fooled Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I feel stupid. I am thinking about her constantly. Mostly about the little, quirky things about her. The abuse, the narcisism, the alcoholism have all slipped my mind. I try to replay the bad times, but they have lost their punch. She was toxic for me. And I know there are tons of wonderful women out there. My friends would disown me if I got back together with her. I guess my self-respect ain't what I thought it was.
Sand&Water Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 RE: Creating a thread about your ex-girlfriend is not stupid at all. It is part of the healing process. It is not an uncommon stage to be at after the 6 month mark. Not only are you washing down your self-respect but also your dignity, personal growth, and chances at moving one step forward in 2007. Don't be ashamed at being vulnerable. It is natural. Yet, the unnatural part of the coping process is the constant denial of the past. There was a lesson in your relationship with ex-girlfriend and hopefully that lesson will glow white for the coming months. Try to shift your focus on someone or something that may intrigue your senses. Stay positive. I don't know what she said or did to you -but I am certain that you will not allow it to jeopardize your chances at finding success. Unless of course you intend to remain this way for the next 2 years. Sand&Water
Ariadne Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hi fooled, I am thinking about her constantly. I think about Denver guy all the time too... no matter what I do. I guess you'll just have to live with it, at least till it lasts, Ariadne
CaliGuy Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Fooled, I found a way to combat wasting useless emotional energy on an ex. Anytime you catch yourself thinking about her, say to yourself "WHO?!" That works for me as it reminds me "Hey, you're wasting emotional energy on someone who treated you like crap and does not deserve any space in your mind." Try it. It may or may not work for you but it's worth a try. Hope you had a great New Years.
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Anytime you catch yourself thinking about her, say to yourself "WHO?!" Hey I'm stealing this idea Fooled if you don't want it!
CaliGuy Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hey I'm stealing this idea Fooled if you don't want it! Trust me, it's working WONDERS. It's an emotional b*tch slap that I need. Wasting emotional energy = drains the spirit from my life.
amaysngrace Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Trust me, it's working WONDERS. It's an emotional b*tch slap that I need. Wasting emotional energy = drains the spirit from my life. Yep I know. Just thinking about how I'm going to change my reaction to thoughts of him from now on brought a smile to my face. Thanks for that!
bluetuesday Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 ah fooled, this ain't good! i wondered a few months ago where you were and figured you must be sorted. baffled to see this is still going on, thought you had come to your senses. i'll be blunt, it is stupid and pointless and masochistic to think about her constantly, or at all. what do you need man, a bash over the head? is this the sorry excuse for a human being who cheated on you with her ex and FOUR other men?! she didn't love you. she didn't want you. she didn't respect you. you are worth a hundred of her. Clearly, she is a sociopath, alcoholic, compulsive liar and needs the attention of tons of men to feel validated. your own words, said about her a year ago. letting go of her is now waaaaay overdue, it really is. i don't care if you don't have anyone to replace her, that doesn't matter. can you give me one good reason you're still obsessing about someone who thinks so little of you? maybe it is time to start realising that the problem is not that you can't live without her, but, like you said, that you don't have enough self-respect to realise you deserve better. it's nothing to be ashamed of. even that realisation is progress. at least with shifting the focus of the problem onto something you can deal with (you) instead of something you can't control (her) you can begin to climb out and start seeing this for what it really is.
luvtoto Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Trust me, it's working WONDERS. It's an emotional b*tch slap that I need. Wasting emotional energy = drains the spirit from my life. I have my own emotional b*tch slaps that I use, too. If a person can just stay positive and keep their thoughts under control, it helps. Years ago, I was in counseling for my low-self esteem issues. I think what my counselor told me applies here, too. Stay positive! My counselor told me that whenever my mind slams me for something, like "you are so blah." I would literally need to counteract that statement with a positive rebuttal. Like, "Yea, I am blah today. But, that's ok. I am just having an off day. That's allowed."
Cub Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Interesting, this is just the thread I needed. It's really hard, I know, and I'm sure that after such a long time the things she did to you would have watered down, but don't let it control you. I like CaliGuy's thing, lol. WHO was I thinking about now?
