steenerz Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I got out of a 2.5 year relationship, 3 months ago, with my first serious boyfriend. I haven't dateed anyone since, for I believe I am still in the process of moving on. So..seeing that I haven't had too much experience with different partners.... can exes be friends? Are they usually/usually not friends? Although our relationship was rocky at times, although he did not treat me well at times, I am past that, and I feel that he is still very dear to me...he was my first love. (and, uh, lost my v to him.) I still care bout him immensely, although I wish I didn't.... Thoughts?
LN99 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 It depends. Some ex's have no problems being friends after all is settled and the past is behind them. Some have a problem with it. Mainly because one person has a different idea of how things are gonna go then the other one. One person might think that there is hope and that the relationship may start up once again. OR, they can just make it harder for the other one to move on. Personally, I have not yet been successful being friends with an ex. I have been successful with being civil towards and ex, but thats about it.
chryssy83 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Not until/unless you are both completely over each other. Sometimes it happens, although I think it's rare and depends on the circumstances of the break-up. I was in a relationship with someone who was friends with an ex. It was horrible...we fought about it all the time. She refused to meet me or ever even acknowledge that I existed. I kept telling him that she was still interested in him....he said no. Then he finally told her his girlfriend wasn't okay with the way their relationship was, and told her about the changes he and I had decided would need to be made. And now they aren't friends anymore. Funny, huh? I think it takes longer than 3 months to get to the point where you can be friends. Just my opinion.
Author steenerz Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 Well, we haven't talked since the break-up really. So, we'renot really friends.
Pyro Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I got out of a 2.5 year relationship, 3 months ago, with my first serious boyfriend. I haven't dateed anyone since, for I believe I am still in the process of moving on. So..seeing that I haven't had too much experience with different partners.... can exes be friends? Are they usually/usually not friends? Although our relationship was rocky at times, although he did not treat me well at times, I am past that, and I feel that he is still very dear to me...he was my first love. (and, uh, lost my v to him.) I still care bout him immensely, although I wish I didn't.... Thoughts? It is possible to be friends with the ex, as long as both parties have no feelings for the other, which unfortunately seems like a rare thing, so the odds are definitely against you.
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Absolutely not, as long as you are still IN love with an ex, being friends is impossible. Unless you are a glutton for punishment. What can she give you as a "friend" that another friend can not give you?
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Exes can be "friendly", but rarely friends. That is until you are over one another. I'll be honest- when you are over someone, you rarely want to be friends anymore. Usually, saying you want to remain friends is a cover story for "I want you back". When your feelings for someone are unresolved, remaining "friends" just isn't a good idea. Give it time- then revisit the question of friendship when you are positive both of you aren't in love anymore. D
Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 That is a big Maybe, my ex and I are friends at the moment. We hang out often. She is a good person, just young and in need of figuring out who she is (I am much older than she). I have to agree with what was said above, I at first hoped to reconcile. Anymore I'm not sure if that is what I want, but I do hope to remain friends with her. She has a boyfriend now, but I haven't started dating yet. It will be interesting to see where our friendship goes from there when I start dating.
bonehead Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I guess you would have to define friends. I would say Im still friends with my ex wife, but I wouldnt go hang out at a bar with her. I do have lunch with her every once in a while. Have helped her out with car issues when her boyfriend wasnt available.
Cub Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 It depends on if they were friends before the relationship. Building a friendship on a painful past is near impossible, but salvaging a friendship that was merely down and out for awhile is quite possible.
boshemia Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I came here wondering that same exact thing... We were the best of friends or so I thought. Eight years is a long time to be with someone, and I truly wanted to remain friends... The thing is, he wasn't good to me while we were together and as much as I valued that friendship I realize that he isn't good to me now either. I don't have a choice when dealing with him because we share three children. The thing is no matter how much he brags that he has changed, he really hasn't. He still has no respect for me, and he doesn't have as much respect for our children as he should. He was always very self centered, and now he seems to be moreso. He only wants to be friends when it is convienent for him. I'm not sure I can answer your questions... But after five years I can tell you... If the relationship ended it ended for a reason... I don't know your situatuion, but if you were repeatedly getting hurt then that will probably never change. And Give yourself time... if the wounds are still open, then being friends is only going to pour salt into them. Give yourself time to heal and move on then see where it goes. I am still friends with most of my exes, when I run into them on the street we visit and laugh. Most of them have moved out of the area, so it isn't common to see them but some of them still stay in touch though rarely. In each of those situations time was a big factor... and there is still a healthy mutual respect for each other there. If it hurts... don't do it...
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