finaljive Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Ive been with my girlfriend for 19 months now and it feels like she wears the pants in the relationship..i do everything she asks of me, ive stopped being jealous, immature and ive even let her tell me how to drive, dress, speak, what to wear and who to hang out with. My friends say that im whipped and i hate hearing that. and my sisters dont see anything wrong in my relationship?!..but i do!..am i the only one? how do i regain control of my manhood?...or atleast keep my dignity..
ls3360 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 It sounds bad. Pick an example or two and provide more details. Also tell us more about what your sisters say about the examples.
Author finaljive Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 for example, i bought subwoofers for my car and my girfriend told me not to install it becuase its to loud and gaudy. i brought her flowers while she was at work, u noe trying to be a good boyfriend and she tells me that its not that time and place to do things like that. my sisters say that shes perfect for me cuz she keeps me in check, but im not complaining about that. i just want to be able to do what i want and have her understand. like the way things used to be when the realtionship was fresh. my friends say that i did it to myself by letting her tell me what to do and by listening to her. but thats what a boyfriends sposed to do?..rite?
ls3360 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 but im not complaining about that. i just want to be able to do what i want and have her understand There's not a lot of info to go by. It sounds like she might have done some good things (as your sisters say), but your sisters don't know how far she's gone now, and she appears to have gone too far. As a result you don't feel respected and appreciated. Did I get that right?
Author finaljive Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 i wish i could give more info but i dont rele noe wut to write, this is my first thread type. but u seem to understand how i feel. i feel un loved, but she swears that she loves me. she started saying that i dont try anymore and recently i have been doing all that i could. taking her out to dinner, movies, making her dinner, but the harder i try, the more mean she is to me. and when shes mean she yells and i just sit there and listen. i used to yell back, but we never go anywhere, i always ended up apologizing and saying sorry even when im right, but we all know that the girl is always right. and when she yells i do the things she asks of me. whether it be for me to be more understanding ( she works fulltime on the days that she doesnt have school and she gets tired easliy) and i try to be understanding but i guess im not cuz she just keeps on yelling. to understand her a little bit more ill give a little of her background. shes comes from a house of all girls and shes not used to a guy being ther 24/7. shes independent, works for her money and pays for herself. never had a longterm relationship b4, and always dated older guys. and to top if off, shes a firey red head. i dont rele care about wut my sisters say cuz they only see some. but mostly i feel like shes controling my life like it was her own?...i just want to noe if ther is anything i can do to let know that i am a guy and that i want to be in control of somethings in our relationship.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 from a girls's perspective i can sort indenfy with what ur gf is doing. as women (not all women of course) but we have a tendency to make our bfs/husbands do what we desire them to do. i do it sometimes to my boyfriend. just the other day i nagged him about playing his video games to much and he told me that i dont control the relationship and that he doesnt like it when i try to tell him what to do. my advice maybe, is that if u dont like that this is going on then u should stand up for urself. she's not gonna like hearing that ur sick of her telling u what to do, believe me, but it seems like u've lost control of urself and who u are. women do want strong men, so its time for u to regain the strength that u had which made her fall in love with u in the first place.
Author finaljive Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 so its not just her, all girls want to be in control?..so if we broke up this would happen agaiN? lol i wouldnt want to do that tho. i tried your advice. i talked to her and told her that she controls everything in the relationship and i wanted to regain some control. her repsonse was, " you dont own me, so u cant control me" and i said im not talkin about u im talking about how u control me and she said " i dont control you, trust me"...wtf does that mean?!...so later last nite i went back to her house and we watched a movie, and it was a movie that i had picked. after the movie she said that next time we watch a movie she gets to pick it. and i said no, ill pick it. she thought i was joking tho but im clearly not lol. how do i avoid a fight later on down the line and still get to pick the movie? without having to walk on egg shells around her.?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 she might be in denial and not even realize she is controlling u. the movie thing is sometimes difficult. maybe take turns picking the movie. or watch a movie u'll both enjoy. in a give-and-take relationship compromise is so important. seems like u guys have some communication issues and need to learn to compromise better. it's difficult i know. maybe u should tell her that u dont like her controlling everything in the relationship and making all the decisions. don't be confrontational and tell her what she is doing, maybe tell her what u FEEL she is doing. there is a big different between the two. boyfriends and girlfriends don't always agree on everything unfortunately, so compromise and communication are very important. just try talking calmly about it and maybe about the movie, take turns picking the movie or watch movies u'll both like. sounds to me like the more important issue here is ur communication. try to talk calmly and tell her how u feel without telling her what she is doing wrong. make it about ur relationship and not just her. she may react better to that. let us know what happens!
