herenow Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Hypothetical question for OW. What if you had an affair with a MM and he decided to try and make his marriage work. A while went by and his wife had an affair and left the MM for her OM. The MM comes back to you for friendship and sympathy and since you still have feelings for him, you still care about him. So, what are your feelings about what the wife did?
oyster Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 well sounds like you are second best for your MM. What the wife did was pure revenge to him. Hurt him more and she had the guts to leave and not hang on.
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Hypothetical question for OW. What if you had an affair with a MM and he decided to try and make his marriage work. A while went by and his wife had an affair and left the MM for her OM. The MM comes back to you for friendship and sympathy and since you still have feelings for him, you still care about him. So, what are your feelings about what the wife did? I think I'd be thanking her...
Author herenow Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 well sounds like you are second best for your MM. What the wife did was pure revenge to him. Hurt him more and she had the guts to leave and not hang on. Purely hypothetical oyster. I have no intentions of cheating on my husband. I was just wondering how people would feel about the wife is she decided to did what OW want the MM to do.
norajane Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 It's not what the wife did that would be my concern; it's what the MM did. He chose to make his marriage work and end the affair. Now that his wife dumped him, he comes crawling back to OW. So he's not choosing the OW - he's hurt and lonely and is seeking someone who will make him feel better. Once again, it's all about HIM, isn't it? The OW's hurt - presumably she was hurt when he ended the affair and remained in his marriage - is being swept under the rug in favor of HIS feelings.
Author herenow Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 I think I'd be thanking her... Thank you for being honest.
Author herenow Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 It's not what the wife did that would be my concern; it's what the MM did. He chose to make his marriage work and end the affair. Now that his wife dumped him, he comes crawling back to OW. So he's not choosing the OW - he's hurt and lonely and is seeking someone who will make him feel better. Once again, it's all about HIM, isn't it? The OW's hurt - presumably she was hurt when he ended the affair and remained in his marriage - is being swept under the rug in favor of HIS feelings. Very good point!
GreenEyedLady Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I don't know about what I think about what the W did...maybe she realized that it was over between her and the H and she found someone to be happy with...or maybe it would be for revenge...but if it's for revenge, it wouldn't last and she would probably high-tail it back to her H...or it wouldn't last and she would be free to pursue happiness on her own...
Freedom Now Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I also don't know what I what think about the wife's actions, but I would question the MM's actions. Sounds like he would be using the OW as an emotional crutch.
Author herenow Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 What I'm asking is: Do you think what the wife did was wrong? Also, for the sake of this question, let's say that she didn't do it out of revenge, she just did it because she met someone new and decide to leave her marriage.
Freedom Now Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I think the timing is wrong. She should have left FIRST before pursuing a relationship with another man. Yes, affairs are WRONG, any way you slice it. People need to get themselves FREE before they pursue another relationship, but we all know that is not reality for lots of people.
yousaveme Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I dont even know how to answer this question. I never thought I would be a OW. I guess anything is possible and you never know what the future holds.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I think that the H & W should be faithful to each other and if they're not happy, to either work on the M or end the M...So is it wrong? Yes, I would have to say so, but I don't think it really matters in the long run...who's really to judge? Who made themselves the "Morality Police?" The eyes of society are full of different views and it can be argued different ways...people have ways of JUSTIFYING anything... People try to do the best they can and end up making horrible mistakes that hurt themselves and others...the only thing we can do is try to make better choices in the future and make it up to the ones we love...IMO
Meredith63 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Is the question "is she justified" in having an A because her H did? Yes, she is wrong for having an A. As was her H in having the A. Just because something is wrong doesn't mean that it doesn't still happen. And, just because we know something is wrong, does not mean we still don't do it, sadly.
movinon05 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 If he came back, I'd say "take a hike." If she cheated on him, well it wouldn't really matter what my opinion is. But if she did, honestly, I just don't care. I don't care what choices they make anymore. Its not my life, its someone else's life. I'm not gonna judge anyone. Although, having said that, I'd have to laugh, since she tried to ruin my life for having the A with her H. It would then become the pot calling the kettle black.
puddleofmud Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 If he came back, I'd say "take a hike." If she cheated on him, well it wouldn't really matter what my opinion is. But if she did, honestly, I just don't care. I don't care what choices they make anymore. Its not my life, its someone else's life. I'm not gonna judge anyone. Although, having said that, I'd have to laugh, since she tried to ruin my life for having the A with her H. It would then become the pot calling the kettle black. I would also laugh and send him packing because I wouldn't CARE what his wife did or did not do; why or why not... Also, at that point I would pretty much sum up the entire marriage as two really messed up people who need help and not from little ol' me.
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