Greenfrog Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 A guy whom I started seeing had a conversation about how he sees me. He says he sees me as a friend and someone he'd like to sleep with but not as a future wife for him. Why ? Because Im too conservative and vanilla. I thought men wanted to marry nice girls. I dont understand ... And Im rocky road, not vanilla! What the blankety blank does that mean ? My last boyfriend told me how I was too much a freespirited spitfire for him. Im the black sheep in my family because Im considered so wild and carefree. What did this new guy mean ? I told him Im open sexually but Ive only slept with 1 guy so far. (Im almost 30) I feel annoyed and insulted. Was he just trying to bait me into being wild and proving him wrong ? Was it a Jedi Mind Trick ? If so wow Im going to ignore him Jesus I know how to pick the strange guys.
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Maybe he just means he's not husband material? I don't know. I say that I'm not the marrying type but no guy's ever said it to me before. If they had I'd probably agree.
TudorII Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 With out having more details and just at a glance this guys seem to be throwing up the I'm not interested in getting married right now or maybe even not a serious relationship flag. You said you were close to 30, do you think you might be giving off a ready to settle down and want a serious relationship vibe? Not trying to generalize you because of your age but I've seen it many times where girls approaching 30 or in their 30s and still single seem to give off that kind of vibe. So it may not be anything about you being vanilla, or my favorite cookies and cream....but rather what they think you are looking for and what they are trying to avoid.
Author Greenfrog Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 Im confused and annoyed because the guy says how he definitely wants to get married and have kids. Just not to me because Im too conservative My brain really does hurt because Im a pretty wild spitfire chica. I try to seem sweet, nice and pleasant on the surface though. Is he that clueless that he can see the real me ?
TudorII Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Im confused and annoyed because the guy says how he definitely wants to get married and have kids. Just not to me because Im too conservative Maybe but when does he want those things....now, a few years from now, etc. Still think its the serious relationship he is avoiding and not you.
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 IJust not to me because Im too conservative My brain really does hurt because Im a pretty wild spitfire chica. I try to seem sweet, nice and pleasant on the surface though. Is he that clueless that he can see the real me ? I don't understand. Inside you're a spitfire but outwardly you "seem" sweet and pleasant. How come if you like him so much you aren't just being yourself? Maybe he thinks you're conservative in showing him the real you?
Author Greenfrog Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 I don't understand. Inside you're a spitfire but outwardly you "seem" sweet and pleasant. How come if you like him so much you aren't just being yourself? Maybe he thinks you're conservative in showing him the real you? There is no way he could think Im that conservative. To be blunt we wildly made out when we first met. And now when I pressed him for where we stand he laid out the cards and told me that he doesnt conside rme wife material for him because Im too conservative. I made him elaborate and he said its because Im cautious/safe/ too boring. I think thats all just a BS excuse and a way for him to get out of being in serious relationship with me and a way to goad me into showing him how wild and exciting I can be. Man Im spitting nails mad right now. Mad because I actualy liked him so much because I thought he was so cool, fascinating and special. And he tells me Im conservative and basically dull. what an @sshole. ARGH. The only contact I want to have with him is to send him a tape of me and my next future boyfriend having great sex together ! :laugh: Bastard, I was starting to fall for him
ls3360 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 What did this new guy mean ? Well, you're not insane. It does sound backwards. Was the conversation with you or someone else? Could the story have gotten mixed up when it was repeated to you?
lonelybird Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 He is not nice to say that. I guess he tried to lure you to do something you don't really like. and what he said is put you down not build you up. better leave him. we cannot change the color whenever the man wants us to be. and what he said about you isn't important. important thing is how you think of yourself.
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 He is not nice to say that. I guess he tried to lure you to do something you don't really like. and what he said is put you down not build you up. better leave him. we cannot change the color whenever the man wants us to be. and what he said about you isn't important. important thing is how you think of yourself. I agree with lonelybird. He basically told you that you're not good enough. It probably stems from his own deep-rooted issue. When people are insecure they try to project their own insecurities onto others. Which is exactly what he's done to you. Now you are questioning yourself. Are you comfortable in your own skin? That's really all that matters. You are better off being alone than with someone who makes you feel bad about being you. That's not fascinating or cool to me. That makes him screwed up IMO.
