behold_a_lady Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Before I get into my "problem" I'd like to say Hi to everyone in this group :-) OK....here we go...... Problem: I consider myself a good..no a great catch for a man. I'm independent, nurturing and affectionate, a great cook, creative, sensitive, faithful....etc. I'd hope meet someone who'd match my qualities But all the type of men I've been getting involved with are the opposite of what I like in a man. So I've been single for almost a yr and sexless for the same amount of time. So while everyone else has B.F.'s, S.O.'s, fiancees, and Husbands I'm still waiting in the wings for a decent and worthy man...... (I hope i'm not coming across desparate, but i'm not liking being single) Is there anyone who can offer sound advice?
ls3360 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Hi. welcome :-) Would you like to paint a more detailed picture? If so,... Roughly how old are you? Do you live in a big city? So you have been dating, but just not finding the right kind of guy? How many guys? How do they differ from the right kind of guy? Where/how are you crossing paths with potential dates? J.
phyrespryte Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Maybe you're just not looking in the right places? Or maybe you're just sending off negative vibes?
Author behold_a_lady Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 Hi. welcome :-) Would you like to paint a more detailed picture? If so,... Roughly how old are you? Do you live in a big city? I'm 24 almost 25, I live in semi well-populated city, but it's not like the Chi. or New York. So long answer short....No. So you have been dating, but just not finding the right kind of guy? I haven't been "actively dating" as far as going out just to score a man. Where/how are you crossing paths with potential dates? I'm not, thats the other problem J. The kind of man I'd like to date would have similar qualities as me... -intellegent -caring - independent -funny - great cook - creative - employed - creative
Curmudgeon Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Well, DANG! You just described me but for one little hitch. I''m married to the love of my life who, prior to our getting together, likely shared the same problem you seem to be dealing with. It kept her single, unattached and distrustful for 18 years after she divorced her ex. Oh, yeah! And I'm WAY too old for you. Either that or you're WAY too young for me. It sounds as if your man-picker needs an oil change, lube job and tune-up. Start thinking about the commonalities in the men you've dated in the past as well as the circumstance under which you met them. Clearly, neither have been conducive to establishing a loving, supportive relationship. Once you determine those common traits you'll know what to avoid in the future. Just as there are wonderful women out there, there are great men as well. You're only 24. Don't push yourself or have unrealistic expectations of relationship bliss. It can take time and experience. Don't tell anyone but it took me 50 years to finally get it right. Shhhh! Our secret, OK?
2sunny Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Well, DANG! You just described me but for one little hitch. I''m married to the love of my life who, prior to our getting together, likely shared the same problem you seem to be dealing with. It kept her single, unattached and distrustful for 18 years after she divorced her ex. Oh, yeah! And I'm WAY too old for you. Either that or you're WAY too young for me. It sounds as if your man-picker needs an oil change, lube job and tune-up. Start thinking about the commonalities in the men you've dated in the past as well as the circumstance under which you met them. Clearly, neither have been conducive to establishing a loving, supportive relationship. Once you determine those common traits you'll know what to avoid in the future. Just as there are wonderful women out there, there are great men as well. You're only 24. Don't push yourself or have unrealistic expectations of relationship bliss. It can take time and experience. Don't tell anyone but it took me 50 years to finally get it right. Shhhh! Our secret, OK? you are cracking me up C=Lion! anyone who has been here for a short while - loves you - and you know it... you are a great man! XO
Curmudgeon Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Smooches back, Sweetie! If I was 10 years younger and single... Wait a minute! When I was 10 years younger I WAS single. What happened?!?!
