stillbits12 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I've been dating a guy for 3 months now. We've seen each other almost everyday and talked to each other everyday since we first met. We both obviously like each other a lot. Since meeting, the longest we were apart was for less than a week, and it drove us both crazy. When we saw each other, the passion and emotions were all over the place. I've never felt this way about anyone else. He makes me laugh, feel special, and is just altogether a great person to be with, esp after a long, stressful day. However, from the beginning, he has definitely been more into this relationship than I've been. It's not like I'm not into him but it's just that I'm studying abroad in Europe for the next 5 months and so I didn't want to commit to anything for fear of getting hurt by him or being the one to hurt him if either one of us screws up. There was a time when he kept talking about us being together in the future and it was really scaring me, so I confronted him. He definitely made an effort not to pressure me into anything because he said he understood my situation. However, a week ago, he made another comment about being relationship, and it freaked me again. I confronted him, and he said he understood that our situation was very confusing and that he also wanted to take it easy and see how things were between us after I got back. He is starting his job at a law firm in the fall when I return to school for my last year, so we are going to have separate lives, in that I will be on a student's schedule and he will be working 15-hr work days. I'm hesitant of committing to this relationship for fear of what will happen when I'm away -- either one of us could screw up -- and whether this relationship has potential even after I return. By not committing to this relationship, am I doing the right thing? Because I feel so much for him and wish so badly that I could call myself his girlfriend and him my boyfriend, but I'm just scared of what might happen.
sb129 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 This is a tough one. Will you be finishing school in the same town as his law firm? Is there any possibility that it could logistically work and he wants it to as well? Five months in Europe is a long time to not see eachother. LDRs only succeed if you both want them to, and are able to put equal effort into making them work. When you are finishing school, and he is at his law firm job, it is going to be tough enough to get to see your friends near where you are.... The time in your early to mid twenties when we graduate and start our first jobs is make or break for loads of relationships. Its a period of excitement, change and upheaval and sadly alot of relationships don't make it. Personally, if I had that time of my life again, I would be single. Oh hold on, I was. My ex and I broke up because of a very similar situation. But to be honest, life was so full of changes and potentially exciting things, it made getting over it much easier. There will be many other guys. And if this one is the one, maybe you will bump into him further down the line when the timing is right for you to have a relationship.
Author stillbits12 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 Will you be finishing school in the same town as his law firm? Is there any possibility that it could logistically work and he wants it to as well? Yes, after he graduates this Spring, he will be working downtown, so I will only be a few subway stops away from his apartment when I return for my last year of college. I'm just afraid of the differences in our schedule. Even though we are both trying to be casual about everything, there have been hints from both of us about juggling our student-lawyer schedules. I think it's obvious to both of us that we want to make it work after I return but we're both afraid of what the next 5 months will bring, so we're trying to just go with the flow. I'm more apprehensive though for some reason. I guess I just don't want to get hurt if I put all of myself into this and then it turns out that it doesn't work. Because I also realize that this is a huge risk as he's transitioning out of the student lifestyle and I'm not. Anyway, thank you for your response. I'm taking that you approve of taking things casually and seeing how things are when I return from Europe? If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, right?
sb129 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I agree, see how things are when you get back from Europe. You should relax and enjoy your time there. But you and your guy need to both be clear about what it will mean if one of you meets someone else, or if something casual were to happen when you were away- because it could cause hurt and resentment if one of you is under the wrong impression. Talk to him! Most guys respond well to straight up no nonsense conversation! Its good that you will be in the same area after you get back, that makes it alot easier should you both still have the same feeling when you return. Don't worry about being on different schedules- after university most couples are on different work schedules (my BF gets a crazy 10+ weeks holiday a year- so unfair!) and they make it work. And if it is meant to be- great. If not, you are at the BEST stage of your life for meeting men. Trust me it keeps getting harder once those university/ internship/ travelling days are over. Sigh.
Author stillbits12 Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 Thanks so much for the reassurance, sb129! Sometimes a girl's just gotta hear something to make sure it's ok, y'know? We've had conversations in the past months about how we were going to handle the time while I'm away. He has said that he wouldn't be upset and would definitely understand if I were to date other people, as long as I was honest with him. He also said that he would be honest and tell me if he was starting to see other people but he wasn't going to actively seek out anyone else. I told him I wasn't going to actively seek anyone else out either. We're both maintaining a casual yet honest attitude towards our relationship. It is the best way to go about it, right? Thanks again!
sb129 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I agree yes its the best way to go about it. Having done the whole travelling thing before, I think you will be too busy with new experiences to actively seek out a guy. Sure, you will get alot of interest from the opposite sex- but its usually from other travellers who only want casual sex etc, so if thats not your bag, thats all good. (sounds like it isn't, and i wouldn't recommend it either I have been burnt once by the foreign romance thing). FIve months will fly by. I am in a LDR right now- we live a 3hour train ride apart. In july I am moving to be with him, so that time had better damn fly by!!! Good luck.
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