Author Greenfrog Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 eNJOY THE INSANITY: HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:23 PM): for me i see u as a freind HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:31 PM): and as someone i can have passion with HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:39 PM): i dont see u as my future wife HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:44 PM): u r too conservative for me HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:49 PM): which is fine MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:33:55 PM): me too conservative lol HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:56 PM): but we would disagree too much HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:59 PM): yes u r MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:34:10 PM): yu have no idea HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:20 PM): how many times did u have sex with your ex HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:23 PM): seriously MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:34:41 PM): the reason i like you is you seem non boring and unorthodox HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:47 PM): how many times MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:34:59 PM): 25 times over 3 years. HIM (1/3/2007 11:35:09 PM): thats sad HIM (1/3/2007 11:35:17 PM): how many times have u had drugs MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:35:35 PM): twice HIM (1/3/2007 11:36:39 PM): u have had drugs twice and have had sex over 3 years not even once a month with one man in your entire life HIM (1/3/2007 11:36:44 PM): u r conservative meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:44:48 PM): **** i dont know why you think im so conservative. all my friends are creatives. and im the black sheep of my family because i wont conform meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:44:51 PM): oh well HIM (1/3/2007 11:44:59 PM): u r soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo HIM (1/3/2007 11:45:02 PM): conservative meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:45:23 PM): nope. HIM (1/3/2007 11:45:27 PM): come over prove m wrong HIM (1/3/2007 11:45:34 PM): if u dont u are conservative meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:45:37 PM): ah i see jedi mind tricks. meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:45:41 PM): you really are smart meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:46:15 PM): youre frustrating meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:46:33 PM): and dont judges books by their covers baby. HIM (1/3/2007 11:46:43 PM): conashleytive HIM (1/3/2007 11:46:46 PM): thats u meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:46:49 PM): you have to talk and observe people to know how wild or boring they are. HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:01 PM): u r conservative meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:47:02 PM): you need to be spanked HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:08 PM): you are conservative HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:12 PM): then invite me over HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:26 PM): i wont f^ck u HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:30 PM): invite me over meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:48:34 PM): im still insulted you think im some boring conservatve girl ::rolls eyes:: so boring you wouldnt even consider me as wifey material HIM (1/3/2007 11:49:00 PM): u r too boring HIM (1/3/2007 11:49:05 PM): too conservative HIM (1/3/2007 11:49:08 PM): prove me wrong HIM (1/3/2007 11:55:44 PM): i am a few miles away HIM (1/3/2007 11:55:52 PM): invite me over meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:56:18 PM): so tempted....................................... meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:56:22 PM): but you dont believe m meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:56:34 PM): you htink im this boring little mousy conservative wimp meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:56:35 PM): lol HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:08 PM): u r HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:18 PM): so follow through on your courage and not your fear HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:30 PM): i dont want to f^ck u tonight meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:57:33 PM): dont confuse a strong will like mine with being conservative. HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:36 PM): contrary to what u may think HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:42 PM): i want to see u HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:44 PM): prove me wrong meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:58:04 PM): you are smart and strongwilled yourself. meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:58:08 PM): i like that meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:58:14 PM): someone to handle me HIM (1/3/2007 11:58:16 PM): ok i am giving up on u HIM (1/3/2007 11:58:23 PM): gave u your chance HIM (1/3/2007 11:58:29 PM): last chance right here meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:59:06 PM): mmm. maybe ill just surprise you sometime. raincoat with nothing underneath at your door HIM (1/3/2007 11:59:12 PM): nope HIM (1/3/2007 11:59:16 PM): no tonight no never HIM (1/4/2007 12:00:14 AM): i am not kidding HIM (1/4/2007 12:00:16 AM): too bad
justagirliegirl Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 after reading the text I had to Looks like he's been reading double your dating or some other bs like that! Seriously, he was trying to get you to have sex with him. Simple as that. I hope you DTMFA! what a loser!
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Um...f*ck him! Not literally. Good for you for standing your ground. I don't see you as being conservative. I see you as being strong. Someone will totally unleash the animal in you. And this guy was definitely not the one to do it. F*ck him.
