

This is why I am just not ever willing to tell someone to "just get over it".

When someone died, lied, betrayed, left, manipulates, went South, pulled a "50 ways to loose your lover", etc. that HURTS.

All over, everywhere and every place in between...

[freakygal78]

yes when i left my job or rather was forced to leave, I blocked out any painful feelings about not being able to see MM ever again by drinking daily, chain-smoking, I was already on antidepressants and of course until I stopped being in denial about not being over him and allowed myself to own those feelings, the tears came incidentally I was listening to his favourite music but it was then I realised I was blocking it out because the pain of not seeing him again was there in my heart - maybe faded a little because he wasn't there as a stimulus everyday and me leaving was so abrupt that I never really got to say goodbye to him in person only via email. It made me hurt to think I'd never see him again. I must say at this point I have a new BF I met at my old work living with me for about 4 months now so you can imagine my confusion when I am an apparently functional r'ship now and still have these ugly remnants of longing for someone who prolly didn't care for me much at all except as an ego boost. It hurts. It is not easy. It lessens in time. I have to stop myself hoping that I will see him in my lunchbreak in the street as I only work one block up from my old workplace - it borders on pathetic but such is the strength of human longing. Withdrawal from an adored one can feel like a physical pain in the centre of your chest - I know I have felt it many times whilst sobbing - it's so real. I have recently quit drinking daily (only socially now), quit smoking (hard but baby steps are good) and gone off my anti-depressants (dizziness sux!) all at the same time! I am walking most mornings and reading inspirational and positive stuff to keep me on the right track - find your own happiness in the face of despair - it really is the only answer and the only way to find and build on your strength which this insidious situation most often buries.

[ratingsguy]

There's definately physical pain when it comes to love. After I would see my MW (when she was a MW... she's separated now and we're legitimately together), lots of times it would hurt that she had to leave... so badly that the pain would make me cry. I'd get headaches, feel dizzy... I'd be a mess. Two years prior to getting involved with her, I had just gotten out of a year long R with my xGF. She broke up with me... and that HURT. I was out of commission for at least 3 months. I lost about 15 lbs in the process.

 

So the physical pain is definately there. I guess we can say that it's the result of the emotional pain, which nobody will deny is there.

[puddleofmud]

Aaaw, your post made me tear up (seems I am doing a lot of that right now, but rightfully so!)

So glad to hear that you have moved forward and so sad to know that you still feel the pain. And bless you for being so very HONEST about this!

I doubt that I could date someone at this point and still not feel that pain, but I do allow myself the right to know that this is not a downfall, but a process.

I don't know what I would do if I saw my ex--maybe slink away like a zombie going back to the grave or put both my hands on my hips and let him know what I think of him? or just act as if he weren't there?

I just don't know! And most wouldn't nor would/ should judge you in any way shape or form.

I applaud your courage! A lot of women would have just layed down and died but you haven't so keep up the good work!!!

Hugs!

[luvlove]

You all know I'm still very new here and lurking a lot. Wanted to mention that when my H died, the pain from it seemed as much physical as emotional. But, what I did wrong was refuse to go through it. I met ex BF 4 months after H died. I wasn't working, he was out of work with a broken arm; we spent everyday together just as H and I had. He would listen to me talk about H for hours. The pain became non-existent. Now, with BF gone, and MM not available, I just told my son today that I'm starting to grieve H. H died 4 years ago. I could have been over this by now had I gone to some of the grief shops that were offered to me.

 

Another thing is the addiction. I have such an addiction for MM that sometimes I would play his ringtone on my cell just to hear the sweet sound of him calling me. When he would leave a voicemail, I would listen to it over and over, even if it just said "I'll call you later". It definitely becomes a sickness, like someone mentioned the cigarettes.

 

A few nights ago, and at the recommendation of a response to my post, I asked MM a "hard" question. He was still pretty vague at first, but after probing him, he told me that he was torn between 2 lovers. I took this as I said before, or someone said to me on this site, I am what he looks forward to when times are rough with the W. (I did exactly this to BF when I got re-acquainted with MM. But finally explained it all to BF, so that he could save himself.) After crying all night, I changed MMs ringtone. Later when listening to some voice messages, I came across a message he left me on New Years. It hit me like a ton of bricks to hear his voice. I am now trying to lay low, I have not shut him off, but is trying to test my pain to see if I think I can make it. I know that the best thing to do is to leave him to love his W. It's only been a few days. I have talked to him since, but have been able to deny him access to the fun stuff with me.

