yousaveme Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I was just thinking today. I was wondering what would bother a BS more the fact catching the H cheating again. OR Catching him cheating again with the woman you caught him with before. I know this question might seem weird or even cruel. But I was wondering. There seems to be alot of talk about the MM cheating again. You know the old say " Once a cheater always a Cheater". Well if that is true. Which of the above would bother the Wife more. And why...
peacelove Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I was just thinking today. I was wondering what would bother a BS more the fact catching the H cheating again. OR Catching him cheating again with the woman you caught him with before. I know this question might seem weird or even cruel. But I was wondering. There seems to be alot of talk about the MM cheating again. You know the old say " Once a cheater always a Cheater". Well if that is true. Which of the above would bother the Wife more. And why... Yousaveme, I guess since I am neither ( OW or BS) I am not able to answer. But can't wait to hear from those who are (OW & BS's)
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Well, I'ld say it's the same bag. Why does it matter who he's cheating with if he's cheating. Would an OW be bothered if the MM is sleeping with other women besides his wife? Probably no difference there either!
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I was just thinking today. I was wondering what would bother a BS more the fact catching the H cheating again. OR Catching him cheating again with the woman you caught him with before. I would figure he had some real feelings for the original OW, but if a MM cheats again on his wife with someone else, I would have to say he's either a serial cheater and can't help himself, or he just doesn't care about his wife, period.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 OR maybe he has REAL feelings for whom ever he happens to be with at the time. Surely the second OW is as exciting as the first. Why would it mean that he had feelings for one and not the other?
Author yousaveme Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 I see your point..But I was wondering if it would make a difference to the BS. Would you rather know that he was just cheating or would you rather know he was with the same one woman and really loved her. Im just curious I apologize in advance if this hurts someone. Well, I'ld say it's the same bag. Why does it matter who he's cheating with if he's cheating. Would an OW be bothered if the MM is sleeping with other women besides his wife? Probably no difference there either!
peacelove Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 According To The Bs's Here He's Just A Cake Eater And if the wife cheats, she's a cake eater also
Author yousaveme Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 That would be a serial cheater and they only really care about themselves.. OR maybe he has REAL feelings for whom ever he happens to be with at the time. Surely the second OW is as exciting as the first. Why would it mean that he had feelings for one and not the other?
Romeo Must Die Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Romeo and I broke-up (and made-up) a total of 4x over the affair, and each time he went back to OW. He felt his reputation was shot and no other woman around here would want him. He did not cheat while we were together. I know this because I hired a private investigator and asked friends for their help keep an eye on him at work. Usually the things that initiated our break-up were the things the OW did to interfere with our reconcilliation. * grafitti on our sons memorial, my name slandered on park tables * the letter to human services to get my kids taken away * vandalizing his vehicles (twice) and protecting her from the police * OW following me around all the time, drive by's & giving me the finger When it's the same OW, she is not the innocent party anymore. She has cruel intentions and this is why BW will go ballistic when they find out its you again. After D-day, she will see you as a person who is deliberately messing with her life and God help you then. As far as I'm concerned, everytime time he did that to me was just another betrayal. In answer to your other question, of course it bothers me to no end that it was the same OW and the reasons why are obvious. They just were not that obvious to him. Romeo was just stupid when it came to women. He would think that it was fate (or coincidence) if OW was at the post office at the same time he took a break from work. He took break at 10:00am everyday. He was predictable as the rain on a cloudy day. Later I told him that they write magazines for women every month on how on to catch a guy without his awareness and he was mad when he realized just how stupid he was to have fallen for her ruse.
herenow Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Would not matter one bit who he cheats with. If he cheats again, he is gone and who he has sex with would never be an issue for me again. But, as long as we are on the once a cheater always a cheater. When he cheats on the OW, would you be more upset if it was with his xW or with a new OW?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Would not make a difference to me YSM, I know who he loves, the rest can find out the hard way! I still though don't understand how he can't have equally wonderful desire and love for all OW in his life.
herenow Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I see your point..But I was wondering if it would make a difference to the BS. Would you rather know that he was just cheating or would you rather know he was with the same one woman and really loved her. Im just curious I apologize in advance if this hurts someone. But if he REALLY loved the OW, why would he go back to his wife in the first place? I know that you will say it's for the kids, but that has been discussed so much here, let's not go there. OK? In my opinion,, if a man REALLY loves a woman, he will find a way to make a real relationship work with her. But, as I always say, every situation is different. BTW, I don't find this question hurtful in the least. I'm sure that every BW has thought about what they would do if their H cheats again.
movinon05 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 And what if its the same woman for 7 yrs. Caught over and over again. With an OW who does not throw out the finger, trounce on anything, vandalize or threaten?
herenow Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 And what if its the same woman for 7 yrs. Caught over and over again. With an OW who does not throw out the finger, trounce on anything, vandalize or threaten? I'm not sure what this means, but any wife that stays with a man who has cheated with the same women for 7 years has obviously accepted it and made the decision to stay for whatever reason. As far as the man who stays married and continues an affair for seven years after getting caught over and over again, he seems to have it all, the wife and the OW. And as far as the OW, she has also accepted that he is not going to leave his wife and seems to have no problem being the OW for as long as the MM wants her. Boy that guy must be quite a catch for both women to be just fine sharing him like that. Unless, I don't understand the question (which is very possible) that is my opinion.
