Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 So a question for you all... I am having a situation w/ my BF (ex?)of 6 months . I was wondering if anyone had any advice for how to respond if they do come back...Right before Christmas we had fight I guess. It was more like I was mad at him because he waits till the last minute to make plans (or tell me about plans he has made for us) and I end up feeling like an idiot for not knowing what’s going on. So here’s the story- I went to happy hour with friends ended up pretty sauced and when he finally showed up he wanted to go to the movies with his brother and girlfriend who I had never met. I should have said no, I wasn’t in the mood and I was upset with him for doing this again and I admit I am not the most mature person when it comes to drinking and communicating. But I decided to go because it would be our last chance to see each other until after the holidays. So I went- it was uncomfortable. He was clearly irritated with me and me with him. I didn’t speak to him very much but he still wanted to come over and spend the night and he drove me to the airport the next morning. When I left him at the curb I told him I loved him and he nodded… not the response the makes insecurities diminish. So over the next few days, I didn’t hear from him. I called him on Christmas and had a 1 minute conversation with him. He had spontaneously decided to go to Florida with his pals. That’s fine- he certainly doesn’t need my permission to go, but I asked him to let me know when he was coming home. He didn’t. I texted him on Thursday after hearing from some mutual friends he was coming home- he responded “Yup at the airport.” I saw him briefly that night, but he was clearly being very cool towards me. He didn’t ask me about my holiday and he didn’t tell me anything about his trip. Friday after work I called him to find out what he was up to, he told me that he was having dinner with his brother but if I wanted to drop by to see him at work, he would be there Friday, Saturday and Sunday (which he hadn’t told about this work schedule ahead of time either and we had had plans on Saturday). I didn’t contact him Friday or Saturday, but I stopped by to see him on Sunday night and again he was very cool and he didn’t say he would call me or see me later in the week which isn’t like him. So now it’s Wednesday and I haven’t heard from him. He hasn’t said “the words” but it really feels like that’s what he’s implying so I’ve decided I will not contact him and I will not chase after him or pursue him in any way. But this is leading to some doubts. First, is no contact in this case the way to go? I don’t want to push him away, but I also don’t want him to think he can punish me through limited contact into allowing him to continue this pattern of non-communication and disrespect. Does that make sense? To not communicate to show someone that not communicating is wrong. And also I think I’ve made it clear in the limited contact we have had in the last couple of days that I am open to discussing things with him. But I feel like he needs to really miss me before he is going to be open to making this change in his behavior. I have told him that he may act this way with his guy friends and they don’t care, but I do. Second, if he does call what should I do and say? Ignore the first call? And if I do respond, I don’t want to appear angry and irritated because I want to appear aloof and composed so that it appears he doesn’t have control of any sort over my emotions. However on the other hand, I don’t want to think this sort of behavior is in any way ok with me and I am afraid if I don’t address he will think its pushed under the rug.
norajane Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Don't contact him. Why should you? It's not as if he is acting in any way like he wants to talk with you or see you. You've tried several times. That's enough. If he does contact you, then you have to be honest with him and tell him how he's been making you feel with his lack of communication. This issue won't go away unless you address it. You may end up breaking up, but isn't it better to know than to remain in limbo indefinitely?
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I'm just so frustrated. Usually when someone wants to break up there are some signs of impending doom. Here there was one incident. In fact he was even more caring and attentive right before this happened. I just can't believe that he doesn't even have the guts to say that its over after 6 months. Is that because he's not sure yet or because he really is a coward? And I'm not saying that its all up to him... even with a heavy dose of appologizing but there's no closure what so ever at this point and its this limbo feeling that I hate.
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