 

I'm back in my hometown after being gone for over 30 years, don't have many people that I can confide in. My suggestion is, if you have access to true friends, take advantage of what they are there for, and start healing. Best of luck.

[scaredinlove]

There's definately physical pain when it comes to love. After I would see my MW (when she was a MW... she's separated now and we're legitimately together), lots of times it would hurt that she had to leave... so badly that the pain would make me cry. I'd get headaches, feel dizzy... I'd be a mess. Two years prior to getting involved with her, I had just gotten out of a year long R with my xGF. She broke up with me... and that HURT. I was out of commission for at least 3 months. I lost about 15 lbs in the process.

 

So the physical pain is definately there. I guess we can say that it's the result of the emotional pain, which nobody will deny is there.

 

I lost 13 pounds too, I manage to put 3 back but the other than are gone forever I guess, I was slim now I am a little too much. But although I had other boyfriends before I never felt anything like that.I guess I never being deeply involved with anybody like that , not even my husband.

[scaredinlove]

You all know I'm still very new here and lurking a lot. Wanted to mention that when my H died, the pain from it seemed as much physical as emotional. But, what I did wrong was refuse to go through it. I met ex BF 4 months after H died. I wasn't working, he was out of work with a broken arm; we spent everyday together just as H and I had. He would listen to me talk about H for hours. The pain became non-existent. Now, with BF gone, and MM not available, I just told my son today that I'm starting to grieve H. H died 4 years ago. I could have been over this by now had I gone to some of the grief shops that were offered to me.

 

Another thing is the addiction. I have such an addiction for MM that sometimes I would play his ringtone on my cell just to hear the sweet sound of him calling me. When he would leave a voicemail, I would listen to it over and over, even if it just said "I'll call you later". It definitely becomes a sickness, like someone mentioned the cigarettes.

 

A few nights ago, and at the recommendation of a response to my post, I asked MM a "hard" question. He was still pretty vague at first, but after probing him, he told me that he was torn between 2 lovers. I took this as I said before, or someone said to me on this site, I am what he looks forward to when times are rough with the W. (I did exactly this to BF when I got re-acquainted with MM. But finally explained it all to BF, so that he could save himself.) After crying all night, I changed MMs ringtone. Later when listening to some voice messages, I came across a message he left me on New Years. It hit me like a ton of bricks to hear his voice. I am now trying to lay low, I have not shut him off, but is trying to test my pain to see if I think I can make it. I know that the best thing to do is to leave him to love his W. It's only been a few days. I have talked to him since, but have been able to deny him access to the fun stuff with me.

 

I'm back in my hometown after being gone for over 30 years, don't have many people that I can confide in. My suggestion is, if you have access to true friends, take advantage of what they are there for, and start healing. Best of luck.

 

IK have friends to support me but they don't understand what I am going to they never being in this tipe of situation. A Affair is a vry strong connection. I am luck for this site, you all have helped a lot thru this crazyness.

[scaredinlove]

Aaaw, your post made me tear up (seems I am doing a lot of that right now, but rightfully so!)

So glad to hear that you have moved forward and so sad to know that you still feel the pain. And bless you for being so very HONEST about this!

I doubt that I could date someone at this point and still not feel that pain, but I do allow myself the right to know that this is not a downfall, but a process.

I don't know what I would do if I saw my ex--maybe slink away like a zombie going back to the grave or put both my hands on my hips and let him know what I think of him? or just act as if he weren't there?

I just don't know! And most wouldn't nor would/ should judge you in any way shape or form.

I applaud your courage! A lot of women would have just layed down and died but you haven't so keep up the good work!!!

Hugs!

 

I wish I could be angry with him but the anger have left me. Now I have this physical thing. But writting about it and reading all the posts are helping me a lot. I feel better now. But I now it will come back it come and goes like waves. I cried a lot at first ,I was very depressed for a while, than I was very angry.Now it is my body, I never imagine it would be sooooo difficult. I have also a big fear that he will call me and drag me back .I always afrain that he will call me and I will run back like a dummy.That is my new thing fear that I won't resist. But I keep telling myself if I go for it I will have to go thru the pain again.

