orangele Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I am a middle-aged male, and will soon be having my LD GF move in with plans for marriage in the very near future. I have been completely up-front with her regarding my relatively few past relationships. The question I have is regarding photos which I have of my Ex-wife, and Ex-GF. My GF tends to get a bit jealous of any mention of my EX's, so I suspect she may not like the fact that I keep photos of these people. What should I do with these photos? I have decided for sure to keep photos of my Ex-wife, since I think that my son may want to see them one day. My last GF and I parted on very good terms, and I think it would be nice to look back on photos of us one day. I think I should simply pack up all these photos together and put them away. I will not purposefully hide them (why, there is nothing to hide), but at the same time, I do not have any of these photos displayed either. If my GF asks me to dispose of these photos, I will tell her that these people were a part of my life, and do not intend to throw these photos away. How have others handled this issue, which I am sure has occurred before.
boshemia Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Very good... I'm impressed with your self respect. Your girl however needs a bit of self-esteem. I'm positive my husband has pictures of his ex's. I know he has letters from them because he told me. In the five years we have been together I've never seen them nor wanted to... We are married, and have moved four times and I wouldn't even know where they are... sigh... freedom... At the same time... I can tell you everything my ex had from one of his ex's, I can tell you the inventory of his wallet at any given time. I didn't trust him plain and simple. I couldn't trust him, and so things like that really bothered me. You might want to discuss it with her before hand, and if she has a major problem with it you might tell her that you need to wait a bit before moving in together, you need more time to iron things out. Especially concerning your ex-wife. My kids deserve to have pictures of their father... What if something happened to him? If nothing else, when they grow up they need to have things like that. You can't wipe an exwife out of existence, especially if you have kids. Those people are part of your past and thus a part of who you are. You deserve to keep some memories of them around. On the otherhand if you spend a lot of time looking at them, or if the pics are like nudes or something lol... then I'd have a problem too. lol
Curmudgeon Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I gave all the pictures I had of the ex to our children. They were not something I wanted hanging around the house. Memories suffice but rarely surface and only in conjunction with the children. I'm sure my wife appreciates that. The ex is not a topic of discussion in our home and we both like it that way. It's an individual preference.
SimpleMrT Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I think it would as depend on this pictures them selves. I had a G/F who pretty much told me to get rid of some high school pictures of me at a HomeComing, Winterfest, Prom ...all with different dates. One of the dates was a close friend who died shortly after the Ex told me to get rid of the pictures.... I should have never listened to her...those were good times and memories. And if they are pictures of an EX spouse..and you have kids I would save them and give them to children.
Craig Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Put them all in off-site storage and keep them there. Photographs have a strange way of disappearing when accessible by a jealous insecure SO.
Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I'm possibly playing devils advocate here, but i think i would like to give the opinion of someone who has had trouble with photos. I know my bf has kept many pictures of people he has slept with. Some of these pictures i can deal with, but there are a couple of girls who i would consider as 10 zillion times better looking than me. I try not to make this an issue with m boyfriend, but inside I feel like im suffocating. Its basic instincts for a woman to want to attract the mate (therefore want to look beautiful). When woman sees more beautiful womn who have attracted her mate, the world comes tumbling down. I agree with other comments regarding children. I know that your kids would want pictures of their mum. But with regards to short relationships or flings, realise that even if your lady finds these pictures and doesnt say a thing, it could well do her a lot of damage (as ithas done me) and my relationship with my boyfriend doesnt quite feel the same. Im so sorry to say these things, but I would probably scrap the other :/ Lj
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I can understand her not wanting them out on display, but in all honesty, she has no right to ask you to throw them out. You have a child with your ex, so therefore those pictures are valuable. Put them in a box in a closet, or attic - I don't see why you have to put them in storage and PAY for them to be away from your house "just incase" your soon to be wife goes nuts and shreds up your photos from your past... which leads me to this. Those pictures are part of your past, not your present. Your experiences, your relationships have helped you be the person you are now. I hope she sees this, and isn't jealous too much. What counts is the NOW. And the now is - She is in your life, not your ex's.
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I think some people believe that by telling you to trash pictures of your ex's they are effectively erasing your history. You can't erase your past! You are who you are BECAUSE of your experiences! Now if someone in your life had treated you horribly or if you were involved in a toxic relationship, I do agree that disposing of those pictures would be wise. But if you had happy or meaningful experiences with someone, by all means, find a safe place to keep the pictures. They don't need to be on display, but they certainly should be saved as a record of the life you experienced. I save most all my pictures. I have some pictures of ex's that bring bittersweet memories, but I am happy to recount what I learned from each and every relationship I've been in
Recommended Posts