Author fooled Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Haha! Howdy, Blue! Thanks for the encouraging words - and to everyone! This is actually about the new ex-g/f. We broke up about 2 weeks ago after a 5 month relationship. Hardly ever think about last year's disaster. Did have a nightmare about her over the holiday, but I attribute that more to going to bed with a stomach full of spicy food. ah fooled, this ain't good! i wondered a few months ago where you were and figured you must be sorted. baffled to see this is still going on, thought you had come to your senses. i'll be blunt, it is stupid and pointless and masochistic to think about her constantly, or at all. what do you need man, a bash over the head? is this the sorry excuse for a human being who cheated on you with her ex and FOUR other men?! she didn't love you. she didn't want you. she didn't respect you. you are worth a hundred of her. your own words, said about her a year ago. letting go of her is now waaaaay overdue, it really is. i don't care if you don't have anyone to replace her, that doesn't matter. can you give me one good reason you're still obsessing about someone who thinks so little of you? maybe it is time to start realising that the problem is not that you can't live without her, but, like you said, that you don't have enough self-respect to realise you deserve better. it's nothing to be ashamed of. even that realisation is progress. at least with shifting the focus of the problem onto something you can deal with (you) instead of something you can't control (her) you can begin to climb out and start seeing this for what it really is.
In Liquid Wonder Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Hey there! I know you've already gotten lots of comments, but I wanted to throw some more your way because I'm right where you are these days. It's always those dumb, cute things that you remember about your ex, right? GAAAH, it's like a default setting that keeps resetting in your brain. It really helps to make a list of the things you didn't like about her and the relationship. That way, you're consciously refocusing the picture, rather than zooming in on what you were comfortable with thinking about before (and, of course, is just a world of pain now.) It's awesome if you put it up in a place you can get to often, so you can expand on it until you feel really satisfied. If you can, try talking to people who never really knew her; you know, folks that you wouldn't associate with her in your mind. It helps your mind from going back to that place. Take care, and good luck!
luvtoto Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 In my past experience, the best way to get over someone you really loved, is to fall in love with another who has more to offer. I can't wait till the day I find someone who will put my X to shame. It will happen for me. I have faith.
Author fooled Posted January 3, 2007 Author Posted January 3, 2007 I'm actually a little afraid to put myself back out there. The past two exes were really into me - and both turned out to be very...well...promiscuosus. I fear that I will not believe the next woman who displays affection towards me is geniuine. I fear I still haven't learned to spot an alcoholic until too late.
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 I'm actually a little afraid to put myself back out there. The past two exes were really into me - and both turned out to be very...well...promiscuosus. I fear that I will not believe the next woman who displays affection towards me is geniuine. I fear I still haven't learned to spot an alcoholic until too late. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." I'm not going to quit dating, I'm just wondering why it's taking so long to find Ms. Right.
bluetuesday Posted January 3, 2007 Posted January 3, 2007 Haha! Howdy, Blue! Thanks for the encouraging words - and to everyone! This is actually about the new ex-g/f. We broke up about 2 weeks ago after a 5 month relationship. Hardly ever think about last year's disaster. Did have a nightmare about her over the holiday, but I attribute that more to going to bed with a stomach full of spicy food. oops! ah, the old chilli-induced night sweats, they ain't pretty. right, the new ex. ah, i wouldn't worry, in that case you seem normal. you got back on the horse, gave it a damn fine go and it didn't work out. that's cool, most of them go belly-up. you'll be just fine. it takes a month or two to feel anywhere near right. give yourself time. okay, that was my general platitude. now for the real meat. YOU PICKED ANOTHER NARCISISTIC ALCOHOLIC?? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT???!! call me 'quirky' but i'm sensing a pattern here. do you have a need to be with women who are going to treat you bad because they have huge personal issues? did you pick this one because she reminded you of ms humping-six-guys? or is LA just a really, really bad place to meet sane women? so many questions. i personally don't think there's much wrong with you other than your stinking taste in women - but that probably belies something in you you haven't uncovered yet. you've made a mistake in picking someone toxic twice on the run now. you need to examine why, because this is a pattern you will keep repeating until you learn the lesson the pain is trying to tell you. the issue of missing your ex is small in comparison to uncovering why you picked her in the first place.
Recommended Posts