[puddleofmud]

Hey Scared AND Luv:

 

Luv, welcome to the forum and please accept my heart-felt sympathy regarding the loss of your husband (maybe that happened a while ago, but it should not go with out saying!) and welcome to the forum.

Scared you are fine with me and whatever you need to say!

I agree that the physical pain is horrendous and I am glad to see someone bring this facet of loss into the forum.

I am so scared of letting anyone touch me and I have NEVER been like this! I am soooo touchy--feely it's just disgusting! I hug everybody. And I am very passionate and I really like SEX....I don't want some of the sex I want ALL OF THE SEX. I am just very very sexually greedy (don't get me wrong--I have gone without for a year or so, and didn't feel without).

Now I am like a ghost that just lurks around "the" human beings. I don't like them much unless they are children. Now, when my grandbabies love on me or crawl up in my bed I have to "act normal" because their affections makes me sob!

When I am touched I start crying and I am not a crier! I am a tuff little thang!!! Or was....

It is as if my entire body just hurts so much...and I rarely think of HIM, but I guess my physical self must be thinking of him or the LOSS of what it depended or my mind is focusing on the betrayal and that has become physical.

I don't know but I know that I DO hurt and I need to let my body heal as well as my heart. And I am certain I will get over it--but that's not going to happen TODAY, maybe tomorrow! Maybe next Thursday.

Never the less, the pain is real and it is excruciating at times. It just crushes and there is no immediate relief and that which kills you will NOT make one stronger when one is in that much pain! It just HURTS and sometimes the body has a "mind of its own".

All I know is that I can survive and at some point I won't weep inappropriately nor will I be without some of the sex!

[scaredinlove]

Hey Scared AND Luv:

 

Luv, welcome to the forum and please accept my heart-felt sympathy regarding the loss of your husband (maybe that happened a while ago, but it should not go with out saying!) and welcome to the forum.

Scared you are fine with me and whatever you need to say!

I agree that the physical pain is horrendous and I am glad to see someone bring this facet of loss into the forum.

I am so scared of letting anyone touch me and I have NEVER been like this! I am soooo touchy--feely it's just disgusting! I hug everybody. And I am very passionate and I really like SEX....I don't want some of the sex I want ALL OF THE SEX. I am just very very sexually greedy (don't get me wrong--I have gone without for a year or so, and didn't feel without).

Now I am like a ghost that just lurks around "the" human beings. I don't like them much unless they are children. Now, when my grandbabies love on me or crawl up in my bed I have to "act normal" because their affections makes me sob!

When I am touched I start crying and I am not a crier! I am a tuff little thang!!! Or was....

It is as if my entire body just hurts so much...and I rarely think of HIM, but I guess my physical self must be thinking of him or the LOSS of what it depended or my mind is focusing on the betrayal and that has become physical.

I don't know but I know that I DO hurt and I need to let my body heal as well as my heart. And I am certain I will get over it--but that's not going to happen TODAY, maybe tomorrow! Maybe next Thursday.

Never the less, the pain is real and it is excruciating at times. It just crushes and there is no immediate relief and that which kills you will NOT make one stronger when one is in that much pain! It just HURTS and sometimes the body has a "mind of its own".

All I know is that I can survive and at some point I won't weep inappropriately nor will I be without some of the sex!

 

Hang in there we all gonna be fine.

[frannie]

Hang in there we all gonna be fine.

 

This should be the subtitle of the forum

[PoshPrincess]

Just when I start feeling better my ex-MM pops up in one of my dreams! Then the physical pain starts all over again. I have managed to not contact him for a week now but even being happy with my new BF doesn't stop me thinking about MM on a daily (hourly even?) basis.

 

How do we stop dreaming about them? Last night was the first night for ages that I haven't!!!! Think I shall start a new thread on dreams......

[pinkpoodle]

Ok, I am new here and still trying to figure out the "correct" way to handle my emotions. I've got to ask on this subject, if it hurts so much to be apart from the person and that same other person is hurting so much because they aren't with you and you have a great relationship together but can't be together because one of you is married to someone else...doesn't this pain mean that the 2 people that are so much in love should be together and the 1 married person should get divorced to be with the person that they can't bear to be apart from?