Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Here is a brief history... married to DH 10 years. I have never really felt loved so much. Think I just wanted someone to be there (physically, like beside me on the couch), and he was. I mean I loved/love him, but I am so lonely with him. After 4 miscarriages, we had 2 beautiful girls. He is a good dad, except when he says/does some inappropriate things. He was doing some horrible things there for a while. Like showed up for ultrasound appointment after being out all night and reaking of alcohol. Throwing food against the wall, knocking holes in walls. I'm not a saint. We both got a bit physical before the babies came. Found out a year and a half ago that he had been doing meth(speed) for 1 year seriously and 4 years total. I was completely shocked and appaulled. I had questioned him several times about drugs and he denied. I always thought he would tell me the truth. He stopped using, but never went to any kind of rehab (like I told him he must or I was leaving). We have been in marriage counseling for over a year now. It has done some good as far as being able to be around each other, and my hate has subsided. But, I do not feel like I love him anymore. He is not the same. He sits on the couch a lot. He has no patience. He litters even after he knows it drives me crazy. (I know that seems weird, but I hate it). It's like our values are clearly different now. But, I am so scared to end the marriage. Scared of what it will do to the girls. I don't want to live in a marriage like this, of convenience. I want love. He does not kiss me. Unless I complain a lot. He never has much after we married. He really is a pretty selfish person. I'm so scared of the control I am going to lose with the girls if we divorce.
marlena Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 My personal opinion is that you will be doing much more harm to your girls if you allow this man to be a part of their lives than if you provide a peaceful and stable home to them. He is definitely not the role model you want to give to your girls. It will do irreparable damage to their psyche and mental/emotional health. Not to mention what it will do to yours. Then your daughters will have two dysfunctional parents to cope with or rather not be able to cope with. Take them under your wings and cuddle there the three of you. One of the main reasons I divorced my husband is that I saw what the marriage was doing to my little girl. Today she is 23 years old, a lawyer, happy and stable with a cheerful outlook....You can do it.
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Marlena, Thanks so much for responding to my "really bad" posting. I was all over the place. You are so right. I do not want my girls to repeat what I have gone through. My father has been physically, but mostly emotionally abusive to my mother for 45 years. She periodically says she is going to leave, but does not. Most of the time she is happy (on the outside), but suffers. She lives in denial. She lives knowing that any minute that man will turn on her and tell her what an idiot she is. I have had to deal with so many issues... I've been in counseling/psychiatrist for 15 years, trying to deal with these issues. And now this. The marriage counselor said that I am so used to living under constant stress that it is hard for me to choose to be alone and live peacefully. I go into panic mode, like I have no one... but, I have two beautiful girls that love me dearly. I'm going to do this. I don't want them to have to live in a dysfunctional household like I did... My personal opinion is that you will be doing much more harm to your girls if you allow this man to be a part of their lives than if you provide a peaceful and stable home to them. But, my husband will be a part of their lives. That's part of my fear. I fear his judgement. I fear that he will have them with him and drive drunk or high. I fear the next woman that my husband will choose as his wife. My girls will have to be around them. I lose control. That scares me.
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