Author Okeydokey Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 Oh this is so interesting. Everybody has a different point of view on it. I just usually google and myspace the people. Mostly out of curiosity, to see if there is anything super off-putting, and also it helps with conversation starters sometimes - not "oh I was stalking you and saw that we have exactly the same interests" but if I see that we both like similar books, I might ask on the date, "what have you been reading lately?" I personally don't really see it as an invasion of privacy because the person put the info out there knowing that randoms would come across it... For example I want to control who can see my profile so I have privacy settings.
In Liquid Wonder Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Aren't we overlooking a bigger question here? Why are you dating people of questionable character, first of all? Or if they're truly not questionable, do you have trust issues? If I developed a relationship of, say, a few months, and my SO told me that he had "researched" me when we began dating, I would wonder why he felt he had to do that. Is it something about me... or a problem with him? Either way, I don't think it's all that normal yet, but perhaps these pre-stalking tendencies will become more common over time.
tanbark813 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 If I developed a relationship of, say, a few months, and my SO told me that he had "researched" me when we began dating, I would wonder why he felt he had to do that. I think it's a little arrogant to expect someone to trust you 100% right off the bat.
Mythical Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I have a question!! maybe someone mentioned it but I didn't read all the posts. How do you search the person on the net? I've been wanting to search ppl on my courts site but I can't find the site lol. How do you just do a random search I guess Google? I have done that but nothing ever comes up. I guess they have to have a site profile or something? like myspace...etc..
blind_otter Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Aren't we overlooking a bigger question here? Why are you dating people of questionable character, first of all? Or if they're truly not questionable, do you have trust issues? Maybe you're overlooking the fact that anyone can hide their personality completely for 4-6 months, depending on how much face time you get. perhaps these pre-stalking tendencies will become more common over time. This isn't pre-stalking tendencies. Have you ever been stalked? When this occurs there is intrusive, aggressive interference in your life. Looking up whether someone was incarcerated is hardly intrusive or aggressive.
guin_girl Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I was talking about background checks where someone lays down $60-$100. I do a free public record search... it's not an invasion of privacy, it's public record.
guin_girl Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I lie about my name and location to dates i meet of the net. Its my safety net, given that many of them dont work out and turn pyscho on me ....if they dont know who i am to start with they cant trace me. I stupidly told the last one where i worked though, it slipped out - so i didntfollow my own rule. BUT - its safer to lie until they pass the few dates mark and you at least feel 50% comfortable. Is this OTT? ( Over the top) and yes i do google them as many of them pretend to own a company etc and dont. WOW... so you start all "relationships" with a lie... so not cool!
guin_girl Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Why are you dating people of questionable character, first of all? Or if they're truly not questionable, do you have trust issues? You just met the person, you don't know their character... the old wolf in sheep's clothing adage.
Art_Critic Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I do a free public record search... it's not an invasion of privacy, it's public record. while I don't have a problem with someone doing record searches that are public or googling someone I still feel that it is an invasion of privacy to a point.. and i think those searches have a place and a time for them to be done.. Just because it is public doesn't mean it is right to look up and view the info ie: All property records are public info as well as divorce records. If you look up someone's property info and look at the security deeds and find out how much their property is worth and how much they owe the bank and then look up the divorce records then you are invading their privacy as well as go to the tax site and see what taxes they owe. oh.. don't forget the the corporation search as well to find out what companies they own.. Obviously because they are public records the amount of privacy granted is none by law.. but we are talking morally invading someones privacy not the legal definition. Yes those are public searches.. but if a girl I haven't even dated yet knows how much my house is worth or the specifics of my divorce then she most certainly has invaded my privacy.. I would never date a woman that did that to me
guin_girl Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 while I don't have a problem with someone doing record searches that are public or googling someone I still feel that it is an invasion of privacy to a point.. and i think those searches have a place and a time for them to be done. I only searched to see if there was a criminal background that would cause me grief... fortunately for me, the guy was cool about it... my father on the flip side said exactly what you said, he would be livid... but as a dad... he wants to know too
IpAncA Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I've googled people before for the heck of it but I can never find anything. Sometimes I'll find them on a myspace or messageboard but nothing that would make me not want to be around them.