Romeo Must Die Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 The only reasons why Romeo got away with it were thus. He was irresponsible He had zero self esteem He blamed others for his problems He abused my trust He took advantage of me when I was down He lied to me, our children, and to the OW Its not an accomplishment to be a rat bastard. This is the duality of the cheating husband. The WS has to lie to and manipulate both parties to achieve a 7 year LTA. He promises wife he is being a good husband while promising OW he will get a divorce and borrow himself more time. To each woman he claims he does not want the other and he keeps them in limbo, otherwise it is agreeable to two or more parties. IE HOW or insecure/sheltered BW. It's a safe little fantasy world he created and that is how he falsely gained control, otherwise he wouldnt have had any control at all. This is why OW or BW should get smart and learn about affairs because you cannot give a WS control of your life. It's like giving a drunk driver (repeat offender) the keys to your car with the kids in it. MM/WS is not in control. But you are. You have to trust yourself more than you trust him.
NoIDidn't Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Are you asking this question to gauge what might happen in your sitch if and when she finds out again? The people here are not her, nothing anyone here says is really going to be worth much to you. A cheating H is a cheating H. It matters not who he is cheating with or even for how long. It does say a lot about him and his OW though if they are both willing to put up with this kind of R for extended periods of time. I assume the question assumes that the W didn't know that the A resumed after the first discovery, so it can't be claimed later that the W just turned a blind eye or accepted the situation. I would love to be able to say that I would D my H if he cheated again, with or without the same OW. But I can't make such an absolute statement. Even though it seems the strong, confident woman thing to do. I can't. Too many variables to consider. Heck, I might be having my own A, since one should "never say never".
Author yousaveme Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 I didnt ask this question to gauge anything that would happen with me and my relationship. Like you said SHE isnt here. And like HN has mentioned every situtation is different. I was just wondering thats as simple as that. I thought some BW would have some insight on this , since I am sure they have thought about it somewhat after catching their H. Are you asking this question to gauge what might happen in your sitch if and when she finds out again? The people here are not her, nothing anyone here says is really going to be worth much to you. A cheating H is a cheating H. It matters not who he is cheating with or even for how long. It does say a lot about him and his OW though if they are both willing to put up with this kind of R for extended periods of time. I assume the question assumes that the W didn't know that the A resumed after the first discovery, so it can't be claimed later that the W just turned a blind eye or accepted the situation. I would love to be able to say that I would D my H if he cheated again, with or without the same OW. But I can't make such an absolute statement. Even though it seems the strong, confident woman thing to do. I can't. Too many variables to consider. Heck, I might be having my own A, since one should "never say never".
movinon05 Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I'm not sure what this means, but any wife that stays with a man who has cheated with the same women for 7 years has obviously accepted it and made the decision to stay for whatever reason. As far as the man who stays married and continues an affair for seven years after getting caught over and over again, he seems to have it all, the wife and the OW. And as far as the OW, she has also accepted that he is not going to leave his wife and seems to have no problem being the OW for as long as the MM wants her. Boy that guy must be quite a catch for both women to be just fine sharing him like that. Unless, I don't understand the question (which is very possible) that is my opinion. Well, while that could be one way to look at it, its not really the way this situation went down. But I'm not up to reliving it again! Nothing personal, I guess I was just asking, because to me, while the W fights it all those years, she has to realize there is more there than just a fling. I would think the OW was quite a threat if he kept leaving for the OW (even tho he came back - for whatever reason was good at the time). And this OW only went along with it because of the promises of the MM, not because she was happy being the OW and accepting it. But I have to laugh. I'm sure MM thought himself he must be quite a catch to have two women who wanted him so much. Too bad he overestimated his power in the end. His new tokens of affection fell on deaf ears.
Guest Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 For the husband to cat around with a bunch of other women...then he is just probably a dog wanting sex. If he keeps going back to the origional woman that he cheats with - there is some type of emotion/feeling there - and THAT would be more hurtful to the wife. A wife can try to compete with something physical - but how can she fight against possibly "love?"
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