Kathleen2260 Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 So I know you can't really change people but which is easier to work on? Someone who could loosen up in the bedroom or someone who isn't very responsible? My situation is i've been dating my guy for almost four years. We live together and are talking about marriage. His is four years older than me (32). Ironically when we first got together our sex life was fantastic or what I thought was fantastic (have limited experience) He was into trying different positions and was willing to have sex in different places and was into giving me oral which my most recent ex was not. Well between our 2nd and third year of being together we broke up for about five months and during this time I hooked up with one of my guy friends (he was only the third guy I"d slept with). My current guy has had sex with 6 other women but my friend I'd hooked up with on my break had slept with about 15 or so women. Actual sex with him wasn't great because he was too quick but everything else was awesome! He was great at oral and could give me three orgasms in 20 minutes!! My current boyfriend the only way I orgasm is from regular sex and only if he lasts long enough. my guy friend and I did all kinds of stuff- I tied him up, covered him in whipped cream, did role playing, watched porn together stuff like that. Some of that I've done with my current boyfriend and the first guy I'd slept with but my guy friend had NEVER done any of it with any of the many women he'd slept with. He also said I was the first one to give him a complete BJ. We had a great sexual life for the few months we fooled around while I was broken up with my boyfriend. I mean this guy was willing to try new things, he was very good and getting me to orgasm and we had a lot of fun. In the end he wanted to be serious with me, but I missed my boyfriend and we eventually worked things out. So my boyfriend and I are back together and things are good- we had sex 20 times during the month of december. He just doesn't have the experience my guy friend had and though I've tried to teach him and do things that are new he just seems to want boring -in- our- bed- sex. I tried writing him a dirty letter and he got mad saying it was "gross" and he didn't like it (but he kept it figure that one out!). I've also suggested tying him up or him tying me up or blindfolding him and he's not interested. Chocolate syrup and whipped cream (too sticky for him) so I'm really starting to miss my guy friend (even though I haven't talked to him since my boyfriend and I got back together) From what my boyfriend says all of his other girlfriends (with the exception of one) were pretty boring (my words, not his) by that I mean they never even had oral or 69 with him, they never did anything other than lay on their back or maybe be on top once in awhile. But his ex fiance and him had sex in different places and they did oral. For some reason with my guy friend it made me feel really good that I was the first in a lot of the sexual stuff he'd done. Especially since he had so much more experience than I did. It made me feel special. But with my current boyfriend I'd like to be the first in SOMETHING yet he won't try new things with me. And if I feel I'm the first in something he'll shoot me down- once we had sex five times in four hours and we also slept together within 17 days of our first date (both firsts for me) and I asked him if it was a first for him and supposedly he had sex with his first girlfriend when they were both virgins within four days of getting together, and just happened to have sex with an ex six times in one day. so my thoughts are maybe I was/am misssing out by not dating my guy friend. Things may have changed since its been so long since Ive seen him but we really did have a lot of fun together. He's just not very responsible (finacially, etc) I love my current guy and want it to work out but I feel like I"m missing something. ANy ideas?
Walk Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Being uninhibited in the bedroom doesn't make them a good partner. Neither does being financially responsible outside the bedroom, but unwilling in the bedroom. What you need to find is someone who will make you happy in both areas. Not just one or the other. Being "first" does not equate to "love" and "special". First guy that gave me oral is still not remembered fondly. Didn't have anything to do with him being first, had to do with who he was outside of the bedroom. Third guy that gave me oral... he's special. Had nothing to do with the order of when it occured, had to do with the fact that he's a great guy all around. Sit your bf down and tell him bluntly what you want, what you need. Explain how important this is to you. Don't beat around the bush, don't try to spare his feelings. (don't bring up the other guy though...) But say exactly what you want and need from him. Give your bf the opportunity to provide it. If he still can't/won't, then break up with him.
IpAncA Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Sit your bf down and tell him bluntly what you want, what you need. Explain how important this is to you. Don't beat around the bush, don't try to spare his feelings. (don't bring up the other guy though...) But say exactly what you want and need from him. Give your bf the opportunity to provide it. If he still can't/won't, then break up with him. Yep I would also talk to him about this. Sounds like you both are not meeting each others needs.
saturnalia Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Sex is a very important aspect of a relationship and you are denying yourself if your needs aren't being met. Funny, I am in a similar situation. The guy who has been the best in that department in quite some time is not so compatible in other ways (career, motivation). However he is sweet, kind, reliable, and always a source of mindblowing sex. I am so busy at work I am not particularly enchanted with the idea of giving up up "joe" and entering the dating pool in an attempt to find someone 100% suitable (and how long will that take?) Unfortunately I can tell Joe is developing feelings for me, and as much as I enjoy hanging out there is no real future is there? Sweet sexy guy but not at my level verbally or intellectually. Such amazing chemistry though. I guess both of us need to keep up the search in hopes of finding the one who better meets our ideal....
marc from MI Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Kathleen, will you marry me?! no ****!!!!!!.... honey, you arent doing anything wrong. are you sure your boyfriend isnt gay?....j/k i would have loved if ANY of my ex's would have said or did the things you do. I dont get it, some guys are just shy? i dont know
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