theplastickid Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Ok my ex dumped me about 3 weeks ago, since the break up i have obviously had time on my own to take a step back and look at what had gone wrong. I know exactally what i did wrong, i was basically a bit of a control freak, and got a bit obsessive and addicted to her, eventually making her unhappy. I am meeting up with her on Friday and I am moving away on Monday to a different country (england -> ireland). When we broke up i was just a state begging and thinking i could not live without her etc... literally addicted to her which is what kinda cause the break up in the first place. I am now cool, calm and composed, i have got on with my life and realised I can infact live without her, although i do miss her... and life isn't as good, it is possible to live to see another day. I plan to just sit down with her in this cool calm manor so we can go over what went wrong. I will tell her i was basically obsessing over her and she was like a drug addiction but worse! And thank her for going cold turkey on my ass, as hard as it was. I still am hooked on her more than i should be (in a slightly unhealthy way you could say). So I will let her know that i am still going to go away. I still have a flat over here, and I would really love to come back and try to repair the specialness we once had. But I am still hooked on her and i have to go away for at least 2 more weeks until I can come back and be healthy again. Side note: i did no contact for 3 weeks and i called the meeting. not her... when i asked to speak to her she seemed a bit off and skeptical, but all i want to do is let her know that i know what the problem is and show her how i want to fix it. Because other than that we had the most amazing times together. What do you guys think?
Lostandfound Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Dont do it, your setting yourself up for disaster. If she had called the meet, and wanted to try and sort things out, well that would be different. But she dumped you remember, if her feelings havent changed there is nothing in the whole world you can do or say to change them back. Now believe me it isnt plain sailing when they call the meeting, this happened to me, when i met my ex for a meet that she wanted, it was clear to me that during the meet, that she had only arranged to confirm her decision to end things and to see if there was a chance she had a made a mistake in her own mind. I would leave this well alone if I were you, its like pushing water uphill with a fork
sunangel Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 If your relationship was really good besides the addiction, than i see nothing wrong with you having a mature conversation. Key word "MATURE"! Make sure to speak to her in a nice way and just say what comes from the heart. Unfortunately nothing in life is perfect and maybe you just had to be apart for a while for you to realize what that problem was.... Now that you know it's a great thing cause you can fix it and you never know if it might just bring you both back together. Good Luck and remember "What's meant to be will be". If the connection is there, things will flourish on their own. If not, Don't force it........
Author theplastickid Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 If your relationship was really good besides the addiction, than i see nothing wrong with you having a mature conversation. Key word "MATURE"! Make sure to speak to her in a nice way and just say what comes from the heart. Unfortunately nothing in life is perfect and maybe you just had to be apart for a while for you to realize what that problem was.... Now that you know it's a great thing cause you can fix it and you never know if it might just bring you both back together. Good Luck and remember "What's meant to be will be". If the connection is there, things will flourish on their own. If not, Don't force it........ Thank you. I could not of said this better myself. For 2 weeks all i have thought is "how could she do this!!!" but really she has done me the most massive faovour she could have ever done. I was so addicted to her it was unreal! I would of been better off on heroine. So at the same time i was destroying her and me. I am going to sit with her totally cool and composed and just go over the main problems, tell her i still need to go away for a few weeks because i am not going to risk pulling her into a relationship, where all of my weight will fall on her again. Say to her i understand how hard it must of been to crawl out from under me and say like when she is ready and i am ready she can stand beside me once again and i'll do my very best and if she can help in the form of better communication i will not fall on her again. I am also prepared to live my life and get on if she says no she wants to stay apart.
lorr Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Sorry but I agree with LostandFound! She dumped you for a reason, and whilst its good that you got to the root of the problem, that doesn't mean that you have to arrange any sort of meeting with her to dissect the relationship.Your ex understandbly is still freaked out by your behaviour, and you are not doing you and herself any favours. Its only been 3 weeks, and you obviously are still "hooked" on her, which you admit is slightly unhealthy. The best thing that you can do is leave her alone and let her get on with her own life. Your priority right now is focussing on the move.
Lostandfound Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Lorr, true words, maybe it is us Londoners who see the true light, lol What part of London are you in? Seriously though, what makes you think she wants to be pulled into a relationship again with you. If anyone is going to do the arranging to meet thing, it should be the one that ended it. If you see her regularly show her you have moved on, show her you can live and not be needy, this is the only way she will ever ome round. Face facts she ended it because she could not take any more, only she can change the situation not you. Sorry to be blunt but i would rather be honest than lead you up the garden path for another fall.
lorr Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 LMAO! He He He!!So true we londoners definetly in more ways than one see the light. With our council tax and other bills going up, the last thing we bloody need is a dead end relationship bringing us down. BTW from Highbury in North London....
Lostandfound Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 BTW from Highbury in North London.... Up the Gunners Im In North London too. email address is [email protected] or msn if you have [email protected] Council Tax, High Petrol Prices, Income Tax, the list goes on What we need is a brilliant and loving relationship to overcome all that lot.
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