jidgey16 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 me and this guy have been dating...talking for a month now and i was just kinda wondering what the best way is to ask where i stand here...i want to know if he is talking to other girls and if so i won't be interested because i really like this guy and just am not sure what to do here...any help would be so appreciated!! thanks!!
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Tell him how you feel about him. Just be upfront and honest. Ask him if he's interested in making things more serious.
Valentine Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Hmm. Whichwayisup is right. Be more direct, more...assertive. Ask him how he feels 'bout you and stuff. Dont be afraid of the truth. I went through this all and if things take a bad turn...you gotta step up and ask him on a date or something, maybe just give him a suprise kiss then run. Guys fall for that all the time...[And so did i] And one question: Who started the relationship?
Genji Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 All great advice in here. If you want to know where you stand you have to risk and ask. A lot of guys will NOT bring up this subject. It's not in their nature, whereas talking about feelings is more in your nature. Just do it! if he likes you, he'll be so glad you brought it up. Most guys are not open, if you're open to him first and be honest it'll open up a floodgate. And if he doesn't feel the same way, who cares? You can't lose a guy if you've never had him in the first place!
Island Girl Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Have you been dating? Or 'talking'? There is a big difference. Are you intimate? If not, have things been moving in that direction? If they are, and you haven't slept with him, it can be a perfect opportunity to find out where you stand. You could tell him you would only consider moving in that direction if you were in a serious commited relationship and open the topic that way.
Author jidgey16 Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 he initiated the relationship by calling me first and asking me to hang out...im not sure what to do because he is a little older than i am and im used to dealing with guys who are around my age of 24. its a little different...its just really tough because i want to seem confident (which i am, im extremely outgoing) but when im around him i get so nervous about being the right way that all that confidenc stuff flys out the window...we have been intimate...but waited about 4 weeks after we met he was the one who wanted to wait...thanks for all the advice...any more would be great!
Kinger25 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 You are always a nervous wreck when you first meet someone. For some reason, we tend to try and live beyond our normal standards when we meet someone because we are so afraid that we will not live up to what they want if we dont. Dont worry though, this all passes over time !! Soon you'll be farting in front of him and shouting domestic orders to him through the car window on your way to the shop !!! Its a natural cycle. He obviously likes you for who you are. Dont try too hard to impress him and fall foul to becoming somebody that you are not. He's going to find out the real you in the end so you may as well get it over and done with now rather than later. Just ask him directly where you stand with him. Nobody really minds being asked that as long as they do actually like the person they have been dating !!
Walk Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I've always just asked a guy where we stood after a month or two of "dating" or hanging out. I usually just say something like "How do you see this relationship?" Then go from there. I usually ask questions based off whatever answer he gives so I can get a better picture of what he's saying. Or you could approach it from the angle of safety. Since you two are being intimate, it is well within your rights to know whether he's being intimate with others too. He isn't just risking his health, but yours too. How you approach it would depend on what type of person he is. But maybe simply stating that you really like him, and enjoy what you have, and explain that you're concerned about STD's and ask if he's dating or seeing others that might become intimate relationships. I always hate that period of not knowing where you stand. I can't have sex with a guy unless I'm sure he's not still keeping his options open with other women. He has to at least agree to being monogamous first. I get too emotionally attached after sex.
Guest-L Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I have also been dating a guy for a month it has been soooo much fun. He is friend's with my brother and I am friend's with his sister in law. so there are a lot of interested parties in us dating which is kind of annoying and puts pressure on me (us). I don't think they ask him I think they mainly just ask me as I am the girl. So now a month into the dating. We have plans for two weeks from now to go to a show with my family... but, for the first time in a month we did not talk yesterday and he did not respond to my email, which he has never not responded. new years his sister in law confronted him about what he was doing with me.. not sure that was a good idea ( i did not ask her to) and he said he liked me but may have freaked him out. I want so badly to talk to him about where we stand too.. and everyone keeps saying what everyone here is saying just talk about it and of course the fear is that you are afraid you will push them away. but, everyone is probably right that if you can't talk about this stuff then probably not going to work anyway. but, the stress of it is you wonder (overanalyze) if you don't say anything just yet and be cool and act like it does not bother you then maybe it will just naturally happen. grrr. ick the overanalyzing is the worse. I am being intimate with this guy and am thinking that I will need to ask these questions as a previous poster said because I can't be doing this if we are not at least on some level commited to this. I think I will have to have the dreaded talk too. good luck. post how it goes!
