peaches911 Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hi: For the past 5 years I was together with a guy, who at first, was a the greatest thing that ever happened to me. However, during the 3rd year he started treating me really badly, cheating on me, and abusing me verbally. Things were like a roller coaster thereafter, and I finally made the decision to break up with him. Shortly after, about a month , of the breakup, I started dating a guy who I found very appealing, attractive, fun etc. At first he was kind of a rebound, but eventually I saw that I started liking him very much, and I wanted to see more of him. About two months of casually dating, I told him that I wanted the relationship to be exclusive. Now, threee months later, I'm in love with him, and I envision a long term relationship, but on the other hand, I miss my ex boyfriend every now and then, and I haven't identified why. For some strange reason I feel as if I'm yearning for men who treat me badly, and I don't get this in my current boyfriend because he doesn't tream me badly. Is it possible for me to still love my new boyfriend, but yet miss my ex without love feelings only because I was with him for so long? Should I back out of this relationship with my new boyfriend? I told him that I love him and I wont hurt him, but I think he's having a hard time believing me. Please help. -Peaches
ash519 Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hi- My opinion: You were with your ex for 5 years...quite a long time, of course you still think of him from time to time. You have only been broken up for 6 months. I am so inlove with my bf of almost 2 years, but once in a while I think of my ex i dated only 3 months ( i was very infatuated), he was a mess...drugs, liar etc. Had no idea of any of it until the end. Point being, i would never leave my current bf for him or cheat. If your ex came to you saying he is 100% a better man, would you leave your current bf? I guess that is what your answer will be.
Author peaches911 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 Hi- My opinion: You were with your ex for 5 years...quite a long time, of course you still think of him from time to time. You have only been broken up for 6 months. I am so inlove with my bf of almost 2 years, but once in a while I think of my ex i dated only 3 months ( i was very infatuated), he was a mess...drugs, liar etc. Had no idea of any of it until the end. Point being, i would never leave my current bf for him or cheat. If your ex came to you saying he is 100% a better man, would you leave your current bf? I guess that is what your answer will be. You think about your ex, but do you miss him? He treated me so badly and I can't identify a reason why I miss him. I guess I'm yearning for boys who treat me badly. Is this possible when I still say I love my current boyfriend?
TheDC Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 If you seriously think that you miss him because you want to be treated badly then I'd suggest that you get counselling. You may end up destroying your current relationship by doing bad things secretly hoping that your current BF would retaliate and treat you badly. No one deserves or should be treated badly in a relationship and it is definitely not healthy.
ash519 Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 No, i dont miss him. Your situation is complicated and I think it is hard to define the difference between missing someone and thinking of them. When we broke it off I was still pretty infatuated with him, but he was bad news. Maybe that just stuck with me a bit. But like I said, would you leave your current bf for him? That is your answer. And I dont think anyone WANTS to be treated badly, you loved him and he happend to become a jerk off. You miss the man you love, not the abuse.
norajane Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Perhaps you miss the drama associated with your ex. When someone treats you badly, there are also the periods where they treat you well. You get used to the emotional roller-coaster - when he treats you badly you think, oh I wish he'd be good to me, I want this relationship to work out so much. When he treats you well, you're in that euphoric phase. Then he treats you badly again, and you desperately want to get back to the good phase. You see? Lots of created drama and high impact emotions. In a good relationship where you aren't treated badly, you don't get the intensity of highs along with the intensity of the lows. You miss the intensity, and aren't seeing that it was artificially created intensity.
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