Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 My ex of 6 years which I had cut off all contact with is for nearly a year, is expecting his first baby. He is 46 and has been seeing this girl for almost 2 years now and when they first started dating we were still talking. He and I got engaged when we were together as did the girl friend before me but both she and I got told he wasn't ready, the next girl after me was CRAZY one of the main reasons I stayed away, but they also were suppose to get engaged but never did, well later we started talking as friends bc enough time had past. We had both moved on. Well I heard thru a mutual friend that he was expecting a baby. I ran into him at a restaurant a week or so ago and he kept looking over at my table watching me, etc. later my friends and I were at the bar having a nightcap and we started talking. He kept telling me how great I looked, etc. I told him that I was really happy for him about the baby and he told me that it was going to be a boy. I said " So when are you getting married?" He said " The baby is due in April and we are getting married in June" I said my congrats and when I started to leave he ask for a hug. I went to give him a small hug and he hugged me really close and didn't let me go for quite a while. While he was hugging me he started rubbing my back and was telling me how great it was to see me. It was weird. My friends teased me for a couple of days matter of fact the next day the first thing out of my friends mouth was " Somebody still loves you, everyone could tell" I said "No he doesn't, he is expecting a baby and he is getting married in June' The sad thing is it brought up a lot of old wounds. I am bothered that he is ready now to be a husband and a father but wasn't when we were together. Matter of fact, the reason we broke up was bc he said it wasn't fair to me to keep me tied to him when we both knew that he would never marry, and didn't want kids. He actually contacted me after we broke up and I was with someone new and started talking nonsense about how he wanted to have a baby with me, how I would make a great mom, etc. So I guess the moral of this post is this he obviously wasn't a commitaphobic after all, I was just not the one for him. Now I find myself thinking about what might have been. I hate that I am having these feelings after such a long time. I know that NC obviously works the opposite for me than others bc NC didn't get him back but obviously healed his commitaphobia. ARRGGGHHHH. He is getting the happily ever after and I am still alone.
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Well, there obviously is something wrong with him if he is 46, had been engaged several times and is not married by now. I don't think that he is completely cured of being a commitment phobic because he is engaged, expecting a child and continues to flirt with people like yourself. It sounds to me like he is pretty messed up and is definately no prize. I'd be worried about how committed he will actually be to his soon to be wife. As for you, I don't know how you did it. I can't imagine being friends with an ex and watching them get involved with others. I don't recommend it and even though you were NC for the last year it sounds as if you were fine until you heard about him. You handled yourself well though when you saw him. Asking him about his baby and upcoming wedding made you appear uninterested, romantically, and definately mature. Now you've got to convince yourself that he was not the one for you. Wow, six years was a long time and I know that you will never forget him but you've got to put yourself into positions every day where you are actively meeting other people. One more thing, don't assume that he is going to live happily ever after. People like him are never satisfied.
insomnie Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 Well, I wouldn't be so sure about the happily ever after for him if I were you. It sounds to me they got pregnant by accident, and now are getting married because it's the right thing, not becuase he is ready or wants any of this. He is also being inappropriate with other women (you, by hugging you so tight) behind her back, so really you have little to be envious of. Sounds like he's well on his way to a disasterous marriage that was forced on him by her pregnancy.
norajane Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I agree with insomnie, and I'll go a step further and say I have my doubts that he will actually get married. Why wait until after the child is born? I think that's an excuse to push the date out, and he'll keep pushing the date out further and further. The pregnancy might have taken them by surprise, she wants to have the baby, so he's offering marriage, but won't go through with it.
MOMMIE Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I totally know where you're coming from...I'm doing the nc thing and so far, all I feel is lonely...I'm so hoping that the same thing doesn't happen to me....we're in a major stand off, and I think he's mad now, so who knows what he'll do to spite me....what if your guy changes his mind? are you going to take him back?....It sounds like your ex was trapped into a relationship....
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I wouldn't read too much into the fact that he's once again engaged and expecting. Time can do strange things to people. There is also a lot of societal pressure to settle down. Even as a CP, I'm sure in the back of his head he knows that it's something that is "expected" to happen if you want to fit into the norm. Just because he's getting married doesn't mean he can't run away from that relationship too...like all the others. I suspect that he will in fact run from her too. I married a CP. He is now remarried again to a girl he got pregnant shortly after we seperated. I talk to him once and a while and he's unhappy, but remaining in the marriage because of the child and the benefit of becoming an american citizen through that union (he's a Canadian who works in the US). So, don't go believing he is happy and settled. And certainly don't internalize the negative thoughts that you weren't a "good enough" woman for him to want to change. If he were happy and settled, he wouldn't have had such a amorous response to you when he saw you! You don't want a man like that back- I suspect you're reacting to the rejection of him leaving you, and now you're responding to the rejection of him marrying and expecting a baby with someone else when he walked away from doing that with you. It's the rejection talking- not reality. You're the lucky one here- try and think of it that way. D
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 I wouldn't read too much into the fact that he's once again engaged and expecting. Time can do strange things to people. There is also a lot of societal pressure to settle down. Even as a CP, I'm sure in the back of his head he knows that it's something that is "expected" to happen if you want to fit into the norm. Just because he's getting married doesn't mean he can't run away from that relationship too...like all the others. I suspect that he will in fact run from her too. I married a CP. He is now remarried again to a girl he got pregnant shortly after we seperated. I talk to him once and a while and he's unhappy, but remaining in the marriage because of the child and the benefit of becoming an american citizen through that union (he's a Canadian who works in the US). So, don't go believing he is happy and settled. And certainly don't internalize the negative thoughts that you weren't a "good enough" woman for him to want to change. If he were happy and settled, he wouldn't have had such a amorous response to you when he saw you! You don't want a man like that back- I suspect you're reacting to the rejection of him leaving you, and now you're responding to the rejection of him marrying and expecting a baby with someone else when he walked away from doing that with you. It's the rejection talking- not reality. You're the lucky one here- try and think of it that way. D Life is what u make it - simple or complicated. Marriage like any other relationship needs boundaries and hard work - especially if children are involved. First of all, don’t let emotions force you into making bad business decisions. As much as you want to help your child, don’t let short-term situations push you into long-term commitments you’ll regret later. I do not do stuff like that - for example - when someone is comfortable offering financial help, the number one rule is to eliminate any possible confusion or uncertainty by having everything in writing. Work together for each others best interest and keep the emotional aspect to a minimum. And in the event that someone doesn’t keep their end of the bargain, have a third party as the go-between. Last, only enter into such situations if u are ready and willing to be honest and fullfill obigations. Keep it simple.
katty774 Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 New update, we ran into some old friends of mine and the ex who is expecting and I had my young bf with me and we chatted and got all caught up and then my friend told me about my ex telling her about our run in around Christmas and he told her that I really looked good." Can you believe after all these years he can still talk to them about me that way. Well just wanted to give everyone an update. BTW I was with a bf that they had never met but he is young and hot and I just wonder if they went back to my ex and gossiped about seeing me the way that he did. Big question is why do I still care?
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