Author jidgey16 Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 ok so last night i tried to talk to him about where we stand and i said " i really really like you and I don't want to get hurt here" this is all i could muster out at the time...i got really nervous he replied with "i won't hurt you and im not a jerk at all...im not out to hurt you" it wasn't really the response that i was looking for at all...commitment phobe? or what?!
Guest - L Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Hey Good job. the fact that you mustered even the guts to say anything is really good be proud of yourself. Also, I kind of think his response was cute. I think that is guy language for yeah I like you too and I don't want to hurt you. I think it is a positive response. it could have been way worse he could have gone with the yeah I like you too but I am not really looking for anything right now. if you hear those words run don't walk out of that relationship. My update is yesterday he did not respond to my email.. ick. Then when I left work I tried to call his cell. did not pick up. I did not leave a voicemail. this morning he emailed me... but it is the most neutral email ever. he is not trying to set plans up or anything. next time (if) we get together I will be saying basically what you said.... " I really like you and I don't want to get hurt..." actually that might be all I can muster too. *sigh*
ls3360 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 it wasn't really the response that i was looking for at all...commitment phobe? or what?! I think he answered the question that you asked. If you want to know if he wants to be exclusive, you have to ask that. And at the point where you want the relationship to be exclusive, you have say that.
CaliGuy Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Asking where you stand is fair, especially if you're having sex. I have asked that question before and it's both helped and hurt relationships in the past. Depends on the other person and their expectations. However, if you need to do what is best for you. I don't see a problem with asking. It's better to know where you stand now than to have things dragged out to the point you are emotionally attached to this person and they are not meeting your needs.
Author jidgey16 Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 i definitly think you need to ask this guy what is going on...i think it is so funny writing on here...but my friends are SO SICK of hearing about this because I over analyze EVERYTHING!so ask him...i think we are definitly in the same kind of situation... after I asked him that and after he replied with what he said he said to me "you don't like me..." in a sarcastic way...and i was like yes i do...i thought that was wierd...like what the heck is that?!?! he is 5 years older than me and not acting like it at all...wierdo...anyway this is so funny we are even talking about this...i feel like i am in high school again...its just been so long since i've dated...i was in a looong relationship that ended about a year ago...so good luck with your asking!!
Guest Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 U Know What? I Was In That Situation Years Ago - And For Guys It Really Drives Them Bananas Because Most Decent Men 'dig U' On The 1st Date. For Me, The First Face To Face Is Exclusive Zone - If They Wanna Play The Field Not For Me - Besides You Date Someone Because U Like Them And Want To Be With Them. Next Time You Are Not Sure, Here's What To Do. Reach Down And Grab His Hand While U Are Walking And Lean Into Him - U'lll Know My His Response
Author jidgey16 Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 not sure if this can bring any insight to this dilema...but thie guy i have been talking to...his father passed away about 3 months ago...could this have an impact on the way he is in relationships?
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 Just keep the lines of communication open...The more you know what he thinks and feels, and you let him know what you think and feel the better off you both will be. Losing a parent, let alone his father, 3 months ago will affect his relationships. My suggestion is just take things slow and get to know him, spend time together, have fun and don't let it get too serious right now. I lost my father at age 23 and I had more or less just gotten involved with someone (who I am with now, my hubby) and it did affect us back then, which is why I am telling you to just take things slowly.
Guest - L Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Jidgey so I asked. We hung out on saturday at my house we had dinner and watched football. When we were hanging out after the game I was nervous but knew I wanted to ask. I said, " can I ask a question, what are we doing here?" he immediately change his whole demeanor and got frustrated and defensive and was like "what you want to define this... I have fun when I hang out with you, I am stressed out I have so much going on I am trying to get my stuff together I just bought a house and there is just a lot going on and I don't have a lot of time, I may only have one night a week to hang out with you." So, what I really wanted was just to know that we were not having 'fun' with other people. so I asked that and he got frustrated again and said " what do you think I am out having fun five times a week with other people..." So then it just kind of got weird from there and he left very shortly after. He said on the way out... that I need to patient and he will get there.... and that he feels like he is doing something wrong.. so... that could have gone better and I am more confused now then I was before!!!!!!
Author jidgey16 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Posted January 9, 2007 sounds like you just need to give him time...but i take it as a positive sign that he said that he will get there...thats good news!!! It means that he likes you and wants to continue seeing him...don't call him for a little see if he calls you!! but good job asking!! my situation got worse than before...we slept together 2 times after waiting for a month because he wanted to wait...now he doesn't call me as often as he used to...and no plans to see eachother...I was so used!!! I am pissed
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