JCD Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I'm a guy but I don't think that men need to control the relationship out of the fear that women will later on if they don't. What I mean is that both partners should be mature enough to know how to compromise and work towards peaceful existence. They should be a team. That's a healthy relationship.
johan Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Being a man means trusting your own judgment. And that means making good decisions and then sticking by them. So be a man. Make good decisions and then stick by them. This is how you live happily, regardless of who you're with. But it's also how you keep her respect. If you want to put subwoofers in your own car, then do it. You can listen to her gripe about it, and you can be respectful of her opinion. But it's your car. The decision is yours. To be honest, she shouldn't have much to say about it. As far as the flowers at her office go, if she doesn't at least show gratitude, then she's bad girlfriend. Because you meant well. It could be that she doesn't feel comfortable enough in her office to have you there doing stuff like that. But she should still understand and appreciate it. Some guys look to be mothered by their women. Maybe that's how you are. But if this is bothering you, then maybe you aren't.
paris38 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 You are young. She's a bitch. You are unhappy. Break up with her and find someone you're compatible with. Seriously. Breaking up is not a crime! You are totally NOT compatible with this person, you'll be doing both of you a favor by dumping her, seriously.
Author finaljive Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 i hear wut u say...ive thought that b4 so many times. we may fite alot, but wen were alone..its like a dream, i live for her. i cant let her go because i owe it to her to devote everyday of my life to make it work and make her happy. i noe shes hard headed but i want to to be with her. i need help getting in her head and working for wut i want. sumwhere down the line i lost sight of wut i got into the relationship for. to make the girl that i have, the happiest one alive. i need help gettin back on track. how to deal with her because i want too.
CaliGuy Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Ive been with my girlfriend for 19 months now and it feels like she wears the pants in the relationship..i do everything she asks of me, ive stopped being jealous, immature and ive even let her tell me how to drive, dress, speak, what to wear and who to hang out with. My friends say that im whipped and i hate hearing that. and my sisters dont see anything wrong in my relationship?!..but i do!..am i the only one? how do i regain control of my manhood?...or atleast keep my dignity.. Buy the book: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - David Glover. It will teach you how to be a man. Confident, secure, masculine. You might need to leave this relationship though in order to do it.
Author finaljive Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 i read a book called "hes just not that into you" cuz my sisters had it laying around the house, and i tried to take all of the advice in the book and switch it around to fit a guys point of view and it was alil hard. lol...im gonna keep the book u recommended in mind. thanks
Porn_Guy Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I would recommend the book How To Succeed With Women by Louis & Copeland.
clatan Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Sounds to me like you two just aren't meant for each other and that you're just hanging together because, like most poeple, society has told you that you should have a boyfirend/girlfriend. If you feel there's nothing about you that needs improving, in other words nothing she's been bitching at you about, then find someone else. If you don't want to do that, then keep dating her, marry her and have a kid with her and enjoy what you've had to put up with for the rest of your life.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I wish I had a book to recommend but I'll stick with my common sense. A man/woman relationship should not consist of one being in control of the other. Neither partner should be in control. It should be more of a symbiotic relationship, meaning that both should benefit from the other person. You should draw balance from each other's strength's and weaknesses. That balance should bring a sense of belonging together to achieve a purpose that is unattainable apart. That sounds "out there", but it's true. Love is about wanting the absolute best for the other person, even when that isn't always "the best" for ourselves. Of course I mean that within reason. We don't always think that whats best for our significant other is within reason, but yet we still need to support them in their dreams and efforts. For instance, a man believes his true calling is in music. He shouldn't quit his day job to form a band, but should be encouraged to pursue his musical interests beyond his job requirements and to see where that leads. It MAY lead to a full time encouragement of his dreams. Our dreams is what keeps us all living day to day, right? As far as your GF not wanting flowers at work, I can offer one perspective. I had a man who ONLY sent me flowers at work (on occasion, not regularly) and I can say that I began to wonder if the flowers were meant to impress my coworkers more than they were to impress me. Try bringing flowers home to her and see if that makes a difference. Other than what I have said, she seems very controlling, and you seem very nice and naive. I'm not the kind of woman who bosses my man around, or would accept the same, but for me respect is key. Respect is what has brought me happiness, but it is reciprocal. We both come from a need for respect. Good luck to you.
