konfuzd Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Ok, so my dating life in 2006 was like a broken record. Girl meets boy, boy charms girl, girl falls for boy, boy dissapears without word, girl sits at home heartbroken and lonely... I want 2007 to be different. I met a new boy at the beginning of December. My friend wanted to set me up with him, but I resisted. Oddly enough, I ended up meeting him through another friend anyways, and we hit it off on our own without the pressure of the blind date/setup. We ran into eachother at a party the following weekend, and he asked me out. The first date went very well, so we went out again 4-5 times in the next couple weeks before I went away for Christmas. I had him over before I left, and we slept together. As we were laying in bed, he said to me, "I don't know what I would want out of a relationship" I was kind of caught off guard, didn't know whether he was just trying to bring up the relationship aspect, or if he was trying to put a halt to any attachment. I kind of assumed the latter, so I said, "let's not worry about that now, it's still so soon, I am happy with how things are going, so let's just roll with it for now" he then went on to say how happy he was, listed a bunch of qualities he liked in me, and said, "you are such a good find". I still assumed he was thinking in a FWB sense, and since I had been celibate for a year prior, I was okay with that, and really wasn't looking to get back into the same old cycle. On our first date, he had mentioned that he was going away with friends for new years, I already had plans with my friends (one of which was the one who wanted to set us up) so, I didn't expect to see him. Before I went away, he said he was going to come back early and spend New Years at home. I couldn't help but think it might have something to do with me, just the tone of his voice, although he didn't outright say it. It was my birthday while I was away, and he sent me a txt to say happy bday. As soon as I got back into town, I checked my voicemail, and he had left a message to see if I wanted to get together that night. My plane was 2 hours late, and very turbulent, so I was tired and grumpy, and told him I wasn't up for it. He then asked if I was going out with him on New Years, so we made plans to go to a party with our mutual friends together. When I got there, he gave me a big hug, and said he missed that, and he gave me a bday present. I told him he wasn't supposed to get me anything, and he said, "of course I did". We had an awesome evening, and again spent the night together, and most of the following day. Again, I can feel myself falling for this guy, but I'm so scared to chase him away, and fall into the same trap I have so many times in the past. I would really like to have something stable, how do I keep his interest so he'll stick around longer than a month or two?
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Simple. Have healthy boundaries. I would say "Don't rush the relationship" but you've already slept with him. That's why I think sex so early in the relationship is bad. There are automatically expectations when sex is involved. Dr. Dobson likes to say "Never let a relationship take off like a rocket, for it is sure to come down just as fast." In other words, slow and steady is good. Learn who you both and look for and heed red flags. If the signs are good, try to keep your emotions in check. I'm not saying evaluate the relationship constantly but good, open communication are essential. Also, I wouldn't be making sex a big part of the relationship. Honestly, if he cares about who you are and not what you are, he won't pester you for it. He'll want to take it slow and well and get to know you and who you are as well.
Sand&Water Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 RE: I believe the entirety of the relationship can best progress in a gradual, eloquent and secure fashion, allowing him to stay more than two months, is IF you conduct yourself in a truthful manner -affection and availability included. Simply, it is in your hands. You are the woman and most importantly, you have the ability to control the speed, progression, and angle of the relationship. From what I can see, you are denying your existence in the relationship. You are belittling, and underestimating your strengths and priorities. This is not useful. Don't be swept away with the tides, and almost wholly go with the flow. No. He, originally, thought you were going to be a tough yet complicated woman. However, you showed him that you're basically a very nice easy woman to handle. As a result, he saw no challenge. I suggest -or rather you should stand up straight, and show that you have a tough outer shell. Be available to go out with him, yet not too available. Be assertive, yet affectionate at the same time. The hot intimacy you crave for will come later, but not now. Hold off. Don't make the mistake of overindulging in the bountifulness's of his love. Regards, Sand&Water
Author konfuzd Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 In the past, I have held out on sleeping with guys right away, and most of them ended up running before we even got to that level. This guy seems to be more attentive than the others since we slept together. I guess there is no going back from here, but I don't want it to be a purely sexual based relationship, so I will take both of your advice and try to cool it down for a bit. Thanks!
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