JimJ Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 My recent GF told me just the other day that she had an abortion when she was 19. It happened during the first year of 8 that she was with her ex. She is the first real relationship i've had and for some reason this news makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess it's the thought of another man have impregnated her or something. Am i being irrational here or is it ok to feel this way? How do i get over this?
amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 . Am i being irrational here or is it ok to feel this way? How do i get over this? I've heard of some men having problems having sex with their wives after childbirth. They also lose appeal for breasts somewhat if their wives nurse their babies. I think it has something to do with seeing that something that was once sexual become functional. Some guys get turned off by the thought of that.
norajane Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Can you provide more information? Are you jealous that another man impregnated her? Do you want to have children with her and feel bad that she had already been pregnant before with someone else's baby? Do you feel like she is somehow "damaged goods"?
crazy_grl Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Unless your feelings stem from moral objections, then it's probably something irrational that you can learn to deal with. A good first step is putting some thought into questions like what norajane has asked.
Author JimJ Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 I think it is mostly jealousy that another man impregnated her, the thought of it just disturbs me slightly. She says to me that it was 8 years ago and that its not a big deal to her cos it was dealt with then and there in the past and that she doesn't understand y it bothers me so much. I was a virgin before i met her but i knew that she'd been with guys before and i knew about her previous 8 year relationship. The abortion thing just came out of the blue tho and totally surprised me. Because i have no 'past' and she does, espcially one such as hers where she was impregnated by a guy and was practically married to him, it just makes me really insecure and think that i'm nothing special to her. I'm not her first partner, i'm not her first love, i'm not her first anything. I know this probably all sounds pathetic and petty, but i can't help feeling this way.
Jeffrey Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I would imagine that she'd had much more to deal with and get over with this issue than you ever will. Everyone has a past and everyone makes mistakes, why something that happened so long ago makes you uncomfortable, I don't know. Getting over it? That's easy, you can't change what's already happened. Accept it. My recent GF told me just the other day that she had an abortion when she was 19. It happened during the first year of 8 that she was with her ex. She is the first real relationship i've had and for some reason this news makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess it's the thought of another man have impregnated her or something. Am i being irrational here or is it ok to feel this way? How do i get over this?
Jeffrey Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 --- I'm not her first partner, i'm not her first love, i'm not her first anything. --- You also just might be the first person she's shared that with and that my insecure friend, is a very good sign. That you're feeling this way is ok, just don't display those insecurities to her, it won't help.
amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 --- I'm not her first partner, i'm not her first love, i'm not her first anything. --- You also just might be the first person she's shared that with and that my insecure friend, is a very good sign. That you're feeling this way is ok, just don't display those insecurities to her, it won't help. Not only that, be glad you weren't the first one she had an abortion with. I wonder if she can really think fondly of him at all anymore. That's a bad association, IMO.
norajane Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Google 'retroactive jealousy' and read all about it. That you never had prior relationships and were a virgin is a big part of why you can't understand how people are capable of leaving the past in the past and moving on. Even though she had other relationships - even that serious, long term one - she can move on and not think about it anymore. You may also be jealous that she's had more experience than you. If you can't deal with that, you might as well end the relationship and don't date anyone who isn't a virgin or who hasn't had only one past relationship.
Author JimJ Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 Thank you all for your swift feedback. I really think my lack of experience in relationships plays a big part in what i'm feeling. I know that i can't change the past and i know that i shouldn't let things like that bother me. It's just helps to hear other people tell u those things sometimes. She doesn't seem to be hung up on the past so i guess i shouldn't be either. Think i just have to try and draw a line at these issues and move on.
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 What counts now is the present, not her past. YOU are the one she's with, and things are the way they're supposed to be. Think of it this way, if she had that child, you wouldn't be in her life now... Remember too, her past is what makes her who she is today. Try not to let her past upset you, if you can't let go of it and it upsets/bugs you, the relationship isn't going to grow into something more...
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