marc from MI Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 ive posted about my breakup earlier but this is somewhat an update: On dec 30th the love of my life decided that she needed space. I was devistated . we decided to go 2 weeks no contact and then we would talk. Well i broke NC today and called her, i had to tell her a few things that i thought could not wait 2 weeks. I confessed to her that i didnt give her the attention that she needed and that i took her for granted toward the end. she told me that was only part of it, and that she has never lived on her own (she's 25) and she wanted to try it. She said she had alot to think about. I agreed that she needed to try this, and i asked her if the 2 weeks thing was off. she said just let me figure stuff out. so i took that as , yes the 2 week thing is out. she said that she wants me to get out and do stuff. (i worked from home and spent most of my time there) she also said that she doesnt want to lose contact with me and that she would like us to speak still. i said goodbye and told her that my door is always open for her to call, and that if/when she figures stuff out to call me. she said that there is lots of stuff that she loves about me and she apoligized for this happeneing but she just needed time alone . she also said that she is not wanting to pursue any other type of dating, she just needs time to figure stuff out. so at this point i realize that she wants to be alone to figure stuff out. I love this girl with all my heart. i also realize that nothing i say can help this situation (trust me ive tried it all). I roam the house wndering like i have somewhere to go but i dont, every couple of hours i break down into tears like a big baby. its uncontrollable at this point, how do i stop this? At this point, im Stuck. WHAT DO I DO? i know i have no control over her decision. i feel like my world has collapsed around me, i lost my job, lost my love, and im broke living at home with mom now. is it possible that she could realize whats gone and want me to come back home? if she does, will she have the guts to call me ? how do i cope with this? i feel EXTREMELY DEPRESSED about everything. I cant get my head straight. BTW: if anyone says "get over her , move on" , then please explain how exactly i go about that. ive tried to do stuff that i love to do, but everything reminds me of US.
gfto Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Sorry to hear all this, but I'm gonna be blunt. It's over. Everything she told you is classic code for "I am no longer interested in you." It has nothing to do with her needing to "figure things out," etc. So, how do you move on? Get back out on the field and start collecting new phone numbers! I've been in your shoes, and I can tell you from personal experience, the best thing to get you over one woman is a new woman! Works every time.
katty774 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I appreciated your post yesterday to me when I was feeling so lousy and appreciated your email address ( sent you an email but it came back) so I just wanted to tell you thanks. I don't know what makes us get over them or move on, maybe just time. I know how you are feeling. Just keep reminding yourself that if she is not hearing from you, she will have to wonder about you and she will have to contact you. I know I have no good advice but wanted you to know that I really appreciated your help yesterday.
Cub Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Well do what you love to do without thinking about the relationship. How you go about this depends on how strong a will you have, but if you want to take me for an example, I would only do things that I had to focus on to enjoy for the first month or so. Went to movies, played games, golfed; anything that I could use to keep my focus away from her. If, however, you do find yourself thinking about her and missing the relationship, with or without somethinig to distract you, just try to push her out of your head. It doesn't matter what you have to think about to get your mind off of her, everything works if you focus enough. You said you lost your job? Well, put all of your spare energy into finding another one. You won't get anything about feeling depressed and sorry for yourself. She doesn't care, or she wouldn't have left you like this. All you can do is move on and worry about yourself. There are enough things in life to worry about without having to feel depressed 24/7 over someone who threw you away.
notmakingsense Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Marc -- it's just going to take time. In your current state, you won't be attractive to her or any other woman. Broke and at home with mom, will not get you any dates either. I don't know all of the details, but I suspect that introversion, the decline of your self esteem, and placing too much of your happiness in her hands (or in the hands of the relationship) is what caused you to get to where you are. This is what you need to fix before you could ever hope to get her, or anyone else back again. Here's what I would do. Highest priority is to get a job and reconnect with your friends. Just have a good time with them. Remind yourself that there are people out there who like you. If you are short on friends, join some on-line communities that also have face-2-face meetings, join a gym, whatever -- just get out of the house. But -- that's on weekends and evenings. During the week, do what ever it takes to get a job, and save money so you can have your own apartment or at least share a place with a rommate. Just focus on YOU, she doesn't matter for now. She left the door open to communication, but don't use that. From now on, don't give her any hints that you are not doing well, and don't call and fake it either. Just go no-contact until you have really turned things around. Finally, if you think your depression is really severe (no sleep, no appetite, loosing weight, emotional, etc.) and time isn't healing while on no-contact, then see if you can see a councellor for some professional help to get you over the hump. Remember -- no contact until you think of yourself has hot shyt! Good luck!
starryeyez Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 im sorry about everything that has happend to you. I dont know exactly what your going through but i know somewhat and it sucks. The best advice i can give u is to let her have her space and try to keep busy it hasnt been long enough to know if you two are really over or not. Try and find a new job maybe take up a new hobbie, ive always danced but i decided to join a dance competition team dancing has alwayz helped me i can juss dance out any emotion im feeling, and it took up a lot of my time. Join a gym maybe to keep busy and when you arent busy try to realize the things you did wrong so you wont make those same mistakes in the future. Also its a good idea to at least try and get over her i dont know exactly how but its best to do that so if for some reason she tells you or you find out its over for good itll be easier for you to take and you will already be one step closer to moving on. Hang in there im sure things will get better.
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