Porn_Guy Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 A man/woman relationship should not consist of one being in control of the other. Neither partner should be in control. then why are women in control of the relationship most of the time?
Pyro Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 then why are women in control of the relationship most of the time? IMHO, a relationship where one has the majority of the control is not a healthy relationship and will eventually self-distruct. There are healthy relationships out there.
Author finaljive Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 i respect everything u said and i take it into consideration. the thing about the flowers, my gf was my best friend b4 we started going out. she saw the way i treated my ex gfs. and she told me one nite that she wished i could bring her flowers wenever and just not on special occasions. and i thought that she was dropping hints or somethin. i work in a flower shop so i always have access to fowers lol...when i take her flowers home after i get off from work, she sumtimes says that the only reason im brining her flowers is becuase i work with them, and if i didnt, i would never do it. and the only day i had off was the day i took flowers to her workplace. i tried brining up the problem with her but she had a motto. " if it didnt happen today, then dont bring it up"...im just at a point where i dont even yell at her nemore, or get mad, i just look at her and wonder how her mind works, sumtimes i think im the crazy one.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 ur gf doesn't seem very grateful or appreciative of anything u do. it sounds like u really care about her to even put up with it and want to work on the relationship. obviously talking to her just isnt helping and she doesn't seem very willing to compromise. it sounds to me like ur getting fed up. maybe u should tell her that u are fed up with dealing with her ungratefulness and see what she says. it sounds like she doesn't care very much about the relationship or anything u do for her, so maybe talking about it and working through it just might not happen. i know u love her and want to be with her but maybe there is a girl that is better out there for u who will appreciate and love everything u do for her.
Porn_Guy Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 IMHO, a relationship where one has the majority of the control is not a healthy relationship and will eventually self-distruct. There are healthy relationships out there. there are many people who don't want "control" but want to be led and told what to do. The majority of folks fall into this category. True leaders who are control freaks are few and far between.
Pyro Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 there are many people who don't want "control" but want to be led and told what to do. The majority of folks fall into this category. True leaders who are control freaks are few and far between. I'm not so sure if that is the majority, but I do know quite a few like that.
IpAncA Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 so its not just her, all girls want to be in control?..so if we broke up this would happen agaiN? lol i wouldnt want to do that tho. i tried your advice. i talked to her and told her that she controls everything in the relationship and i wanted to regain some control. her repsonse was, " you dont own me, so u cant control me" and i said im not talkin about u im talking about how u control me and she said " i dont control you, trust me"...wtf does that mean?!...so later last nite i went back to her house and we watched a movie, and it was a movie that i had picked. after the movie she said that next time we watch a movie she gets to pick it. and i said no, ill pick it. she thought i was joking tho but im clearly not lol. how do i avoid a fight later on down the line and still get to pick the movie? without having to walk on egg shells around her.? Dump the Bi*ch! She has ISSUES!! Not all girls want to be in control. I'm nothing like that. The only way this will happen again is if you let it. Stop letting her control you.
IpAncA Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I tried brining up the problem with her but she had a motto. " if it didnt happen today, then dont bring it up"...im just at a point where i dont even yell at her nemore, or get mad, i just look at her and wonder how her mind works, sumtimes i think im the crazy one. What a crock.
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