annee Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I guess i just got myself into big trouble. As those of you who have read my posts( cheating flirting and jealousy)know my husband wants me to accept his emotional affair with another woman. Well i got tired of talking about it cos i realised that it would not make any difference. Well last week i got very miserble and needed to vent and went to talk to a woman at my office who is real good with me when am miserable. Well one thing led to another and we ended up spending the night together having sex in her hotel room(we were both away working). We are both married and not lesbians but it was a nice sexual release and i liked it. We have gotten closer since. The problem is that i dont feel guilty and i am wondering if i am losing my mind. I still love my husband but i must admit that i dont really care anymore if he has an affair or not. I dont see this thing with this woman going anywhere but i cant get my mind off her touch and how it made me feel. Should i tell my husband? Maybe if i did i would be forced to stop these overwhelming feelings for this woman. Maybe i am just sex starved and any sexual attention would do. I dont know what to think. Can someone help me clarify my muddled thoughts.
WhisperingWillow Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Even if regular penetration has not happened it's still cheating. You slept with another person (ie in this case a woman). Yes you need to own up and tell your husband. This might make or break your marriage. It might also alert him to your needs and vice versa. We all make mistakes now and again. I would advise marriage counseling for you both and maybe some individual counseling for yourself. Even if you're not lesbian you have at the very minimal bi tendencies, which nothing is wrong with that, but you can't exercise that in a marriage unless you're both in agreement on it and can handle it. In which most cases can not as it's a form of CHEATING. So own up to it, get the counseling, and I hope you have good results.
BeenAround_N_Back Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I think you owe your husband the truth. Maybe you are infatuated with the lady coworker there so your energy and emotions are directed toward her instead of your husband?
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Just wanted to say you are brave to post about this. I have no right answer- I have just emailed a councelor because I am so d...promiscuous, and don't know how to stop it. My mum told me once that she cheated on my dad- had an affair- and she said she wish she had never told him- and he says he wish he had never known... (?)
Author annee Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 My mum told me once that she cheated on my dad- had an affair- and she said she wish she had never told him- and he says he wish he had never known... (?) Well i sorta feel the same way about telling. There are problems in our marriage and every one says tell him but i am too scared of the consequences. I tried again last night to tell him but i looked at his face and the rage my telling my cause and blurted out something about work instead. I have an appointment to see a counselor next week maybe i can start sorting out the issue in my head. My husband is very quick to use things you say against you possible scenarios are him telling the kids and our friends i turned lesbian(which is not true). All these possibilities run through my head every day and i guess that is more tormenting than working with a woman i am attracted to.
Author annee Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 I think you owe your husband the truth. Maybe you are infatuated with the lady coworker there so your energy and emotions are directed toward her instead of your husband? Unfortunately i have to disagree my energy and emotions have been on my husband all the time. He on the other hand is emotionally distant cos he is having an emotional affair with anothe woman. I dont get any emotions back from him including any to do with sex. We are in a LDR and sex is not often anyway but he is with me now and its still not happening. Forget about all the ways to get a man interested. I have tried them all. He just isnt!
azera Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 I wouldn't tell him at all if I was u. I got caught having an affair and even thou my husband cheated on me he couldn't handle the fact that I cheated on him. If I had to do it all over again I would have denied everything. Its been a year and he still is a pain in the ass, he is so jealous that I cant take it anymore. Ive been married for 26 yrs and we have 4 kids together. He really should give up his emotional affair.
Author annee Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 I wouldn't tell him at all if I was u. I got caught having an affair and even thou my husband cheated on me he couldn't handle the fact that I cheated on him. If I had to do it all over again I would have denied everything. Its been a year and he still is a pain in the ass, he is so jealous that I cant take it anymore. Ive been married for 26 yrs and we have 4 kids together. He really should give up his emotional affair. I can forsee my husband being a pain for years as well azera but i am just too confused right now. Am being told do the right thing tell him. But this afternoon i was wondering if anyone really knows what the right thing is and whtas the use of the right thing if people including my kids will get hurt?
GreenEyedLady Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Don't tell him...just don't do anything else with the lady... But you really should do something about the state of your M...if you don't care if he has an A, maybe you should explore that a little...you say that you love your H, but your actions and thoughts don't really support that all that much...Have you been to counseling? It seems like counseling is the only way to help this situation get better...
LakesideDream Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Well, it's the 21st Century for sure. You are concerned about your husband having an "emotional affair" (if there is such a thing) and decide the best way to deal with it is to have an pleasant evening of carpet munching. Turn it around and stand in your husbands shoes, how would you deal with him doing the same? Your husbands behavior cannot truely bother you very much, as your response indicates. Why not just call it quits and start over again with new partners? You need to spread your value system to a larger segment of the population.
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