Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Dating this girl, about 5 months. She does sports. Has practice 6-9. She likes to hang out with her friends. This may seem like a stupid question. But everytime she trys to go do something with her friends, or whatever, i try to make her stay home. Its like i want her to have a bad time. With swimming, i try to make her feel bad for going. I dont want to do this to her. She doesnt deserve it. Whats the easist way to make it,...so I dont want her to have a bad time? If this makes any sense at all, thanks alot.
LN99 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 First off you sound possessive. Second, very insecure. Why don't you want her to have a good time? Is it because you are afraid she will have such a good time that she will dump you? In a relationship, its only healthy to each have your own lives outside of the relationship. She has a right to have friends just as much as you do. She also has a right to go out and have fun. She is with you, so you shouldn't be so worried. If you are so afraid to lose her and end up smothering her and banning her from doing things she enjoys, you are gonna lose her in the end anyways. Very few people would put up with that. I know I wouldn't. So, you have two choices... You can either let go of your insecurity and just let her do her thing and realize she likes you and is with you for a reason. OR YOu can smother her and end up having her dump you in the long run anyways and then you will end up with nothing.
confucious Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 LN99 has it 100% right - most likely you are concerned she will: find/meet another man whom she gets romantically entangled with, oryou are just jealous of her actually having fun WITHOUT you.These both stem from the fact her sports events do NOT INCLUDE YOU at all. You are effectively left out of that part of her life...as is only natural. It is easy in the beginning of a relationship to want to be everything, to want to DO everything together, and to feel a need for the other person. Like the above post says, we just have to let go, relax and let our SO live thier lives. Perhaps when you start to fall into the same old habit of "ruining" her time you could stop, think of how much you love her, ask yourself if it is FAIR to ruin her night, and then try to let her go - encourage her even - with a feeling that you WANT her to have an awesome time precisely BECAUSE you love her. If you tell her to kick @ss, encourage her, and are on her side she will think of you when she scores, does well, whatever. If you nag or try and make her stay home she will try and avoid thoughts of you as you are a downer. Next time try to be supportive. The time after that, try again. Treat each time like it is one alone, and soon enough you'll be used to feeling genuinely happy for her. There is the matter of insecurity - that may have to be dealt with in a whole different way, if that is the case. GOod luck!!!
Valentine Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 The answer is simple: Dont restrict her. Maybe sometimes you can try to join in her activities or what not. Let her have her freedom and it will all go well
kdutton66 Posted January 4, 2007 Posted January 4, 2007 my gf is like that too, mon-fri she has dance school till night cept wed. and thursdays and these are the days we hang out for a couple hours before she goes to dance, and then i usually give her one day on the weekend to hang out with her friends. you might feel a bit like she prioritizes her friends more than you, but im sure youll eventually get over it, i know i did with the way my gf youll know if she likes you for sure or not,
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