Luvinit Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 eNJOY THE INSANITY: HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:23 PM): for me i see u as a freind HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:31 PM): and as someone i can have passion with HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:39 PM): i dont see u as my future wife HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:44 PM): u r too conservative for me HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:49 PM): which is fine MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:33:55 PM): me too conservative lol HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:56 PM): but we would disagree too much HIM (1/3/2007 11:33:59 PM): yes u r MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:34:10 PM): yu have no idea HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:20 PM): how many times did u have sex with your ex HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:23 PM): seriously MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:34:41 PM): the reason i like you is you seem non boring and unorthodox HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:47 PM): how many times MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:34:59 PM): 25 times over 3 years. HIM (1/3/2007 11:35:09 PM): thats sad HIM (1/3/2007 11:35:17 PM): how many times have u had drugs MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:35:35 PM): twice HIM (1/3/2007 11:36:39 PM): u have had drugs twice and have had sex over 3 years not even once a month with one man in your entire life HIM (1/3/2007 11:36:44 PM): u r conservative meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:44:48 PM): **** i dont know why you think im so conservative. all my friends are creatives. and im the black sheep of my family because i wont conform meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:44:51 PM): oh well HIM (1/3/2007 11:44:59 PM): u r soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo HIM (1/3/2007 11:45:02 PM): conservative meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:45:23 PM): nope. HIM (1/3/2007 11:45:27 PM): come over prove m wrong HIM (1/3/2007 11:45:34 PM): if u dont u are conservative meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:45:37 PM): ah i see jedi mind tricks. meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:45:41 PM): you really are smart meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:46:15 PM): youre frustrating meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:46:33 PM): and dont judges books by their covers baby. HIM (1/3/2007 11:46:43 PM): conashleytive HIM (1/3/2007 11:46:46 PM): thats u meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:46:49 PM): you have to talk and observe people to know how wild or boring they are. HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:01 PM): u r conservative meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:47:02 PM): you need to be spanked HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:08 PM): you are conservative HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:12 PM): then invite me over HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:26 PM): i wont f^ck u HIM (1/3/2007 11:47:30 PM): invite me over meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:48:34 PM): im still insulted you think im some boring conservatve girl ::rolls eyes:: so boring you wouldnt even consider me as wifey material HIM (1/3/2007 11:49:00 PM): u r too boring HIM (1/3/2007 11:49:05 PM): too conservative HIM (1/3/2007 11:49:08 PM): prove me wrong HIM (1/3/2007 11:55:44 PM): i am a few miles away HIM (1/3/2007 11:55:52 PM): invite me over meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:56:18 PM): so tempted....................................... meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:56:22 PM): but you dont believe m meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:56:34 PM): you htink im this boring little mousy conservative wimp meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:56:35 PM): lol HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:08 PM): u r HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:18 PM): so follow through on your courage and not your fear HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:30 PM): i dont want to f^ck u tonight meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:57:33 PM): dont confuse a strong will like mine with being conservative. HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:36 PM): contrary to what u may think HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:42 PM): i want to see u HIM (1/3/2007 11:57:44 PM): prove me wrong meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:58:04 PM): you are smart and strongwilled yourself. meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:58:08 PM): i like that meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:58:14 PM): someone to handle me HIM (1/3/2007 11:58:16 PM): ok i am giving up on u HIM (1/3/2007 11:58:23 PM): gave u your chance HIM (1/3/2007 11:58:29 PM): last chance right here meGREENFROG (1/3/2007 11:59:06 PM): mmm. maybe ill just surprise you sometime. raincoat with nothing underneath at your door HIM (1/3/2007 11:59:12 PM): nope HIM (1/3/2007 11:59:16 PM): no tonight no never HIM (1/4/2007 12:00:14 AM): i am not kidding HIM (1/4/2007 12:00:16 AM): too bad First off, from reading this the two of you are far too young to even be thinking about marriage. Secondly, you may want to find a guy that is not looking for a girl that does drugs... unless you think of yourself as trashy and want to be with trash. Wherever you are finding guys like this... stay away from there.
LN99 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 The guy sounds like a LOSER!! Plus, if he told you flat out he didn't see you as wife material, that right there would make me want to move on.
magichands Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Because Im too conservative and vanilla. Which part of you did he taste? Anyway, if being "too" conservative is synonymous with one-on-one relationships (cf. threesomes), then you're better off fishing in a completely different pond. And don't let him taste you again.
cutegirl Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 To be perfectly honest if you've only had sex 25 times over a period of THREE years, that IS kind of conservative. I'm not saying that justifies his behavior, but compared to the average person, yea that's pretty conservative. Most couples have sex on average 3 times a week. 25 times over 3 years while in a relationship seems like a sex deprived relationship. Most guys need it A LOT more than that. And to have had 1 sex partner at the age of 30 is VERY conservative. If that's what you believe in than great for you, but I'm saying MOST people would consider that kind of odd.
cutegirl Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Also, you may have a very spit-fire type personality and be a fun-long adventurous person, but you're conservative sexually speaking. Most guys wouldn't be very happy with sex 25 times in 3 years. That doesn't mean that you should change yourself for him, of course not, but I can totally understand why he would think you're conservative. There's lots of threads here about men divorcing cause their not getting enough sex. This guy prolly just wants a wife who can satisfy him sexually and frequently at that.
