Big_Lou Posted August 10, 2002 Posted August 10, 2002 I've been with my g/f for 13 months now. We've had problems like any couple does in those 13 months. The problem is now is that we are not intimate anymore. We don't have sex. We haven't had sex in six weeks, maybe twice in 2 1/2 months. I'm a 22 year old guy and I love sex. I've told her that I want to make love to her. But I also told her that I don't want to pressure her. We discussed this last week and she said that everytime I call her to come to my house or call her to come over to her house, all I want is sex. I told her that it has been like that lately because we have not been intimate. Honestly, I feel like we're in the first phase of a break up. I don't want to break up with her, because she is so special to me, woman like that don't come around often and I truly love her with all my heart. I think if I was to break up with her, I would be sad for a while. I must say that she doesn't know the reason why she doesn't make love to me. I know that she doesn't like her job and that her mom is sick but getting better...but that's been the situation since I met her. She just didn't use that as an excuse like she does now. She swears to me that she's not cheating on me. Honestly, I am tempted to cheat on her now. But I want to salvage our relationship. Any advice would be appreciated. thanks
Tony T Posted August 10, 2002 Posted August 10, 2002 There is always a reason a woman doesn't want to have sex and it generally has something to do with the guy's demeanor and attitude. Yes, women don't like you to call them to come over and then have the sex question brought up. I suggest you embark on a program whereby she will crave sex from you. That involves not asking her for it anymore, being romantic, doing kind things for her, being affectionate and attentive, being unpredictable in calling her at special times just to tell her you're thinking of her, etc. Let's call is subliminal seduction. Just generally being romantic without any indication of sex being your goal. Do this for a period of time. My feeling here is that you don't love her very much and she is picking up on that. What tells me that is when you say breaking up would make you sad. Usually, if a guy loves a lady he is more than just sad if he really loved her a lot. Most would be devastated for a period. The other thing that indicates this is that you are thinking about cheating on her, obviously to get laid. Usually if a guy loves a lady he does not contemplate cheating on her for any reason. There is also a lack of communication in your relationship and I'm not saying it's your fault. I think your lady ought to come right out and tell you what is lacking that makes her disinterested in sex. She has sort of told you in that she resents you coming right out and asking for it. It's hard for a woman to ask a man to be more romantic and seductive. He is either that way or he isn't. Break up with her very kindly before cheating on her. I promise you if a professional counsellor looked into this with you, he would probably find you fall way short on the foreplay, which begins when you get up in the morning and ends when you get up in the morning. Women want to be seduced in very undetectable ways all the time when they truly care for a guy. My guess is that's where you're falling short. The question is, do you love her enough to want to do the work or do you just want to go straight to the sex and bypass all else that's required? If you just want to go straight to the sex, go see a prostitute. They'll accomodate every time.
Bill Posted August 10, 2002 Posted August 10, 2002 Honestly, I am tempted to cheat on her now. That sounds like true love right there. Basically what you're saying is that you'll break up with her if she doesn't have sex with you? Sounds like she was right that all you want is sex from her.
Ally Boo Posted August 10, 2002 Posted August 10, 2002 When a woman doesn't want to be intimate, that's a big sign that there is a problem with your relationship. She may be secretly upset at you about something. Talk to her and make sure that everything is ok. Most likely its not, and chances are she might not love you anymore or for much longer. That's why it's so important to talk to her.
Tessa Posted August 11, 2002 Posted August 11, 2002 Being a woman myself, I can tell you that I if a woman does not want to have sex with you is b/c she most likely is no longer interested. You have to find a way to get her interested again. She may think that this is as far as the relationship go and well, starts backing off. Talk to her. That is the only way to find out the real reason. BTW: If you are considering cheating on her, then maybe you should end the relationship. Just b/c there is no sex, doesn't mean you should cheat. If you want her, then work on the relationship...
Donna Posted August 11, 2002 Posted August 11, 2002 Stress has funny effects on our bodies, and it sounds as though she is going through some stressful things, number one being her mom is sick...Why not try being totally understanding and help her through this time, sounds to me that she is getting resentful of the sexual advances from you... I know this is how most guys express their love, but if you are serious about salvaging you relationship, back off a bit...Get interested in what is happening to her, show her that you care in a non sexual way...She will come around in time, and as for the cheating on her, you always have the palm sisters...
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