Giver Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Well it's been 5 weeks of NC as of today (unless you count the lame ass txt my ex sent me on new years which I deleted straight away). It's been hard and sad but I am finally at the point where I know I don't want to be with him anymore, I haven't looked at his myspace for 4 weeks which is a big thing for me. I was working in my studio yesterday when I found some hand drawn stickers peeling off the wall outside my window (3 stories up). They were for "Melissa and Benjamin" comics -- the comic that my ex and his new gf made together -- and had a picture of them above a love heart. I let my ex use my studio a few months ago while I was overseas so this means that he either took her up there (when things were still really raw and unresolved between us) or worse yet he put them there himself. I was so upset, this was beyond disrespect for me and the gesture of letting him use my studio, this was just cruel. I'm so mad about it and really dissappointed that he is really not the person that I thought he was. We're in NC so that we will be able to be friends but after this I really don't think I want to. I have drafted an email to send him letting him know that I found the stickers and am really dissappointed and this kind of disrespect is unacceptable. I feel as if I have been stepped on and need to defend myself but at the same time I don't want to break NC. I don't think that it's fair to let him off the hook. I want him to know that if his really serious about us being friends then he needs to get his act together!
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 The transition from lovers to friends isn't possible while baggage and unresolve is involved. I think you have to get angry and almost become enemies first before a friendship is possible. That's always been my experience. What you found in your studio must have really pissed you off! I think I would have sent the e-mail instead of leaving in the drafts folder. I admire your restraint. It's good that you took the opportunity to cool off before sending something you could possibly regret. I don't think he should get away with this. I'm not concerned about you going off on him as much as I am concerned how you may feel about having to contact him to do so. Everytime I contacted my ex after we broke up, I felt weak for doing so afterward. Even anger still shows you care. That was really disrespectful of him. What was he thinking? Does he have no idea of how his actions affect the people around him? I think you have to let him know what an ass-ripping move that was on his part. Otherwise, you're going to stew about what he did. That's just plain crappy to do. I remember when my husband and I were seperating and still living together, I came home from a weekend away and there were 2 wine glasses, one with lip stick on the rim still on the dining room table. turns out he had a date over while I was away for the night, and couldn't even be bothered to clean the glasses before I came home! I was livid. Somehow, the lip stick stained glass ended up in tiny smashed pieces... hmm, can't recall how that happened! lol. I wouldn't keep your discovery to yourself. He doesn't deserve to get away with such a slap in the face action. D
Author Giver Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 Thanks D-Lish My ex started seeing someone while we were still living together too. Except I didn't find out by lipstick on a glass, it was a hickey on his neck, real classy eh? One of the many disrespectful things that he has done since we broke up. He can be fairly absent minded but you're right, I shouldn't let this slide. He needs to know from me that this is totally unacceptable behaviour. Even my mum told me to go ape at him (and that says alot). It's not fair for me to keep this bottled up. I'm going to re-write the letter and keep it as calm as possible, I'm just more sad and dissappointed than angry now. I really thought he was a better person than this.
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I'd rip him a new one if I were you! That's just plain disrespectful of him. When we love someone, we tend to idealize who they are. So when they disappoint, it hits hard. Yeah, he needs to know from you what an ass he is. I think you'll feel better too for telling him so.
RocketMan Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 If he thinks that its acceptable to do it in the first place, you'll probably find that he wont respond genuinly sympatheticly to any complaints you make to him. Whilst im sure it really annoys/upset you, just think to yourself. Why do you care? Getting yourself into a rage won't help anyone. I find its best to get mad once, get really mad and scream as loud as you can into a pillow. Take a baseball bat to a tree or something lol. Get it out of your system, bottling up anger isnt good for you. Once youve done that, its time to move on. I was pissed off at my ex for a time (for similar inconsiderations) but then i realised, why do I care? If they are that kind of person, then why do i miss them? Why are you bothered what they do, in their own little selfish world? Ask yourself these questions I still feel like its a shame that my ex behaved the way they did. But thats all. Its tough, but just take a step back and imagine youre someone else looking at you. What does the situation look like? Dont let someone whos out of your life still control it Good Luck
ultimon Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Hi Giver, I really feel your disappointment, both of my ex's have been very inconsiderate and did things that were just a slap in the face for me shortly after breaking up. They both left me for a new bf... and when that's not hard enough to go through, they announce their new love on their blog and msn. Cruel eh? I don't know if you should send an email to him or not. If he doesn't reply, you would never know how he felt about it and it will just disappoint you even more. Either way, you will eventually forgive him when you have moved on with your life. From my experience, ex's usually become inconsiderate when they find a new lover.
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