Walk Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 How long did you date this guy? Or how long were you two hanging out together (total time)? This guy is a jerk. Whether someone did drugs or not does not make them "wild". He insulted you repeatedly, then threatened you, in order to get you to conform to what he wanted from you. You held your ground. That was wise of you. He wasn't upset that you're conservative, he was upset you aren't conforming to what he wanted. Two suggestions though: Don't ask a guy if he thinks you're wife material early in the relationship. Ask him if he see's you as long term relationship material, or ask if he considers marriage in his future... but asking if you're "wife" material insinuates that the reason you are dating him is because you want marriage ASAP, and he better be getting the rings tomorrow. Most guys interpret it as "death sentence", not happy talk of the future. Second: It's a good idea not to jump into sex with anyone until you feel comfortable and get to know the person well... But in a long term monogamous relationship you're going to get dumped if you think having sex less than .7 times a month is going to cut it. Your history says that you hate sex, and avoid it at all costs. If you're having problems with sex, then talk to a doctor, or counselor about it. There's a difference between being "conservative" about sex, and being unwilling/scared to have sex. Conservative means you have morals and values that are more strict than others may be. It doesn't make you less of a person. But differentiate between actions that are "conservative" and actions based out of fear. The fear based ones are never good. Make choices based on what you value, not because you're scared of being rejected, or not being accepted. You're allowing others to dictate who you are. Stand firm in what you believe. Make sure those beliefs are grounded in values and morals you've put great thought into, not fear based. If you do that, then no matter what happens you won't regret your choices in life.
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 i had a boyfriend once who told me he wouldn't marry me - it hurt quite a lot at the time. What was more weird was when i first met him he said he was looking for a wife (that almost made me run screaming from the room) and then a couple months later he came out with 'I like you yes, but I'm not going to marry you.' In hindsight what this guy was really saying was "I have an image of the person I want to marry, to be a certain height, looks, personality and you don't fit that bill." This may be shallow of him but I guess he was honest. I did feel a bit used 'I'm good for sleeping with but not to marry' but actually I didn't meet his expectations of what he wanted and I was never going to so it wasn't worth taking personally. I agree with others he was trying to goad you into having sex with him so you'd show him you weren't conservative... the wife bit is really nothing to do with it and you probably don't fit his image of what he thinks his wife will be like. I don't think he sounds like a very nice guy and worth being involved with (even to prove you're not conversative)... If you are happy with who you are then that's all that matters.
stillafool Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 It's clear to me he just wants to f**k you. He has probably tried this tactic on other women and it worked. He figures all women want to get married so he uses that line to get freaky sex out of them. This guy is a loser big time. You should be happy he told you that he doesn't plan to marry you and move on.
typical Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Is he that clueless that he can see the real me ? YES. He cant see the real you because he doesnt want to. Understand this. He just wants sex. Thats it. He was trying to lure you into his lair with the same boring routine over and over again because thats all he has... This is what stood out to me: MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:34:10 PM): yu have no idea HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:20 PM): how many times did u have sex with your ex HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:23 PM): seriously MEgreenfrog (1/3/2007 11:34:41 PM): the reason i like you is you seem non boring and unorthodox HIM (1/3/2007 11:34:47 PM): how many times He completely blows over your genuine compliment, pressing you for more information on your sex life. Nothing about this whole chat thing seems mature. Its just a case of a guy picking one thing that he knows will get under your skin and rolling with it, to see if you will break down and screw him. He is not after the same things you are after, thats for sure. And no, he is not deep or profound or anything of the sort, so dont become confused. Actually, he is purposely trying to confuse you into thinking he is different but he is not. Basically it is the same package, different wrapping. Thats all. It still boils down to this: "I dont care what makes you tick as long as you screw me".... **Dont get consumed. He is way too surface for that, and you will be the one who ends up hurt. Um...f*ck him! Someone will totally unleash the animal in you. And this guy was definitely not the one to do it. Oh gawd is this ever so true....You want PASSION. Hot wild steamy crazy mind blowing passion. This guy sounds like he is more concerned about his dick pimples and uneven scroat than he is about blowing your mind.
rina_r Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Loser and player. He is definitely not the marriage material. Dont listen to him. Dont let such idiots put you down.
Touche Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I loved the "you need a spanking" line! How original:rolleyes: This guy is a dime a dozen..nothing original or deep about him.
luvtoto Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 A guy whom I started seeing had a conversation about how he sees me. I wouldn't give a dang about how he sees me in the relationship. All I would be concerned with is how *I* see him. He is just building himself up by knocking you down..metaphorically speaking. It would never get to the point of having that conversation. I think that's rude of him to say that.
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