Cossette4 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 It's been 5 and a half months since our breakup from our 5 and a half year relationship and I'm still feeling all of these icky things I don't want to feel anymore. Embarrassment: I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I am embarrassed to death to be the one that was "dumped" in a relationship. (By the way, I can't STAND that word). I guess it's because it was done in such a cold, cowardly, sneaky, emotionless way, and then he walked away from it and MOVED IN with the most trailer-trash scum of the city 2 weeks later. That makes me feel so worthless and expendable. Even worse, I consider myself very conservative and classy and for him to spit in my face and choose skanky and dirty over me makes me feel so stupid. All of my friends (and all of his friends) tell me "He's the one who should be embarrassed" and that makes me feel slightly better but still, ugh. Everyone used to think we were this cute, drama-free, real couple, and now we look like a Jerry Springer freak show and I hate that. Creeped out: I was with this person for 5 years and I really thought I knew him and I TRUSTED him and then he goes and does this. I really feel like he "snapped" and he is a different person now and it's so scary b/c I don't know why, and I don't know if this change happened immediately after the breakup or if this was being hidden from me for months (in which case, he could be a cheater for all I know). And I relive our last days together and I get chills wondering if he knew all along he was going to shatter me. Powerless: I was always the one in the relationship who held the "power" because I'm very high strung and he was very laid back, so I often got my way and I often dominated when we fought. Now I feel like he knocked me down and is laughing over me. Even though he's dating a skank mutant, I'd still feel like I'd shrivel and die if I were to walk past them on the street. Him having someone vs. me having no one means he wins, no matter how unpleasant she is in my mind. Jealousy: Not of the new girlfriend, mind you (because it's virutally impossible to envy a slutty trailer park whore) but of him for being able to end a 5 year relationship and experience no mourning and of all of my friends who seem to be going strong in their relationships. Whenever I'm crying, I think of him smiling his face off with HER, and whenever I hang out with my friends, I want to vomit whenever they mention their boyfriends, fiancees, etc. Anxious: I have been waiting patiently for his life to crumble before him and him to fall on his face so everyone around him can give him a big "I told you so." I wouldn't care if he came crawling back to me or not (though it would be satisfying to tell him all of the pain he put me through and then tell him I can never look at him again after what he did to me and walk away awesome like they do in the movies). But the point is, I want him to regret this and I'm scared he won't. How can someone never feel guilty for shattering and betraying someone else? How can someone who was happy with me for 5 years find happiness in killing me and running to the total opposite of me? How can someone be happy when they've pushed away all of their friends and tainted all of their past? God, make these go away. I used to wake up happy.
jusified Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Well some people are like that and trust me your are not the only one to have this happened to. 1) Don't hope his life will crumble and want to laugh at him and watch him suffer. When that happens you won't feel that great about it (the most it would make you feel is ok, good, but owells). You should not hold on to a hope, jus know that his happy now but his been stupid but its his choice. 2) move on, be a good person, improve yourself, see if you made any mistakes that made him do what he did. Not saying he was right, in fact I think his been a complete loser. You need to be the best you can be so you can have someone better 3) His in your past, the recent past maybe but in the past, accept it and move on, you will feel alot better. I use to feel like how you feel everyday, can't go to sleep and wake up with a broken and painful heart, with tears in my eye and waiting for a full day of loneliness and seeing how happy other couples are. You know what, I don't feel that anymore, I realise what happend, I know who I am and I know I will have someone better and someone that deserves me. So should you. Sitting around and waiting to see him fall is not the right way, in your heart close the chapter that involves him and start a new one with out him. It doesn't matter if he falls or stays happy, because his no longer your concern. Wish him the best (in your heart) and let him go on with his life without you because thats what he wants....... In time you will be happy, especially when you find someone better!!
Author Cossette4 Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 I know your advice is totally right, but the problem is, reading it makes me so angry! Everytime you said "move on" or the last part when you said "let him go on with his life without you because that's what he wants" made me really upset and that tells me I must be so not ready to move on and so not even close to being over this I really want to be over it and I really do want to let it go but when someone goes "Look, he's happy without you" it really bothers me and I just want to break down. My mind just goes "What?! How COULD he be?" So what does THAT say about me? I must be so stuck in this situation I'm hopeless. The crazy thing is, I KNOW I can find better and I KNOW I would never take him back, yet there's still something in me that REALLLLLY PROFOUNDLY CARES that he still loves me, misses me, and made a horrible mistake. And it's not so we can be together again, it's just so I can know I meant something, I was worth something, and someone can't just spit in my face and never regret it, ya know?
lorr Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I do sympathise with you, as 5 years is a long time to be with someone. At the end of the day you do not have a clue what is currently going on in their relationship. I agree with jusified, the best revenge is moving on and improving all areas in your life.You are the only one who takes responsibility for your thoughts, behaviour and emotions.You alone are the one that controls how you feel, not your ex. You have a choice, you can either wake up each day consumed with bitterness and anger over a guy who was stupid enough to have left you for a trailertrash whore. Or you can do the right thing, by giving yourself ample time to grieve the relationship, and taking things each day at a time.
julieg Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 i bet based on your reaction, that his actions are out of character for the following reasons: 1. to make you mad 2. he cant deal with the emotional loss after 5 yrs and this is how he is dealing with it. using the new chick to put you totally out of his mind. 3. the new slutty girl is really into sex all the time. most guys reallly cant resist this. for sure that is why he is with her. 4. she is so anti you. psychologically it helps him deal if he has someone who cant possibly remind him of you. i was in a ltr and when we broke up he immediately set up with someone new. it really irritated me big time. he knew it too. so does your ex. its going to take a long time to get this guy out of your system to the point where you are indifferent when you think of him or see him. keep taking care of yourself you deserve someone of a higher emotional maturity.
sunangel Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 After five years of course your gonna feel worthless, but do you really love him or is it that you just got used to him? I often see alot of couples stay together for CONVENIENCE! Not because their in love. Him being with trash now sends a big message....... TRASH is what he wants, and deserves. Obviously your not together for that reason. Keep your head up high and realize that your too good for him. Let's all raise our glasses and toast to classy girls around the world!
Author Cossette4 Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 Thanks for your responses everybody Julie, I've been hearing those things a lot from everyone I talk to--people say he's rebounding and trying to go to the total opposite to erase me. In a way, it makes me feel sick, but then in another weird way, it's strangely a compliment because it means this break up must be affecting him. If he really didn't care as he arrogantly acts, I don't think he'd really be going to all of these extremes (we didn't even live together and he moved in with this girl after 2 weeks! His best friend tried to tell him how foolish he is acting and now they haven't spoken in over 3 months! So sad and crazy.)
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