marc from MI Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Ihave a few questions pertaining to my situation, if you care about any details of my story it can be found here..... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t108462/ a few things that she said are really bothering me at this point. Maybe they should, maybe they shouldn't. Hopefully someone can help. 1. She stated" I love you but I'm not in love with you" (does this make sense to anyone?!?!?!?... is that possible? or is this a way of saying something else? i dont get this statement) 2. She stated" I want to break up" i suggested a "trial seperation to figure things out." She replied" Yes, that makes me feel better" (After suggesting this i thought , if she wanted to be trial seperated why wouldnt she just suggest it before saying she wants a complete break?) 3.She sends me a text message on New Years at 12:30am saying "happy new year" this only 24 hours after she broke it off. (could this have been a bulk message to everyone in her phone? if it was just to me, Why so soon after shattering me? to make me feel better? All it did was confuse me further) 4. She said " I dont feel the way I used to." (does this mean that shes bored? annoyed? No Spark?I couldnt get any answers to what this meant.I'm assuming it falls along the lines of #1 up there.) BTW I'm on my third day of NC and im holding strong. There are so many questions that i want answered. I guess i'll just have to wait, but it's driving me crazy.
chryssy83 Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I think most of these are pretty easy... 1. Means she cares about you and feels bad about hurting your feelings, but she's not in love with you. You aren't the one... 2. I think this is guilt again...and probably a little fear. Ending something is HARD. She doesn't want to regret it later and not have a way back in. She feels guilty, and if this would make you feel better, she'll do it. She didn't suggest it first because in her gut she believes she wants it to be OVER now. 3. Could be a bulk message. Could just be that she wants to let you know she doesn't hate your guts. Maybe when everyone else kissed at the stroke of midnight she missed having you there for a moment. I'm sure she didn't do it to make you feel bad...but I wouldn't take it to mean more than it says, either. 4. I'd say you're right...this is like number 1. She used to be happy and want to be with you, now she's not/doesnt. 3rd day of NC = Yay! Hang in there, it'll get easier. The bottom line is...the answers to your questions don't matter that much. She doesn't want to be with you. Follow the advice of others on here...it sucks but you have to take it day by day. You know, I BEGGED my ex to tell me these types of things because I know what they mean. What he actually said was much more confusing. I asked him to say he didn't want me, didn't want to be with me, didn't love me. And he just kept saying he couldn't say that. What the heck? I'm sorry to say, but I really think your girl wants to be done. The confusion for a lot of us is just us trying to cling to whatever hope we can find. Stay busy, continue NC, and see what happens. We'll be okay eventually!
guin_girl Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Marc, I was dating this one guy for 8 years... and when we broke up, I said many of the same things... maybe I can shed a little light? 1. She stated" I love you but I'm not in love with you" (does this make sense to anyone?!?!?!?... is that possible? or is this a way of saying something else? i dont get this statement) I do honestly still love my ex and I would be there for him in a minute if he ever needed me. However, it wasn't that passionate love that we once had. We met when we were young and 8 years later, we were different people. Had we been married, I would not have divorced him, but because we weren't, I felt that BOTH of us deserved someone who loved us more than just buds. (Incidentally, he is happy with someone else and I'm still single 8 years later and I initiated the break... and I'm glad, because he is happy and that was what I wanted for him) 2. She stated" I want to break up" i suggested a "trial seperation to figure things out." She replied" Yes, that makes me feel better" (After suggesting this i thought , if she wanted to be trial seperated why wouldnt she just suggest it before saying she wants a complete break?) To give more time to be sure that it is the right thing to do at the time. Also to make it easier on you as well, she does care, just not the way you want her to now. 3.She sends me a text message on New Years at 12:30am saying "happy new year" this only 24 hours after she broke it off. (could this have been a bulk message to everyone in her phone? if it was just to me, Why so soon after shattering me? to make me feel better? All it did was confuse me further) Because she does care, again not the way you want. I had a lot of contact with my ex when we broke up. I can't tell you the number of times he would call to make sure I was sure and again to understand why I wanted to break up. I also called him to be sure he was ok. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but I knew in my heart it was the right one, because he deserved someone who loved him. 4. She said " I dont feel the way I used to." (does this mean that shes bored? annoyed? No Spark?I couldnt get any answers to what this meant.I'm assuming it falls along the lines of #1 up there.) I didn't feel the same anymore because we had changed. He wasn't the person I fell in love with anymore. Not that he was a bad person but WE had changed and it was time for us to move on. I don't know if my answers for my ex help you, but that's what I meant when I said the same things.
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