Just2Cute1972 Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 My fiancee and i broke up going on five months ago. The break up thread is posted on here. Anyway, 3 months ago he moved back in with me as a "roommate" .. i knew it would be hard for me but financially it would help me out a lot. This was HIS idea, not mine. I weighed the pros and cons and i allowed it. Problem is, it hasnt been friends since the day he moved back in. Been A LOT of ups and downs and talks and emotions flying here and there. Anyway...we had a huge blow up about 4 weeks ago he told me that he loved me and always had loved me but that he was so scared to be in a relationship again with me or anyone else for that matter, he cried as he told me this and we both swore we would be NOTHING more than friends ever again. Yeah right. Well, a week later he starts acting differently towards me. We were being friends .. at first then the joking and the laughing turned into a lot more. He would stare into my eyes all the time, constantly give me compliments, buying me things, held my hand in the mall, always touching me as in my hand or my arm or my shoulders or some type of touching. He would leave for work, he would text me things like have a good day. Asking me how my day was going, telling me he missed me etc etc. This went on for 3 weeks straight. Keep in mind there is no "label" on us and we still talk to other people. Well, last friday we got into an argument. He misunderstood something i said and i kept trying to explain what i really said but he wouldnt listen and kept insisting what he thought i said was what i really said. Make sense? lol Anyway that evening, he apologized to me and kissed me in front of my gf no less. After she left, he was kissing me and stuff and my cell phone goes off, well he pulls away. I didnt get the cell. He starts again later kissing me and the cell goes off again, he pulls away again with a weird look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he tells me he feels absolutely nothing at all for me and he thought he loved me but that argument we had made him realize he didnt. I just looked at him totally confused and said ok whatever, as he was telling me this he started tearing up and i said why are u crying.. he says im not and denys that he was crying. Im not blind, i saw him for gods sake!! The next morning, he kisses me again and this and that. We go to the mall and he was going to buy me these shoes ive been wanting but they werent in stock. That nite he goes to another girls house. He doesnt come home until 2 pm the next day and he lies about his whereabouts then finally admits where he was after i told him i knew. He comes up to me and tries to hug me and i pushed him away and said no friends ONLY rem? He then pushes me against the wall and says i want to make this work with you, you have me and i want you, thats the first time ive heard ANYTHING like that since he came back into my life 3 months ago. I start crying because its been so back n forth and my emotions are just all out of whack. Not even 2 min later he sits on the bed and says he only wants to be friends no kissing, touching, hugging NOTHING else. He said because i "flaked" out (crying) that he decided he didnt wanna work things out he only wanted friends. Well that entire evening was hideous for us. Finally he left and went back over to this girls house again. He comes home around 6pm the next day and he was being friendly to me again. Well he notices a mark on my neck. Its NOT a hickey..believe me! And he is examining it asking me what it was etc. In the meantime i had found out that he had slept with someone else about a month ago that he never told me about and tried like hell to sleep with this female from the nite before. Now he has this in his head that he will get even with me and that i told him i feel one way but went out and got a hickey and this and that. Its a mess. What the hell is going on here? Have i misread him THAT bad?? And if he has "no feelings" whats with this whole gettin even thing. He was visibly upset last nite over something that isnt even what he thinks it is. He is so back and forth .. one min he loves me the next he doesnt. He has stressed how scared he is to be with me he doesnt want to get hurt..so he claims. Is he being sincere in that statement? Is he REALLY that scared of getting hurt? This is driving me insane. Its either one way or the other but he keeps starting things up with me again then its like if he feels he is getting too close, he pulls away..thats just speculation on my end because i dont really know why he stops. Another thing, he is NOT an emotional guy at all..in fact, this is the most ive EVER seen him cry in the five years i was with him, he is the type to hide his feelings..he always has. I just need some opinions because im losing my mind here. Im sorry this is so long.
Author Just2Cute1972 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 And ive thought about that too. I asked him if he was afraid of commitment and he said a little. He is afraid of committing to ME is what i think. I did hurt him the last month and half we were together, but it was NOT intentionally. Ive talked and talked to him about that so much .. no i didnt cheat or anything like that. But i did make him feel insecure and i did take some stabs at his ego. Ive so apologized over and over for that and explained to him why i did the things i did. I did what i did because i loved him i just didnt go about it the right way. I just wish i knew what i could do to get past all this crap.
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 And ive thought about that too. I asked him if he was afraid of commitment and he said a little. He is afraid of committing to ME is what i think. I did hurt him the last month and half we were together, but it was NOT intentionally. Ive talked and talked to him about that so much .. no i didnt cheat or anything like that. But i did make him feel insecure and i did take some stabs at his ego. Ive so apologized over and over for that and explained to him why i did the things i did. I did what i did because i loved him i just didnt go about it the right way. I just wish i knew what i could do to get past all this crap. By definition commitment phobes are insecure. They are worried that once they commit they LOSE something. In truth, when you commit you gain so much. My question to you is "Do you really want to be with someone who is so insecure?" I sure wouldn't.
Author Just2Cute1972 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 He actually wasnt insecure while we were together. At least i never ever saw that side of him. The insecurities didnt start coming out until he broke up with me. I helped contribute to that tho at the end of our relationship by saying the stupid things i said. Ive made up my mind that if he comes to me again with this "i wanna work things out" stuff my words are going to be prove it. And unless he proves to me im really what he wants, im going on with my life. I love him to death but i cant continue to deal with the up and down roller coaster.
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