ls3360 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 The kind of man I'd like to date would have similar qualities as me... -intellegent -caring - independent -funny - great cook - creative - employed - creative Hmmm... there must be plenty of such men in your town. (Some of them might be asking the same question you're asking :-)) I'm curious what people here have to suggest to help you cross paths with them. I'll at least take a stab at it... Are there institutes of higher learning? Graduate schools? Large high tech research centers? Large multi-national businesses? If so where might your type of 25yo male employees go? They probably spend a lot of time at work, but beyond that... ballroom/swing/nightclub dancing? health/swim clubs? playing hockey? hiking/climing/investment clubs? community theatre/schools/redcross volunteering? church/fellowship? language/business/music classes? Rather than look for them, you could also try to bring them to you. You sound like you have some Martha Stewart in you so I'll brainstorm along those lines:With some girl friends offer a series of "beyond one pot meals" cooking classes marketed "just for guys" in the business portion of town.Or run a local professional-singles match-making service since there must be others in the same boat as you.You could also organize a singles events to the type of people that you yourself would be intererested in. (I just had a gal friend of mine do an awesome job at this in my area and now is dating three guys with the attributes you describe.) :-)I also know of a gal near here that started at your age running bimonthly swing dance socials/mixers. She did it for fun on the side, did it well, was very successful, and ended up meeting many guys there including her future husband.Or maybe these are not options for you. Anyway, I'm curious what other ideas people have. :-) J
jusified Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Hi, I think I'm all that and more. But I guess I have the same questions for girls as they all seem to pass great guys, Its a two side thing. You know, 1 year is long but not that long. Be happy with who you are and wait for the right person or go find the right person for you, don't settle for less because when you do find that person it will be good. Good luck
Walk Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 The kind of man I'd like to date would have similar qualities as me... -intellegent -caring - independent -funny - great cook - creative - employed - creative Some of those qualities are kind of ...well, they don't fit together. Creative and employed. That's kind of an oxymoron. Like, what do you call a musician without a gf? homeless.. hahaha j/kidding. I meet people in weird places, and all over. But I find I have to initiate conversation if I want people to respond. Strike up conversations while waiting in lines at places you enjoy. How do you gauge if someone has these qualities? How long do you date them before you decide they don't fit the criteria? What kind of "creative" are you looking for? How do you discover if someone possess these qualities if you never talk to them long enough to get to know them? It's not as if people wear lists of qualifications on their sleeves these days. And in my experience, the creative people are the hardest to get to know. They're reclusive, inwardly turned, usually socially inept to some degree. You want creative; go to art classes, music stores, poetry readings, audition for plays, go to local events featuring non-mainstream music. Talk to everyone. The more people you know, the easier it is to find the person who will fit the criteria you are looking for. They'll introduce you to their friends, and those friends will introduce you to other people. Network basically. It's not too hard if you go into it with the right mindset. The point is to learn about people, to have fun, and to expand your creativity. I never find someone I click with when I'm actively searching. When I go with the mindset of having fun and meeting new people, that's when I find someone who matches what I want and need in my life.
Curmudgeon Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I never find someone I click with when I'm actively searching. When I go with the mindset of having fun and meeting new people, that's when I find someone who matches what I want and need in my life. BINGO! In my experience, love comes best when you're least expecting or looking for it. In what I believe to be a perfect situation it simply happens, takes you by complete surprise and also takes your breath away.
Yamaha Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I would ask you, "why do you think your not meeting the right type of guys for you?" Sometimes when we think we are such a great catch we have a superior attitude of ourselves and very few people meet our expections. Are you approachable to people or do you size them up and then give them the cold shoulder if they are not to your liking? You must be open and sometimes date a lot of frogs to find the guy that can meet your requirements. Good Luck
IWalkAlone Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Behold: Funny, I could have written your post, except that I'm a guy. I also fit all of your criteria except that I'm not confident as a chef. In my observation, women your age who are good catches are generally already "caught," or they either prefer to be single or have other issues. Women who are single, attractive and outgoing get offers from men all the time More specifically, if a woman in her late 20s who does not have a husband or boyfriend, it is for one or more of the following reasons. 1) Doesn't WANT a man for whatever reason. 2) Has just left a relationship. 3) Has anger issues toward men that repell them. 4) Obsessively finds faults with any man who epresses interest in her, or has issues that cause her to be attracted only to unavailable or unsuitable men. 5) Is unnapproachable in public. Does not make eye contact, is uncomfortable when men she doesn't know speak to her in public, making them think she unavailable or not interested. 6) Is overweight or does her hair, makeup and clothes in an unfeminine, unflattering way. So my advice would be to: * Look inside yourself for any anger issues relating to men & relationships. * Be outgoing in public and in social situations. * Make eye contact and flirt with guys who appeal to you. Don't be too quick to reject him if he does not conform to your image of the ideal man (but don't ignore big red flags either). * Join a gym and get some clothes or a new hairstyle that flatters you.
sweetie8 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 i know exactly how u feel!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been single for year as well. i have been dating...but not the right guys. i need to know where to find nice guys too!
CaliGuy Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 i know exactly how u feel!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been single for year as well. i have been dating...but not the right guys. i need to know where to find nice guys too! You don't want a "nice" guy, you want a good, balanced guy. Maybe that is your problem? Nice guy = door mat.
Author behold_a_lady Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 Behold: 5) Is unnapproachable in public. Does not make eye contact, is uncomfortable when men she doesn't know speak to her in public, making them think she unavailable or not interested. BINGO!!! I left that info out, ooops:p ....I'm shy and quiet. IWALKALONE your advice was very good, thank you.
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