chryssy83 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Just out of curiousity, what if my ex and I got back together and I had been on dates? I know he would be really upset to find out that I had been out with someone else/kissed someone else and it wouldn't help with his security issues. BUT...he was the one who broke up with me. For the record, I do really want to be with my ex again. But things would really have to change. In the past when we've broken up I never went out, but he did. He never kissed anyone, though. Any thoughts? Would I ever even share details (who it was/the kissing) or just say that I went out? Would I tell him I went out with others?
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 BUT...he was the one who broke up with me. You were both broken up at the time you were dating others so he can't have a problem with it because YOU WERE BROKEN UP, ITS NOT CHEATING. Its good you went out and dated others. You did not know if you were going to get back together with him later on down the line, he can't to have expected you to wait around when you both do not know what the future holds, why miss those opertunities to experience these other guys you dated. He needs to trust you, he can't expect you to have waited arounf when neither of you knew what was going to happen with one another.
Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 look, i dated a woman that was with one guy for 12 years, then me for 5, now who would think that she might not want to take a break and be single and date! isn't that part of finding yerself? did i ever think she would date others - no. did i think she wanted to? sure. did she? that's her business.
Lostandfound Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 A very interesting one, when my ex ended it with me she said "she needed time", I told her that i would wait for her. Even in some of the communication she has made she has referred to me saying this. Now, this is when it could be a problem, if you get back together, if you have been dating, once you have be waiting and realised it will never be back on, and then is, what do you tell them. I see this in 2 ways, telling them you are dating may push them back stronger to you, or telling them your dating may make them think your a liar. You have to be careful with this one.
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Your ex needs to know that you are not sitting by the phone and waiting for him to come back. He needs to know that others are interested and he cannot have his cake and eat it too. This information, however, should not come from you. Get out there and have fun, stop waiting!
Speedo Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Er, this one is a no brainer. Sounds like this guy is alot like I've been (and still am kinda). He has double standards. When I'm broken up, I can do anything I want, and thats totally legal in the dating world. But for some reason, if I know SHE has been hooking up with other guys, then I probably wont ever get back with her. Does that make sense and is that fair? Absolutely not, but unfortunetly thats the way my brain is wired. (A lot of guys are). So, my answer is...Do NOT tell him anything if you get back together...EVER. You did absolutely nothing wrong, but its not about that to him. He knows you can do that, but it won't change the fact that he will look at you differently, and always in a bad way. I know of no guy that would latch onto someone more b/c of something like that. Think of it this way, if a girlfriend of yours asked you if she looked like she lost weight, when she clearly looks like a balloon, are you going to tell her the truth? Of course not. Why? Because it will only do harm. Same thing here. You aren't lying about anything. You just aren't volunteering any information about something you know will be a pain in your and his arse if you do. Trust me on this one.
Author chryssy83 Posted January 4, 2007 Author Posted January 4, 2007 Thanks speedo (and everyone). I just feel like a big part of his issue has been insecurity, and telling him about other guys wouldn't do much for that feeling. I do think he needs to realize this is what happens if he breaks up with me. Of course, he doesn't want to get back together at the moment, so this advice may never be put to use. But it's my way to think ahead, you know?
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 my exgf told me she needed time and space and i understood that there were many reasons behind that [childhood, abuse, family, work, school, etc.] - our R was the one thing she could dump and get some breathing space - and because she had not really been in the singleworld and totally in control of her life without having other responsibilities - i would not find it strange if she went on dates. she's a beautful woman, smart as a tack, guys would be jumping at the chance to date someone like that. now, would i want to know about this stuff? none of my business. if we ever ended up back together would i want to know about things like that? absolutely. i have always been interested in all parts of her life - everything and i do so without judging and fear. would it impact how i saw her? huh? nope. when u are single u are single man. the only thing that would matter is the fact that she WAS with me and WANTED me. honestly, i would be more concerned about finding out the things she needed space for - and i would be interested in rediscovering her and again and talk about things we never did - i really would love to just know her better.
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