ls3360 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 The idea of telling a new date a wrong name for yourself seems out of line. It seems like starting off your relationship with a lie that you'll have to dig yourself out of later. OTOH... if you were up front that you are only providing a nick-name ("my friends call me...", "you can call me...") or the name you provide obviously can't be your birth name (ie. a girl with the name "barney"), then that seems like it might work for me. As for doing a search. I think most searches are fine. There are plenty of dishonest people out there and you don't need to be victimized. I'd suggest not waiting too long to do one though or I think you have to be open about it. Once you've established trust, doing a covert search is not appropriate. I also vaguely recall a movie where someone did a search on their new boyfriend who had provided the wrong name, and the search matched a dangerous criminal. It created quite the funny scene. :-) I will add one other thing. Who is doing the searching might be important when it comes to financial information. For example, if someone has an unusually high income, they might be motivated to keep that quiet for a while while they look for a true soulmate and avoid gold diggers. The search in the hands of a date with integrity might not be a big deal, but in the hands of a gold digger, it could be disastrous. 'especially if the search is done covertly.
Author Okeydokey Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 I do google and myspace searches because I'm nosy. lol. I don't know how I feel about people doing property, divorce searches etc. It is hard to see where the line is and it is easy to draw it right on the other side of what one does oneself.
luvtoto Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I have googled before. Once it saved my butt. The guy I was getting to know online, was convicted of drug posession and lying on company records. He was a truck driver. I ended the communication.
TYASAFAHICSI Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I usually google someone after a first date. I would not go so far as a paid service for investigations. Google and other search engines work fine for me. It might let me verify something that was told during the date, etc. If I find a discrepancy that IMHO cannot be explained, I just end it there--no need to continue. Here is a google tip that I learned. If you go to google and enter the following in the search bar, it will return all hits (current, old, archived, etc.) specific to that site. So if you want to see all references to a search term (name, phrase, screen name, etc) and limit it to that site... site:domainnamewithoutwww searchterm (use standard qualifiers for google in the search term. There is a space between the domain and the search term but not between site:domain site:loveshack.org TYASAFAHICSI
JamieB Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 I google everyone I date. I see it as a safety issue, and also a way to figure out if what they have told me so far is true. I met my previous and current boyfriends online. Profiles are so important. The only reason I contacted the guy I'm with now is because his pictures were tasteful and his text was well-written.
cutegirl Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I google everyone I know period. I google their names, nicknames, e-mail addresses, phone numbers, nicks I know they use on msg boards/forums, if I find their posts somewhere I read through all of em. What can I say, I have a lot of time on my hands. I don't use myspace and if I did I would not be stupid enough to use a common e-mail address that other people knew I had, I would create a new e-mail just to use for that purpose. I'm a webmaster and I think I'm quite good at "researching" people on-line. It's quite fun!
monkey00 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Unless I specifically met that person through an online site, personally I have no reason or desire to 'google' them - so to speak. On the other hand, if I was extremely interested in someone...I may be saying otherwise, but until then. I also notice the majority of people on those dating sites use it for the sake of attention and building an online social network, even some online flirting here and there. With that said, your profile only speaks as much as you put into it.
LN99 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I have googled and done criminal checks on guys I have dated. I only do this because I dated a guy who had a record and I had no clue about it until later on. Its kinda crazy what you can find on the net. As for paying for background info, I would never go that far.
kristy102 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 Well , evreytime i try and google anyone nothing comes up and two people i have tried have extensive criminal history's ... yet nothing came up ... so dont believe a google search !! how do i do one of those free searches anyone have a link ??
Author Okeydokey Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 I google everyone I know period. I google their names, nicknames, e-mail addresses, phone numbers, nicks I know they use on msg boards/forums, if I find their posts somewhere I read through all of em. What can I say, I have a lot of time on my hands. I don't use myspace and if I did I would not be stupid enough to use a common e-mail address that other people knew I had, I would create a new e-mail just to use for that purpose. I'm a webmaster and I think I'm quite good at "researching" people on-line. It's quite fun! cutegirl you are super cool - you just went to my top ten list of LS people. Love it!
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